


Memoirs of Belhalla

by katriona_subasa



Series: Memoirs of Jugdral [5]
Category: Fire Emblem, Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Seisen no Keifu | Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War
Genre: Gen, Interquel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-03-30 03:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 49,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13941954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katriona_subasa/pseuds/katriona_subasa
Summary: Belhalla, seat of Naga's blood, capital and center of the Empire. All know the bloody battles fought on its soils, but many forget that it was peaceful at one point. Many forget that, before Loptyr's shadows drowned out the light, the Empire was peaceful and prosperous. But the stories of that happy time do still linger, if you know where to look.(FE4 Interquel; post First Gen, pre Second Gen)





	1. Chapter 1) Nephew

Chapter 1) Nephew

* * *

I used a candle to carefully light the incense, remembering how the merchant had said it was a popular scent from Agustria. I'd purchased it mostly for the strangely nostalgic feeling it stirred in me, but I didn't feel too bad about it. Alicia spent quite some time in Agustria, so hopefully, her ghost wouldn't mind the scent. Of course, Alicia had rarely had minded anything. She had been too 'tired' to mind. Alicia had been too 'tired' for a lot of things. Cowen had described it as Alicia having an unhealing wound in her spirit that was slowly bleeding her dry. We had done what we could to try and patch it, but sadly, it hadn't been enough. She had slowly fallen apart over the years, still keeping her smiles… and her secrets.

I was honestly convinced Alicia had known me before I lost my memories. I couldn't prove it, but there had always been something just so _familiar_ about her and sometimes I would get impressions like 'oh, her smile should be brighter' with no context whatsoever. But she never said anything about it, never hesitated about a thing when interacting with me. In those final days, heartbroken over her inevitable death and frustrated, I had broke down and asked 'who am I?' with all the anger and frustration I had. Alicia had smiled sweetly and me, kissed my cheek, and said that I was 'Diadora'. That I was the Empress of Grannvale, daughter of Prince Kurth, Granddaughter of King Azmur. That I was Arvis's wife, mother of Julius and Julia. That I was the aunt of her children, Caitriona and Conall, and that I was her very best friend. With the words came a calm. Whoever I used to be, that didn't change who I was _now_. I still wanted to know about my past, but breaking down as I did, and her words had helped. They always helped. Even while she had been dying, Alicia had been the healer, who tended to people's bodies and spirits. I wished she had told me more, but still...

"I do wish you had made it to the twins' fifth birthday," I whispered to her ghost. I missed her terribly. Alicia had always been a comforting presence for all of us. "I wish we could've brought your children home to you." Honestly, the thought terrifies me. Alicia had sent her children away, fearing travel through the desert, and thanks to the chaos of the Battle of Belhalla, she had been permanently separated from them. The idea of never being able to see my own children… "We'll keep looking, though." I wanted them to be safe, and the best way to insure that was to have them near. "Ah, I'm rambling. You'd probably laugh at me for all my fretting." I could even hear it. Her gentle, melancholic laugh. I always wondered what her laugh had been like, before she broke. The empty abyss where my memories had been would say something like 'brighter, but I had no way to knowing it was actually true. "You'd probably also laugh at me standing in the middle of a room talking to ghosts."

So, paid my respects to Chulainn, buried besides Alicia of course, and then for Father and Grandfather. I had never met Father, sadly, but Grandfather had made it to his goal of seeing Julius and Julia born. Alicia's medicines even bought him a year with them, which made me smile even as I missed him. Still, I doubt I could forgive those rebels, and that Sigurd, for killing Father. No matter how 'familiar' that name was and no matter how a small part of my heart would keen bitterly.

Shaking my head, and then fixing my hair because it always flew all over the place, I left the crypt entirely for the sunshine and warmth of the castle proper. People greeted me warmly as I passed, though I did frequently forget that 'Your Majesty' and 'Empress' referred to me. Grandfather had ruled a kingdom, but in the chaos five years ago, so many leaders had lost their lives that they had turned to Grannvale for sanctuary. With the Manster District and Silesse falling in 762, Grannvale had become an empire. I wasn't sure how comfortable I was with that, but I did like the chance to reach and help more people. Though, I wasn't sure how much I liked all the work, especially when I was still adapting to having no memories of my past, even now. But that was the price of being a noble, or so I was told.

The reminder of work made me decide to go check in on Arvis, and I entered his study without knocking, as I always did. He never minded, even though often enough, he was so absorbed in working that he didn't notice. I smiled sadly at the mourning black he wore, with the only thing not associated with mourning clothes being the cufflinks he wore. He always wore them. He said they were a wedding gift from a person he admired dearly, but never told me who. I was certain whoever it was died. It wouldn't surprise me, painful as that was. Arvis had lost a lot over the years, and the most recent loss made it particularly clear. After all, he wasn't really handling Alicia's death well at all. He had told me, once, that he had wanted to make a world that was better for his siblings in particular. He had wanted his siblings to be happy, in a world that was fairer. But in order to make that 'fairer world', and in order to punish the ones who murdered my father, he had lost both of his siblings. Alicia died and Azel, who I never got a chance to meet, disappeared into Silesse during the chaos. We had sent forces to look for him when Silesse fell, but they didn't find him.

But it was times like this we had to support each other, as we swore when we married, so I walked over and gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Morning, dear," I murmured. He looked up and smiled wanly. He hadn't slept well last night. If I hadn't dragged him to bed, he might not have slept at all. "I think you need to take a break."

"Something tells me I'll lose the argument," he noted tiredly. I smiled innocently. "Yeah, I'll lose. Fine, a break."

"Perfect!" Giggling, I went over to his shelf, where he kept all of his tea things. He often enjoyed a cup of tea when working late at not. "Let's see…" I set out the tea pot and the like on the table and reached up to grab his favorite…

"Wait!" Arvis, however, stopped me, catching my hand. He'd come over so quickly that he'd actually knocked his chair to the ground. "Not that blend!"

"Huh?" I frowned at him, confused. "Why not? It's your favorite and…" And I trailed off as I put the pieces together. His favorite tea was the blend Alicia had always made him. She'd made a new batch shortly before she died, but now she was gone. This batch would be the last he'd ever have, likely. She might've written it down, but all of her things were in her room, locked because it hurt too much to look at. "N-never mind. Second favorite, then."

In a bit of slightly awkward silence, we set about making tea, him using fire magic to get the water warm instead of us having to go down to the kitchens for it. Once we sat down to drink the tea, though, the silence became comfortable again. That made me happy. I had so few memories to draw on, six or seven years at this point. I was constantly afraid of messing things up…

"This is exactly what I needed, Diadora," Arvis murmured after a moment. His smile was softer and I smiled back, relieved. "Thank you. I suppose I have been wallowing about too much."

"Not too much," I disagreed. It had barely been a month since Alicia had passed. "But she would be very mad if you hurt your health."

"That's true." He sipped his tea and looked out the window, over the city. Since we were deep in winter now, snow made the city all sparkly and festive. "She was always a believer in mourning how you felt was right."

"Yes." She'd helped me dearly when Grandfather had passed. "Ah, what was it that you were looking at, though? When I came in?"

"Hmm? Oh, a letter from Bloom. Ishtar is bugging him about coming to visit again and..." His faint cheer disappeared entirely. "And some bits about Tailtiu."

"Oh." I had never met Tailtiu, only knowing her second hand. Bloom's younger sister, and Ethnia's elder sister. One of Azel's dearest friends, alongside Lex. But Lex was dead, Azel was missing, and Tailtiu was driven mad by the experience, or so Bloom said. "Can you not visit?"

"I asked, but Bloom worries that it'll just set her off more." Arvis smiled bitterly and it hurt my heart. To make things better for the people, he had lost so much. I wished I could make the pain disappear, but I knew I couldn't. He'd carry it for the rest of his days. "She has a daughter, though. A three-year-old girl named Tine."

"Does she?" Three years old… that was just a year younger than Julius and Julia. "Anything about the father?"

"Nothing." Arvis grimaced. "Which means, likely, she's an illegitimate noble child and…" He growled in frustration, and I caught his hand before he pulled at his hair again. "Why must they be so stubborn…!"

"We'll get through, in time." Despite Arvis's best efforts, while legally, things were better for single mothers and illegitimate children, socially… not so much. It was particularly frustrating for him, since he'd been working on this change for almost a decade. "But that means it won't be safe for Tine here, will it?"

"Probably not. At least not while she's so young. She's in Alster, with Bloom." He relaxed enough to smile. "He's asking for tips on how to braid hair. Tine isn't quite as rambunctious as Ishtar, it seems."

"I doubt she had so many people indulging her!" In fact, Ishtar's mother, Hilda, always tried to curb some of Ishtar's spiritedness, saying it wasn't 'proper'. Alicia always argued that children should be children and spoiled Ishtar silly. I half-wondered if it was because Ishtar was the same age as her children. "We should send some ribbons, at least." That gave me a good idea and I stood up to slide behind him to hug him. "Hey, Arvis, why don't we take the afternoon off?"

"What?" He stared at me like I'd suggested we strip naked and jump into a public fountain. "But there's work to be done!"

"You are a complete workaholic." I shook my head. "You should relax. You know how Alicia would scold you." It was mean to use her memory, but it had the intended effect. "We can have lunch with the twins, and then a walk through the market..."

"But work…"

"Are you really picking paperwork over your wife?" I turned away sharply, as if in a huff. "I see how it is."

"Th-that's not…!" Arvis immediately began panicking, but he scowled when I giggled. "That's a cheap trick."

"But it works." I smiled innocently, and after a moment, he softened. Even if my antics exasperated him, he also found them endearing. I wondered if I'd been this playful before I lost my memories. I'd taken up the attitude as a means of trying to outweigh the uncertainty that came with amnesia. "So?"

"Yes, yes, you win. But I _do_ need to finish that one paper I'd been working on. It's due today."

"I'll help, then." This was how we worked, after all. I was the Naga Major, and he was the one Grandfather entrusted the kingdom, now empire, to. Between us, we would protect everyone. "Shall we?"

* * *

"Wow, there's so much!" Julius breathed, twisting this way and that, trying to see everything. I had to shift a bit to not accidentally drop him. "Wow…"

"The market _is_ livelier than normal," I agreed, finally tucking him against my shoulder. "It must be because the new year isn't far off." I smiled at him and tucked his hair behind his ear, careful to not jar his circlet. Julius wore it because, no matter how many times we reassured, he just didn't like people staring at him. Julia wore one to match him. "Ah, Arvis, not so fast!"

"Daddy! You're too far ahead!"

"Ah, sorry!" Arvis called, turning slightly to face us, though he had to be careful with it. He carried Julia piggyback, to her utter delight. "I was trying to find a little more space."

"It's fine, dear," I reassured, catching up. Julius sulked a little more, but smiled when Arvis did. "Now, no trying to work. This is not a _market inspection_. This is us spending time with our adorable children."

"I don't see why it can't be both…" He panicked a little when I scowled. "Yes, yes, sorry, dear."

"I thought so." I smiled triumphantly and we began walking through the market, waving to people as we passed. Well, Julius and Julia waved. Arvis and I only smiled, trying to make sure the children didn't fall. They really had too much energy. "Let's see… how about some candy?"

"For the children?" Arvis frowned skeptically, though Julia and Julius both lit up. "They'll ruin their dinner."

"Oh, it's okay every once in a while."

"Aren't you normally the scolding one?"

"Just for you, my love." I smiled down at Julius, who practically bounced with excitement. "So, what sort of candy?"

"I want…!" Julius began. He paused, though, and reached out for Julia, tugging her sleeve. "I want what Julia wants!"

"But I want what Julius wants," Julia instantly replied, frowning slightly. I had to fight back a sigh as I realized what I did, again, and Arvis laughed. This wasn't the first time this had happened. While I had always heard of how difficult young children found it to share, Julius and Julia never seemed to mind. Which made it difficult when it came to actually getting them things. "You pick."

"No, you pick!" Julius pouted, and Julia sulked. Arvis, the cad, just kept on laughing and refusing to help. I should be grateful these were the only arguments they had, but… "Pick!"

"No! You pick!"

"How about _I_ pick?" Arvis suggested, finally stopping his laughter. He must've noticed how exasperated I was getting. "Is that all right with you two?"

"Okay!" they chorused, all back to smiles. I, however, looked a little sourly at him, because he _could_ have done that sooner. "Yay! Candy!" That said, the twins' cheer made me smile, and we were off, grabbing some candy and a couple of other little things.

We walked around the market for quite some time, until Julius and Julia nodded off, and then we made our slow way back to the castle. The servants greeted us cheerfully, quite a few cooing over the 'little prince and princess', so it took a while to actually get them tucked into their beds for a nap. None of that was surprising, of course, or at least, it wasn't as surprising as stepping out of the room to see Aida waiting for us. She'd been in Isaach for the past couple of months, sadly missing Alicia's funeral. The plan, however, had been for her to be there for at least another month, so her being back early was… odd. But nice.

"Aida!" I greeted warmly, skipping over to hug her. Arvis lingered back to make sure the door was shut. "When did you get back?"

"Just now, my lady," Aida replied, returning the hug. She and I had a few… awkward moments early in my courtship with Arvis, mostly because she was Arvis's best friend and I knew about Cyas. She had promptly solved it by dragging me out to a tavern of all places and telling me all sorts of silly stories about him before promising to hurt him if he hurt me. It had been very confusing, too confusing to be awkward really. "My apologies for not sending word ahead. We just barely avoided a sandstorm in Yied."

"Oh, ick!" I pulled away and winced at the sunburns I could see. "You should see…" Automatically, I almost said 'Alicia', but that… couldn't happen anymore. "Cowen for that."

"I'll see my father soon anyway. I need to pick up Cyas." She laughed softly, probably knowing my slip and trying to turn it into a joke. I still looked guiltily at Arvis. "Regardless, I do have a bit of good news. I think."

"You think?" Arvis repeated a little dryly. While he smiled faintly, he did look exasperated. "Last time you said this, we had to-"

"I found Conall," she declared, not letting Arvis finish that no doubt interesting sentence. I couldn't be mad, though. Conall… she had found…? "Well, he's not _saying_ he's Conall, but he's heterochromatic, with a blue right eye and a Fjalar-red left eye, he's got the hair color, _and_ he's got a Holy Mark for both Fjalar and Od." She shrugged. "So, he's Conall. He's just stubborn. He's the only one I found, sadly. Some bandits or something attacked the village and sent people scattering."

"But he's here?" Arvis smile hesitantly, like he wasn't certain he wanted to hope. "He's…"

"Yes, he is." She snatched Arvis's arm when he tried to take off. "You don't even know where he is, and I have warnings." She looked very seriously at both of us. First off, he's not happy about being taken from the only place he remembers, dragged across the desert, and being stuck in a city he doesn't know and doesn't like. Second off, I don't know if it's a child's honesty or if he purposely trying to push buttons, but he is _very_ sharp-tongued for a child. He will use it on you two. I know it."

"But he's safe." Arvis smiled warmly, looking ready to cry. "He's safe. That's… that'll be enough for me."

"Just preparing you. It'll hurt, but it'll hurt less if you brace." She smiled back, looking quite pleased with herself. I could understand why. We had been looking for the children for five years. This was honestly the first sign we had that they _were_ still alive. "This way."

Aida led us quickly and confidently down a couple of halls to one of the lesser used studies in the royal wing. Two knights guarded the door proudly, though they left quickly when Aida dismissed them. She knocked on the door for us, smiled reassuringly, and left to let us meet with our nephew in private. After a moment to gather our courage, and for me, at least, to calm my pounding heart, we opened the door and stepped inside.

A little boy sat sullenly in the middle of the floor, pointedly ignoring the chairs and pillows provided. He clung tightly to a black stuffed-dog while playing with a single earring, a gold and ruby drop with the ruby wrapped with gold wire. His hair was a little long, but the same shade as Arvis's. His eyes, blue right and red left, sparked with quiet anger as he stared right at us, daring us to say something. Though Aida had warned us, I hadn't quite expected such open hostility. Alicia's hostility towards Manfroy was always frosty. This was like a fire, just barely contained.

"Is this where you drop meteors on me?" the boy asked with a surprisingly amount of sarcasm. I didn't know six-year-olds even knew what sarcasm was. "That's how you greet people, right? You bring them in with promises of shelter and then burn them alive?" Arvis flinched and I stiffened, angered on Arvis's behalf. Aida had warned us, yes, but…! "I don't know what Grannvalle etty-cuit is like." ...That said, mispronouncing etiquette reminded me that he was just a child. A very angry, very lost child who had been dragged from everything he knew on the whims of strangers. Of course he would be hurtful. He had to be almost screaming with pain and he was a child. Children lashed. Honestly, even adults lashed out.

Besides, I knew that fear. Often, I thanked the gods of how lucky I was that Arvis had found me. Those first few weeks, months, of not knowing anything, of being surrounded by strangers and being trapped by their actions… Arvis had been kind and reassuring. Arvis had helped me find my footing, and slowly, I began to rebuild my life and find happiness, a happiness that was true and real, no matter what was there in my missing past. And this little boy needed the same. Matching anger with anger wouldn't work, or so I thought. At least, matching different kinds of anger wouldn't. Besides, he was Alicia's son. She had always been so patient with me.

So, I walked a little closer and crouched down so that I was on eye-level with him. "Hello there," I greeted, giving him my best smile. His anger faded for a bit of confusion and a bit of uncertainty. "You're Conall, yes? I'm Diadora. I'm your aunt."

"...Seliph…" Conall mumbled. However, before I could ask, he looked away. "Hi." Then there was nothing. He remained silent, half-glaring at me.

I, however, decided to keep at it. "Your dog is adorable."

"Dad bought it, or so I'm told." He leaned around me to glare angrily at Arvis. I winced as I thought of another reason why he was angry. Regardless of intentions, Arvis _did_ accidentally kill his father, and we had far more time with his mother than he ever had. Why wouldn't he be angry? He wasn't just more or less kidnapped by strangers, he had been 'kidnapped' by people tied to the parents he didn't know. "Same with the earring."

"It's a pretty earring." I resolved myself to try and be as patient as possible. I couldn't let him get away with too much, but this anger… I couldn't tell him it was wrong. He'd just be convinced that we were the 'worst'. "Why is there only one? Did the other get lost?"

"Riona has it."

"Riona?"

"...My sister."

"Oh!" I felt embarrassed I hadn't figured it out sooner. 'Caitriona', really a beautiful name, could easily shorten to 'Riona'. "I see."

After another moment of silence, I looked at Arvis, and he caught my silent words and nodded before leaving. I would take the next couple of days off, to help Conall get settled. I had a better chance at helping Conall find his initial footing than him. I just hoped Conall would let me. It was hard to deal with such open hostility. It dug deep in my heart, deeper than it probably should.

I wondered if I had been hated by people I had wanted to like me before. I didn't like that thought at all.

* * *

The next day, I took Conall down to the market to get him some new clothes and shoes. I had tried to take his hand, mostly to make sure I didn't lose him in the crowd, but he shied away. He wouldn't let me touch him. However, unlike say… Ishtar, Conall was very good at staying near in a crowd, not ever going far and when the crowd did push us apart, he was quick to return to my side. He did it with so much practice that I wondered who taught him, and I half-wondered _how_. Keeping the children near without actively holding on to them always seemed to be as fruitless as herding cats.

Eventually, though, we made it to the tailors and sat down with their design book… thing… to pick out what sort of clothes Conall would like. Yes, most royals likely had their personal tailor in the castle, or send for them, but Arvis and I preferred to do things like this. It felt like we could have a better 'feel' for the town if we were actively out and about. It made sense to me, but we always got just enough unusual looks to hint it was unusual.

"There's quite a few in here, huh?" I murmured, helping Conall flip through. His eyes had glazed over, showing he wasn't even paying much attention. "How about you pick two that you like?" He glanced at me curiously before shrugging and taking the book from me. After a moment, he picked two I'd never seen before, but did like. "Those ones? Okay." I rang the bell so that the tailor knew we were ready. "We'd like some in these styles. Blacks and blues for now."

"Which ones?" she asked, leaning forward. When I pointed to them, she surprisingly scoffed. "Ugh, why are those designs in here?" She sighed gustily, shaking her head. "My apologies, your majesty. I didn't realize this book held such barbaric designs."

"Barbaric?" I frowned, and Conall winced. I… was missing something. "What do you mean?"

"They're _Isaachian_." She said the word like it was the worst thing a person could be, like 'rapist'. Now I understood quite a few things. I didn't recognize the designs because I didn't see a lot of Isaachian clothing, and Conall had picked designs that reminded him of 'home'. "Let me get a proper-"

"It's what he wants." I fixed her with the coldest stare I could manage and almost rested my hands on Conall's shoulders. I remembered, just in time, that he didn't want to be touched, so I settled for placing my hands on the desk. "So make him what he wants."

"But your majesty-"

"It is what he wants." I did my best to make my voice as commanding as possible. I wasn't going to tolerate this, for multiple reasons. "And, in case you have forgotten, mistress, my brother-in-law is Isaachian, and Conall is half. You just insulted my brother-in-law and nephew." The tailor blanched, and some part of me felt guilty. The rest was furious. "Make him what he wants. And don't you dare say another word against Isaachians again. I will make you regret ever speaking if you do." She nodded vigorously. "Go make the clothes. We'll discuss payment when we get them." I didn't normally do that. I normally paid up front, and then tipped afterwards. But I was too mad to talk pricing right now. "Thank you." She fled to the back, and I was tempted to ask about who actually owned the establishment, since I knew multiple tailors worked here. I could make quite the fuss and…

"You didn't have to do that," Conall mumbled, looking down. The words helped me calm down almost immediately. "That was a lot of fuss."

"Perhaps, but things like that threaten the dream Arvis and I share," I explained. I sighed, now feeling bad for losing my temper like that. "Arvis and I want a world that is equitable to all. Where no one has to worry about paying for food and medicine. Where one bad winter won't mean complete devastation. There are certainly barbarians in this world, but they are bandits and the like. _Not_ Isaachians. It was cruel, and wrong, for her to say that."

"...You need to tell your own people that. Not me." He still wouldn't look up at me. "Where are we going now?"

"The cobbler." I nodded to his shoes. "Yours don't seem to fit."

"When we had to run, we didn't stop for shoes. These are some random person's. Mine fit better." The words were sour. "I got caught because I went back for my dog."

"I… I see." I wasn't sure what to say. Sometimes, I was reminded he was a child. Other times, he seemed far older than he should. "Ah… this way?"

He followed me carefully, just as he did before. Thankfully, the cobbler had been much less aggravating, greeting Conall politely and warmly while taking tracings and measurements of his feet. Afterwards, we walked through the market itself, just to show Conall around. I had tried to buy him a few toys, but he had refused, saying that his dog was enough. That honestly just… confused me further. All the children I had met never said 'no' to a new toy. I wasn't really sure what to do, even if I had told myself that I would help him find his footing.

As we left the market, a certain idea wormed its way into my head and wouldn't leave me alone. So, I led him through the castle and he followed closely. At least, until we had to head down some stairs. Then he got suspicious, for some reason.

"What's down there?" he asked, eyeing it warily. All I could think was how Cyas, Ishtar, Julius, and Julia always thought there was something 'cool' and 'secret' about the crypts. "Why are we heading here?"

"It's the crypts," I explained. After a moment, I smiled hesitantly. "I forgot to burn incense for your parents this morning, you see."

"My…?" His entire demeanor locked up and then he pushed past me, racing down the steps. I followed closely, worried he'd fall, but he only tripped at the end and kept his footing. At the bottom of the steps, though, he froze, overwhelmed by the sheer number of graves likely. He followed me closely as we navigated through until we reached his parents graves. There were fresh flowers on both, and I wondered who brought them. Maybe Ayra.

He sat down in front of them, staring at the names. Staring at the dates. He was completely silent, so I focused on lighting some of the incense there, some extras I would keep tucked nearby in case I ever forgot to buy some new ones before coming down. It had happened… quite a few times. I could be horribly scatterbrained sometimes. That was a reason why I often had to use the candles left down here to actually light the incense. I hoped Alicia and Chulainn liked these scents. Conall didn't react to them at all.

"Dad would sing us lullabies," he whispered suddenly. I glanced down at him, startled he would say anything at all. "I remember the melodies, but that's just because they were Isaachian and we heard them growing up. But he'd sing us lullabies."

"Is that all you remember?" I asked softly. I set up the last incense and then crouched down next to him. "What about Alicia?"

"Health check ups." He said it easily, and I had to admit, I could see that. She had tended to Julia and Julius personally, when they were babies. "A kind smile. Warm hugs. Bright laughter. Animals." It took me a moment to realize he was listing what he remembered about both of his parents, and it broke my heart at how… generic they were. "Mom always smelled of medicine. Shanan says she made a lot, so the smell clung to her. Dad always smelled of the oil you use to maintain swords. He was a mercenary. He took care of his swords."

"Anything else?"

"No, not really." He curled into himself and I saw him tear up. "I mean; we get stories. There's pictures. But no, I don't _remember_ anything else. It's just…" He broke down crying and curled into a little ball. "I want Riona! I want Mom! I want Dad!" Automatically, I reached out to hold him, but he slapped my hand away. "Why did you have to take them from me?! Why do you have to steal everything for your stupid dream?!"

I had no answer to that. At least, I had none that satisfied me. He also refused any attempts of comfort I had. So I could do nothing but sit there and watch him wail himself into a faint. Even then, I had to get another servant to take him to his room while I ran to Arvis, bursting into my own tears as soon as I found him, to his confusion.

I had hoped bringing him down here would help him, but instead, I made it worst. Gods, what was I supposed to do?

* * *

The next few days, Conall refused to leave his room. I felt horrible, though Arvis reassured me that I had good intentions and, honestly, it wasn't like we could hide it forever. Conall already knew his parents were dead. Hiding where they were buried would have been much worse. Aida also pointed out that considering everything, it would've been weirder if he didn't have a break down. I still felt like it was my fault, though. I could've waited, or blunted the worst of it. Now he was holed up, not opening the door for anyone. The only real sign we had that he was alive was that the servants, thank their patience, left food for him by the door, and some hours later, the plates were neatly stacked outside, empty.

"Ah, what are we going to do?" I murmured, walking down the hall. Normally, I would be in meetings at this hour, but they ended early. "Arvis and I should've discussed something like this more." For some reason, it had never occurred to us that integrating Alicia's children into the family would be any sort of difficult. Perhaps it was arrogance, since Alicia had fit in so well. "Maybe I should ask…" Honestly, there was no 'maybe' about it. I _did_ need to ask others for advice. Cowen seemed the most likely, because the healer background should, hopefully, help him take into account Conall's own pain when giving said advice. "Julius and Julia really want to meet him…" They were practically vibrating with excitement. They had loved their Aunt Alicia. Without even meeting him, they loved Conall. "What I mess I've made…"

"Mother got _super_ mad, but Tine laughed!" Ishtar's cheerful voice filtered down the hall and I smiled as I decided to follow it. Like most of the children, Ishtar had been devastated by Alicia's death, not helped by how Alicia had always gone out of her way to spoil and dote on her. "Have I told you about Tine? She's one of my cousins and is super sweet!" I did have to wonder who she was talking to, though. Thanks to Hilda, Ishtar didn't actually have a lot of friends. As far as I knew, aside from Cyas, Julius, and Julia, her only other friends were a young page in the Friege forces named Reinhardt and her little brother, Ishtore. But Reinhardt and Ishtore always remained in Alster when Ishtar tagged along with her father to come here, Cyas was having lessons with his mother, and Julius and Julia were napping. "Did I tell you about my other cousins? Amid and Linda are both nice, though I don't get to see them often."

I finally stepped around a corner and saw Ishtar, but where she was confused me even further. She was sitting outside Conall's room, with papers and books strewn about her. She was also completely alone, without a single person in sight.

"Ishtar?" I called. She paused mid-story and waved to me. "Ishtar, what are you doing?"

"Talking to Conall!" she answered, in 'what does it look like?' tone only a child could pull off. "Well, talking _at_ him mostly. Sometimes he answers, but most of the time, he's silent." She jumped to her feet and skipped over to hug me. "Still, he's pretty smart, and he likes adventure stories!"

"Is that so?" I stroked her hair and smiled when she giggled. "Still, this is a bit…"

"Hmm? Oh, well, I don't agree with Cyas." She stepped back, hands on her hips. "Cyas is the one who told me he was here, and he was all 'oh, we should wait because he is hurting and angry'. And I guess it makes sense. I mean; Cyas pointed out that we got _way_ more time with Aunt Alicia than Conall ever did."

"That is… true." Once again, though, Cyas showed a wisdom beyond his age. Then again, Cyas was fourteen, much older than the others. "We had her for five years." Conall only had her for a year and a half, a time he could barely remember.

"Right? So, he's all 'give him time', but I think that the best way to fix loneliness is to actually _be_ there! I mean; that's what I like when I'm lonely." She held up her fists determinedly, like she was going to punch the loneliness away. "Besides, I've got to do lesson work and I'd just be sitting in my room doing that alone anyway." She gasped and darted back to her work. "Argh, I got distracted by the story. Where was I?" She growled in wordless frustration. "Math is hard! Why do I have to learn math? I hate math!"

"...What's the equation?" Conall's voice was very quiet and horribly muffled through the door, but Ishtar smiled brightly. "Read it to me."

"What's closer to five: three or nine?" Ishtar asked. It didn't seem to matter to her that there was a door between her and Conall. She just… accepted it. It was part of their 'friendship' for now. "I don't want count."

"Three."

"Yay! Thankees!" She wrote it down on her paper gleefully. "Anyway, where did I leave off with the story?"

"Tine laughed."

"That's right!" Then she was off rambling about the story, apparently about some prank she taught Ishtore. I watched a little longer before leaving, not wanting to disturb them, and being a little… curious if Ishtar's approach would work.

It seemed so. I would swing by whenever I had time over the next couple of days, and each time, it seemed like Conall and Ishtar were conversing through the door, with Conall's responses getting longer and longer. Then, finally, about a week and a half after I messed up, Conall left his room at last. He sat next to Ishtar and did her homework with her, and read with her, the two squabbling over when to turn the page. He didn't stay out long, retreating back to his room as soon as she had to leave for dinner, but the day after that, Conall saw me checking in and tentatively smiled. That was enough for me. That was a sign that we could keep going after that misstep. We would be fine.

* * *

Arvis and I debated on when we would introduce Julius and Julia to their cousin during the time when Conall refused to leave his room. Arvis thought it would be best for him to not be around whenever it happened, as Conall most strongly associated him with his parents' deaths. I knew it hurt Arvis more than anything, but he took it stoically. Conall's safety and happiness was far more important to him, and I knew it broke his heart to have prioritized 'the people' over 'Alicia and Azel'. In a way, I knew, he considered the pain just more atonement for the pain he inflicted on his siblings.

It turned out, however, that we might as well not have bothered planning out a meeting at all. You could only stop a child's curiosity for so long, and four year olds didn't exactly have the greatest concept of 'waiting'. Combined with general excitement, it was clear that only Conall locking himself in his room and prevented Julius and Julia from ambushing him sooner.

"Yay! You've hair like mine!" Julius cheered, arms wrapped around Conall's neck. Conall had apparently decided walking through the gardens were a good idea, maybe because the snowstorm last night had left it empty, and that's when Julius and Julia jumped on him. Literally. I'd happened to be walking on the second floor of the castle that opened up to the garden, and had heard the laughter. "Told you!"

"He could've had different!" Julia grouchily replied. She clung to Conall's arm, on the opposite side from Julius. Poor Conall just looked between them, very confused, no doubt because they had him pinned to the ground. They all had snow on their clothes and faces. "I've different."

"True. But I was right!"

"Meanie!"

"Um… who are you two?" Conall asked hesitantly. He slowly pushed himself up to sit, looking between them. I wondered if I should head down to interfere. "Hi?"

"Hello!" Julius greeted, smiling brightly. He let go of Conall's neck to sit eagerly in front of him. "I'm Julius! That's Julia! We're twins!"

"Okay… then…?" Conall still looked baffled, and a little pained. He had a twin sister. He had to miss her dearly. "That's… nice to meet you?"

"Nice to meet you!" Julius laughed. "Let's play!"

"Play?"

"Yes! Let's play tag!"

"No tag," Julia refused sullenly. Unlike Julius, she hadn't let go of Conall. "You hurt earlier."

"I'm fine!" Julius replied. Now he was sulking. Conall looked more and more confused. "Just fine."

"No."

"Yes!"

"Oh, wait, you two are my cousins," Conall whispered. I had to lean a little against the railing to catch the words. "Right, the servants said Julius was frail. Like Diarmuid." He nodded and smiled softly at them. "What about making some snowmen, you two?"

"Snowmen?" Julius repeated, breaking off the argument with Julia. "What's a snowmen?"

"Here, I'll show you." He stood up and took their hands. "We've got enough snow to make a good one."

I really should've left by then, since I was just on break between meetings, but I couldn't help but linger and watch. I was surprised by how quickly, and easily even, Conall took to the two. Glad, certainly. Julius and Julia had never met a person who hated them, yet, and I didn't want their first experience to be with someone they adored. But surprised, because of how cautious and distant Conall usually was. Even with Ishtar, he was only just now starting to open up. Yet he was so gentle with Julius and Julia. He taught them how to how to make a little ball from snow and roll it until it was bigger. He let them decide where to set up the snowman, and helped them find things to decorate it with. Various twigs, berries, that sort of thing. When Julia worried about the snowman getting cold, he gave it his own scarf, and then knelt down to help fix Julia's.

I marveled at it for a moment before remembering something Alicia had once mentioned. She hadn't sent her children to Isaach alone. There had been three caretakers, and _many_ children. Conall would've been one of the oldest in that group. There might have been others that were the same age as Julius and Julia. This… this might be a role he was used to. And maybe some of the distance was because we had… if he was used to a group, then maybe things like giving him his own room, meant in kindness, had simply…

The thought and questions haunted me throughout the rest of the day, even as I attended meetings checking on how our orphanage program was going, and addressing some concerns brought up by the shelters set up to help the abused find shelter and care. I did my best to focus, of course, but whenever there was a break, my mind would wander back to that. So, when I finished my last meeting of the day, before dinner, I went to go find Conall. It took a bit to find him because he wasn't in the gardens or his room. Instead, he was in the library, reading. Julius and Julia were curled up next to him, and there was a closed book nearby, carefully marked. He must've read to them. I thought he was a little young for it, but I was rapidly learning that I honestly didn't know much besides the bare minimum when it came to children.

"Oh, um… hi," Conall greeted awkwardly when he saw me. He made to stand, but then Julius mumbled in his sleep and grabbed onto his arm. "Er…"

"No, no, don't worry," I reassured. I hoped it was reassuring. This was the first proper conversation we'd had since his breakdown in the crypt. "I did have a question, though."

"Yes?" Conall set his book down and Julia sleepily complained and shifted to curl up more in his lap. "What is it?"

"Is…" A thousand questions, actually, came to mind, but I thought I'd start with, honestly, one of the first questions I should've asked. "Is your room okay?"

"My… room?"

"Yes. Is it…?" I tried to figure out how to ask, before deciding to not suggest anything. That wasn't what I needed to ask. Instead, I needed to ask… "Is there anything we can do to make it more comfortable for you?"

"Uh…" Conall frowned, sticking his tongue out a little as he thought very hard. "It's a little big. It's cold. It's too quiet. Wait, that's not answering things."

"Might take a bit to find a better room, but do you want to room with Julius and Julia until we can?" I was very hesitant, thinking it might insult him or something, but his entire expression lit up with a bright-bright smile. I was honestly stunned by it and I half-wondered if this had been what Alicia's smile had been like, before everything happened. Or was this what Chulainn's smile had been like? Regardless, that smile was answer enough. "Let's move your things, after dinner, then."

I could see what I did wrong before. I should've kept letting him choose, as I had when he chose the designs for his clothes. He already had to adapt and felt like things were out of control. But choices let him regain control and find his footing. We had to walk together, at his pace. It seemed so obvious, but I supposed every day was a new learning experience. We… we could muddle through.

* * *

I took the lesson to heart and started asking Conall things. What did he like? What didn't he like? They were obvious questions, but important, especially since they let me _really_ learn about him. With the questions, Conall slowly began opening up. He was most open with Ishtar, Julius, and Julia, but slowly, he let me in too. I was glad for it.

"Why do I have to be 'presented' to the public?" Conall asked me. We were in the 'children's room', as we had taken to calling it after Conall moved in with Julia and Julius, I was making sure his formal wear actually fit, and was comfortable. "I don't like crowds."

"It's because you are a prince," I explained, helping with the buttons. The formal wear was more of a 'Grannvallian' style than 'Isaachian', meaning it had far more buttons than he was used to, or liked. "The people should meet you."

"Can I just not be a prince?"

"Not at this point. If I'd married someone else, you might have had a chance." The words felt heavy on my tongue, and I winced at the pain I felt at the words. I truly did wonder if I had been married once before. But if so, what happened to them?

"Are you hurting?"

"Mmm… not a physical pain." Still, I smiled, touched he would ask. "Regardless, there really are too many buttons. I don't see how Arvis gets ready on his own."

"Will these always have so many buttons?"

"I promise that your next formal wear will be more Isaachian, like you prefer." Unlike Grannvalian clothing, Isaachian clothing seemed to involve more robes and surcoats, subtle in their richness. A few books I had read highlighted that they used ribbons and scarves to dress things up, with minimal jewelry and embroidery. Grannvalian clothing used a lot of capes. "Do you mind suffering through this just for the presentation?"

"Can I change into my normal clothes as soon as possible?"

"As soon as I can help you escape."

"Then okay." He sulked at the thought, and I had to giggle. "It's itchy. The embroidery."

"I'll get them to fix that."

"My, what a heartwarming scene." The mildly patronizing voice made my skin crawl, but I plastered a polite smile on my face as I turned to face Manfroy. "So, this is our young prince, yes?" he asked, looking right at Conall. "How interesting." He wasn't often at the palace, and I was grateful for that. Perhaps it was wrong of me, but I just couldn't relax when he was around. I felt horrifically uncomfortable. "Two colored eyes, hmm?" But I felt worse about Manfroy staring at Conall so calculatingly, so I tried to shift in front of him to block Manfroy's view. "Rare, that."

"You're staring at me weird," Conall told him bluntly. Maybe it was because he was a child, but he matched Manfroy's gaze almost defiantly, without a trace of fear or discomfort. "Are you one of those pedo-whatever people? That's creepy, you know. Skulking about the shadows is creepy too. Like you're a really bad spy in a story or the villain wanting to destroy everything."

"...I am strangely unsurprised her child is so rude." Manfroy sighed, and I had to bite my tongue. Even if I didn't like him, Manfroy was a guest. "Goodness."

"You're the one who showed up uninvited." Conall scowled and clung to my sleeve. I realized then just why Conall was so hostile. He'd noticed how uncomfortable I was. That touched me. "Bye." Then, to my surprise, Conall stomped over, shoved Manfroy's knee to make him stumble back, and shut the door right in his face. "He's icky. I hate him."

"Now, Conall," I began, trying to be chiding. I did have to admit to being _horribly_ amused, though. "You should be polite to guests."

"Even ones like him?" Conall asked, sulking. I had to bite back a giggle. This was important. "He was rude. And creepy. And rude."

"Yes, even ones like him." I waved him back over so that I could finish getting these clothes on him. "It's just polite."

"Etty… whatever… sucks." Conall fell silent for a moment, and then his eyes lit up. "Oh! I can pull a prank with Ishtar!"

"...Make sure you only get him, okay?" I shouldn't encourage this, but I _really_ didn't like Manfroy. I felt bad for it, but… "Though remember that he suffered greatly growing up." Manfroy led the Loptyrians, a group horrendously persecuted in the past. Arvis had told me about how he'd survived being burnt on the stake, and how his friends and family had not been so lucky. "So…"

"That doesn't mean you get to be rude."

"No, but it is good to keep in mind." Finally, all the buttons were done and I sat back on my heels. "So, other than the itchy embroidery and too many buttons, how is it?"

"I can deal. Once." he pulled at the sleeves, though. He wanted it off as soon as possible. "Oh, can I get my ears pierced with Ishtar?"

"Hmm?" That… hadn't been anything I expected. "Well, of course, but…" Then, however, I remembered the earring he had brought with him. That and his stuffed-dog… that was all he had of his old life. "With Ishtar?"

"She wants her ears pierced, but the needle scares her. So, I thought I could get it done with her." His eyes darkened slightly, and I wondered who he was thinking about. The look was gone in an instance, though. "I don't know what to put in the other ear, though…"

"We can go to the market and buy you one that'll match." I began helping him out of the formal wear and he smiled warmly. The smile, and how he'd reacted when Manfroy was here, made me decide to ask something. "Say, Conall, do you think you can have dinner with all of us? Including Arvis?" I tried to not feel sad when he didn't answer immediately. I couldn't blame him, and I didn't want to push him. But I knew Arvis would love it. Conall and Arvis hadn't even really been in the same room since their meeting. "You don't have to."

"...Will you tell me more about the dream you two have?" He looked at me solemnly. "The one he let my parents die for. Will you tell me?"

"Of course."

"Then, okay." He smiled sadly and looked like he was about to cry. But instead of curling up and keeping away, he leaned into me and let me hug him. "I'll try."

I did my best to explain what I could to Conall, though there was sadly many things he simply couldn't understand. Even with how wise he sometimes seemed, he was only six years old and hurting terribly. But I think he got understood enough. Certainly, when he arrived for the family dinner, he wasn't outright hostile. He wasn't welcoming, but he was polite even to Arvis. Arvis's smile told me how much he appreciated even that small bit and that soothed me.

Conall was an unexpected complication, and one that would likely shape our lives forever. But I wouldn't change it. He was my nephew, after all. I loved him.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Welcome to _Memoirs of Belhalla_ , a sidestory focused on the early years of the empire from Diadora/Deirdre's POV (meaning that her thoughts and 'knowledge' on certain events is based on what she's been told). Mirroring how _Memoirs of Velthomer_ had a prologue in a different POV than the rest, the epilogue of this story will be from a different POV. Also like _Memoirs of Velthomer_ , this will be a short story (it will actually cover the same number of years, nine, if you exclude the prologue of _Memoirs of Velthomer_ ).
> 
> The whole story is born from how the game states that the early years of Arvis's reign were quite prosperous, and wanting to expand a little on that. Also thought it would be fun to show Arvis's own struggles and remorse after the Belhalla massacre, and to show Julius and Julia before certain plot events occur. (And, you know, showing Conall's childhood.)
> 
> In Gen2, it's noted that Friege forces found Tailtiu and her daughter, Tine, and the two lived in Alster (in the Manster District) from then on (and implied that Tine was very young when it happened). Given certain character-important events needing to be intact, I'm having it where Arvis continues to be completely unaware of Tailtiu's relationship with Azel (since this ties in with _Memoirs of the Holy War,_ of course) and thus, has no idea that Tine is his niece, with Bloom also keeping Tailtiu and Tine away from the court. Reinhardt is an infamous character from FE5, and a popular char in FE Heroes due to him kinda being a powerhouse in that game as well. It's mentioned in FE5 that Ishtar has known Reinhardt since she was a child.
> 
> Around age 6 and 7, children are tend to start learning how to visualize numbers on a number line, and thus slowly understanding things like "five is closer to three than nine".
> 
> Next Chapter - Climb


	2. Chapter 2) Climb

Chapter 2) Climb

* * *

"Conall, get down here!" Ishtar's irate shouting echoed down the path, and I knew what I would find even before I started heading that way. "If I have to be bored listening to Master Senan's droning, so should you!" Because if Ishtar was yelling at Conall at this hour, then it was because Conall had once again skipped out of lessons. "Come on! At least sneak me out with you!" I had no idea how he got so good at it, or how he got so high so quickly. But it often felt like you blinked and Conall had climbed from the ground to the roof. "Conall!" Literally.

"How did it happen _this_ time?" I asked, finally finding Ishtar standing in one of the back courtyards, scowling up where Conall was lounging on the roof of the castle. With a book. I didn't know how he climbed up there, and I _especially_ didn't know how he climbed up with a book. But he had. Somehow. "And how long?"

"He climbed out the window of the room in the middle of it!" Ishtar stomped her foot, clearly irritated. Conall, as typical, ignored her. "Conall! That's not fair!"

"Oh dear." That meant Master Senan was going to devour ten hours of my day complaining about my 'impolite and headstrong' nephew. Again. "Conall?" For me, Conall waved, but he didn't move to stand up or do anything besides turn the page of his book. "Conall!"

"Wow, Conall's high!" Julius raced up then, waving. "Conall!" he called with a laugh. Conall set his book down briefly to smile and wave. "Hey, can you help me up?"

"Absolutely not!" Cyas, however, joined us quickly and snatched Julius's hand. He had a firm grip on Julia as well. "You'll break your neck!" he scolded. Julius sulked, while Julia looked up at Conall with sparkling eyes. Cyas tucked her a little more firmly to his side. It took me a moment to remember that Cyas had been giving Julius and Julia their own lessons. "I don't know how Conall manages without breaking something!"

"Aw, but it looks fun!"

"No!"

"I'm sorry this disrupted your lessons, Cyas," I murmured, mostly because I knew by now that if Conall didn't want to come down, he wasn't going to. And him returning to his reading hinted he didn't want to. "And I should ask Aida how she kept you from doing this."

"I had sense," Cyas grumbled. Still, he smiled and shook his head. "And we had just finished, actually.." Julius broke out of his grip, but I snagged him instead. Julius sulked at me, but I just kissed the top of his head and kept him still. "Ishtar, I think you're only straining your throat with the continued yelling."

"Grr…" Ishtar grumbled, stomping her foot. She glowered at Conall, who ignored all of us. "Conall! Seriously, get down! It's not fair!"

"Well, it's very lively out here." Now Arvis appeared, carrying papers that hinted he'd just got out of a meeting. He looked at all of us and then looked up to where Conall was reading. On the roof. Again. You'd think we'd have a better system for getting him down by now. "You know; I thought Ethnia was joking when she said that she saw Conall climb up past the window," he noted absently. It took me a moment to remember that he'd been meeting with Ethnia this morning about the taxes for Friege. She and her husband managed Friege for Bloom, since he spent most of his time in Alster. "When did he get up there?"

"Probably not that long, considering Ishtar hasn't yelled herself hoarse yet," I replied. Though it wasn't for a lack of trying. She always got irritated with Conall skipped class and didn't help her escape too. "Their teacher is going to be mad."

"Probably madder than you think since Conall got perfect marks on the last test. Ishtar did too of course, but Ishtar at least pretends to behave." Arvis looked up between Conall and the ground for some reason and then passed me the papers he'd been holding. "Julius, Julia, Ishtar, don't do what I'm about to do. Cyas, please continue to have sense like Aida and not do what I'm about to do."

Before any of us could ask what he meant, Arvis walked over and climbed up the side of the wall, all the way to the roof where Conall was. Julius and Julia gasped and cheered, Cyas facepalmed, Ishtar looked curious, and I sighed, now thoroughly convinced that this climbing thing was endemic or something with the Fjalar bloodline. Fire and climbing up walls. That's what I married into.

"Wait, you got up here?" Conall asked, looking down curiously. He sulked when Arvis marked the page in his book and shut it. "How?"

"I've locked myself out of my study too many times to not know how to scale up walls," Arvis answered easily, with a shrug. That did remind me of how I'd caught him doing that once, a while ago. I'd been so worried! "It was that or pick locks, and Aida won't teach me."

"I meant the path."

"Ah, that's this way." Arvis tucked the book under his arm. "You might need a different path, though. You're shorter."

"Well, yeah." Still, he followed Arvis down well enough, only having to make some deviations to the path before being safely on the ground like the rest of us. And other people with some degree of sanity. "I was just getting to the good part."

"Then here's your book." Arvis returned it, and Conall took it carefully. I tried to not wince at the noticeable distance between them. Conall was very polite, even cordial, to Arvis, thankfully, but while he'd slowly warmed up to me within the last two years, he refused to warm up to Arvis. Of course, Arvis was just happy Conall was safe, adapting more or less well to the new life in Belhalla, and willing to talk to him. But it still did make me sad. "Why did you climb onto the roof now?"

"My book is way more interesting that Master Senan repeating himself about the 'glories of aqueducts'." Conall shrugged, brushed his hair out of his face, bumping his earring in the process. As always, he wore the ruby and gold drop in his right ear and a ruby stud in his left ear, though it could sometimes be hard to see since he was growing out his hair. 'To be like Shanan', he'd said. I had to quietly ask around before learning that was the name of Isaach's missing prince, the one the traitors had saved and sheltered. It was probably the only thing I liked about them. Children deserved to be protected.

"The aqueducts are important, though. They help supply the entire city with fresh water, so that the people of Belhalla do not have to walk half a day for water."

"Yeah, but it's the third day in a row and he's saying the same thing." He shrugged and turned to Ishtar. "Sorry, by the way. You looked asleep."

"I was, until his squawking woke me up," Ishtar grumbled. She softened a trifle, though. "I can't climb away like you."

"I'll teach you," Conall offered easily. He grinned suddenly and turned to Julius and Julia. "Hey, wait, I told you two I'd teach you as well, right?"

"You are not!" I immediately protested. Arvis, as typical, just laughed. He rarely discouraged _any_ of their antics. "No!"

"Not the building! Well, not at first." Conall now bounced, eyes bright with mischief, and he seized Ishtar's hand. "Come on! We make our escape!"

In a whirlwind of movement, Conall, Ishtar, Julius, and Julia all disappeared down the path, though Conall stopped to carry Julius piggyback before long, since Julius's frail health meant he couldn't run long. I debated chasing after them, but knew it was probably not the best idea. For one thing, between the four of them, I was certain I'd lose them before long. They always seemed to know the palace better than me!

"I could go after them, if you want," Cyas offered, noticing how conflicted I was. Arvis was just beginning to calm his laughter. "I have a shift at the infirmary soon, but…"

"No, no, it's fine," I sighed. Regardless of everything, Conall and Ishtar were protective of Julius and Julia and very careful with both of them. "Aida's here, isn't she? You should use the free time to spend it with your mother."

"Well…" Cyas fidgeted a bit, torn between 'I am legally an adult, and I should be serious-mature' and 'my mom is the best and I miss her'. The latter won. "I'll see you later!" And he was off nearly as fast as the children, to my amusement.

"He's grown up well," Arvis noted, smiling in relief. I nodded in agreement, giggling. "Though, I do wonder if he's the Fjalar Major of their generation. It would make sense…"

"His Mark is too small for it, yes?"

"It's small for a Major, but large for a Minor. But, then again, it's barely larger than Alicia's had been." As always when mentioning Alicia, he winced a bit in pain. Two years had done nothing to dull the pain. He even still wore a bit of black for mourning, both her and still-missing Azel. At this point, Arvis had 'accepted' that Azel was dead, wherever he'd gone, as much as one could accept such things. "We _could_ solve it by letting him hold Valflame, but…"

"He refuses to, yes?" Cyas, rather like Alicia surprisingly, liked being able to hide and it was almost like his Mark reflected that. Much bigger, and it would've been hard to hide under his clothes. "He likes being a simple healer. And tactician." Like his grandfather and Alicia, and like Aida. It was an interesting combination, but Cyas made it work.

"He does, and so long as that's what he wishes, we'll do our best to help him." Arvis smiled gently and I smiled back warmly in agreement. Even if Cyas wasn't technically 'my' child, he was still very much part of my family. Though the children didn't know how Cyas was related to them, yet. "Regardless, here, I'll walk you to your next meeting."

"And never did I have such a fine escort!" I took his hand and laughed as we walked back into the palace, heading to where I'd meet with some representatives from Jungby to discuss ways to bolster trade there, particularly since Chalphy refused to cooperate. The most Chalphy allowed was access to the port, and even then, they said that it was less for us and more because Miletos asked. I would've thought the long-standing friendship between Chalphy and Jungby would make them more amicable, but the only sign of that friendship nowadays was the single birthday present, sent by Bishop Palmark who was the unofficial leader, to the young lord Scipio every year. Otherwise, Chalphy was always one-step below rebellion, always careful to not break laws to avoid us sending an army there, but making it clear that they only didn't for pragmatic reasons. It was absolutely frustrating and...

I stiffened suddenly as a cold wave of… I didn't even know washed over me, and I whirled, trying to figure out the source. My eyes immediately fell on a person wearing fine yet simple green and brown clothes, matched with worn and sturdy leathers. But what caught my attention the most was the absolutely murderous glare they leveled at me. If looks could kill, I would've been dead a thousand times over. I thought I was going to die anyway.

"You're from the Verdanite delegation, yes?" Arvis asked, voice deceptively polite. It was the tone he used for people who particularly annoyed him. "Is there an issue?"

"There's always issues with you two," they spat, voice cold with hatred, dripping with venom. "Always." They focused on me again, with all the hatred in the world, and stormed away without another word. Short. It was so short of an interaction. But it shook me. It shook me terribly.

They knew me. Whoever they were, they knew me. I could feel it in by bones. I could ask them, but that hateful glare… it scared me. It made me feel like if I _did_ learn, I'd lose everything. I'd lose this happy life I loved so much. Then I felt guilty, because shouldn't I learn? Shouldn't I make sure that they can't blackmail me? Shouldn't I make sure their knowledge won't shadow or ruin all the work I've done? But I was afraid. I was afraid. I did want to know, but at the same time, I didn't. I wanted, but… but…!

Arvis hugged me, stroking my hair as I leaned into him shivering. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know. I did, but I didn't. I liked the life I had. I liked being happy. But was it wrong? Was it wrong for me to be happy?

That person's glare screamed 'yes', and gods, I knew I didn't want to learn why that was.

* * *

I ended up having to take a couple days off, simply because I shook too much to be taken seriously. Arvis reassured me that everything was fine, and would be fine. If anything happened, we'd face it together. But it still made me almost nauseous from guilt, both over the amnesia itself and being afraid to learn. Even when I did decide to return to my duties, I still wasn't feeling that well and had to fight to keep from randomly bursting into tears to try and pretend things were fine. But the children knew something was wrong and had been their absolute sweetest while I struggled to find my footing again. Julius would curl up with me and tell me excitedly about his day. Julia would play with my hair and practice braiding while asking me questions. Ishtar and Cyas even went shopping to find me a pretty little trinket to make me smile.

"Here!" Conall decided the thing to do was give me flowers, almost always finding me when I walked outside for fresh air to give me one. "For you!" he chirped, beaming up at me. I smiled warmly at him and tucked the flower in my hair. I didn't know what it was, but it was a pale yellow and white and beautiful. "It'll be okay, you know."

"You think so?" I asked, laughing a bit. It did feel better hearing it was Conall, since he had once disliked me so. "What makes you think that?"

"It's your memory, right? That's the only thing that gets you like this. No one is going to bother actually doing anything unless you start messing up bunches." He shrugged and I stared at him, very confused by how he guessed so easily, and why he was so… "And the only people angry at you have no power to do anything even if they do try."

"Um… Conall?" Now I was unnerved. "Why do you say that?"

"Because that's what we learned?" He frowned a bit at me, almost sulking. "I don't _always_ escape lessons, you know. And I read!"

"...I need to have a talk over what Master Senan is teaching you." That did _not_ sound like a proper lesson for eight-year-olds! At all! "But now I'm curious why you think they have no power."

"Because it's the people who loved Sigurd, and they're either dead, missing, or hiding. Obviously." He looked past me suddenly, and grinned. "There's Ishtar! Got to go! I'll find you another flower later!"

"Wait, Conall!" I tried to stop him, but he didn't even pause. He ran over to where Ishtar was walking with her father, and the two quickly ran to a nearby tree. It took a moment to realize Conall was teaching her how to climb, just like he'd promised. "Ah…"

"Your majesty, is everything well?" Bloom asked, walking over to me. He peered worriedly at my face, frowning even. "There is the meeting, but…"

"No, I'm just dealing with one of those 'is this normal for eight year olds' moments with Conall," I murmured. That was definitely unnerving. "Again."

"Did it have anything to do with a surprisingly grasp of political power structures? Because Ishtar surprised me with _that_ earlier today."

"I am definitely talking to their tutors." But still, it did lead to a thought I hadn't considered the past two years. If Alicia had known about my past, then it wouldn't have been a surprise if people she knew had as well. Maybe even one of the caretakers who had raised Conall until he came here had known. And maybe they had told… but was that something one would tell a child? Was it simply the environment he spent his early years in? Isaach didn't like us. Isaach hated us, even now. So it was plausible he just learned from it instead. Still, I couldn't help but wonder... "Who was Alicia friends with…?"

"Well, you, your majesty." Bloom still frowned worriedly at me, and it took me a moment to realize that I'd said the question aloud. "Though, I will admit that she kept her distance from everyone else."

"That's true." I wracked my memory, trying to remember if she mentioned any friends or anything. But honestly, she hadn't said _anything_. In none of my memories had she ever brought up friends, not around me at least. She barely brought up Chulainn, in fact. She kept her silence about the past, and talked only of things that had happened since she began living with us. Why? Had it been too painful? Or, if she had known something, did she worry it would hurt me? I could see her keeping silent for that. She had been a healer. Even the thought of causing harm always made her squirm. Honestly, I was certain that was the only reason Manfroy wasn't dead yet... "Ah, I'm thinking myself in circles."

"Is there a way I can assist?" Bloom smiled kindly and I smiled back after a moment. Despite his father's treachery, Bloom had always been a stalwart ally to Arvis and me, doing his very best to help us. We did have some disagreements of course, namely with how strictly he ruled the Manster District, but that was the worst of it. "You know I am always willing to listen."

"Well, this might surprise you, but it has to deal with the amnesia I complain about at least once a month." I couldn't help but be a little sarcastic, which did make him laugh. "Though, this time, it's less 'who am I?' and more 'who knows?'."

"I see." Bloom nodded and led the way back inside the palace. "Has someone threatened you?"

"No, not overtly or anything." ...I hoped no one had. It did occur to me that if someone tried, Aida would deal with them. Painfully. She was more or less the captain of the guard here and took it seriously. "I did have someone glaring at me, though, and they were so hateful…" I tried to smile, but it was a bit painful. "Makes me a bit scared." Then there was what Conall said. Did he say that the people who hated me loved the traitorous Sigurd because they disliked he had died? Or was it something else? If it was, I wasn't sure… I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I mean; what if it was something horrible, like I was _friends_ with him or something before he killed my father? That would be so painful!

"I think you're lost in your thoughts and not hearing me." Bloom's tone was at least amused as I squeaked. He was absolutely right. "You're thinking too hard."

"Probably." I sighed, and fidgeted with the flower in my hair. Then I shifted to tuck it more in my circlet to be more secure. "What were you saying, though?"

"I was simply saying that if the past causes complications, it wouldn't be the first time. The greatest error would be to think you have to face it alone." He smiled gently and I smiled back, touched. Things like this reminded me that while he was strict and stern, he was the one raising Ishtar and Ishtore to be so sweet, if a tad mischievous. Hilda… I wasn't so sure about her. She was polite enough, but sometimes… "If I made be bold, I'm wondering if you're shaken by being hated and then that feeds into your insecurity."

"That…" I paused a bit and then smiled sheepishly. That did make sense. I wasn't used to being hated. The worst I had experienced was Conall's hostility when he first arrived. Everyone else was at least respectful and polite. "And the shock."

"And the shock." He nodded, though, clearly thinking carefully. "Again, if someone tries to use the past you do not remember, we will all support you." He smiled slightly. "Or we leave it to Arvis. He is a master at setting people up to their own downfalls."

"That _is_ true." He didn't do it often, but a few months ago, a noble insulted Aida horribly, with 'disease-ridden whore' being the _tamest_ thing said. After Aida easily defeated him in a duel, Arvis carefully arranged his complete social disgrace. The family actually ended up disowning him. "Ah, I really am worrying too much, huh?" Though now my mind focused on what Conall said. Did _he_ know about my past? It was possible. But then again, Conall was always so honest with his thoughts and feelings. I wasn't sure he was at an age to keep secrets. "Yes, much too much." It must've just been something he connected between the lessons I wasn't sure I liked for eight year olds and his early life in Isaach. Children were always more observant that you expected.

"And there is your smile again." Bloom smiled back, noticeably relieved. "The servants have been incredibly worried, you know."

"Oh no! I need to make it up to them!" Both of us turned down a hallway, a lesser used one that was a shortcut. But then we both froze because there were two servants sprawled out in puddles of blood, a third one coughing up blood, and a fourth person with clothes that concealed their form and face pulling a sword out of the third one.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. Blood. So much blood. I'd never seen this much blood, really. The Battle of Belhalla had been bloody, but I'd been safely inside when things got worse. So much blood. I'd never seen it. But something resonated in my head. All the blood. Screams I remembered yet didn't. Black flames. Screaming someone's name. Screaming in general. What was… what was…?

"Assassins…!" Bloom breathed. He then snarled and gestured sharply, the air crackling with electricity. I felt like I was in the middle of a thunderstorm, and that I was experiencing static shock from the air. Then a giant lightning bolt fell from the ceiling onto the 'assassin' with a near-deafening 'bang''. When the sound and lightning cleared, there was only a black spot on the ground where the person was. Mjolnir. That was Mjolnir. I'd never seen him use it before, but I knew that was it. "Empress Diadora."

"R-right!" I gasped. I coughed a little, covering my mouth as my stomach turned. What was that? Had that been an echo of a memory? Was that the incident that led to me losing my memories? Traumatized me to the point that my mind threw away everything to stay sane? Even the tiny bits were so terrifying. I… I didn't want to remember! I… "The children!" That, however, was terrifying in a completely different fashion, and one I could more easily act on.

Bloom and I immediately raced back outside, to the tree where Conall and Ishtar had been, but of course, they weren't there. We ran to the lesson room since they did have lessons soon, but of course, they weren't there either. By this point, the news of assassins had spread, leading to chaos and lots of panic as people rushed about. The two of us almost stampeded over Aida, and while we were reassured Cyas was safely in the infirmary, _no one_ knew where the children were. Any of them. Aida ran off to try and deal with the assassins and prevent casualties from being too high, and Bloom and I hunted for the children, becoming more frantic by the second. Both of us nearly attacked Arvis when he surprised us. To be fair, he had Valflame half-cast because we'd surprised him too.

"Diadora! Bloom!" he breathed, grabbing me in a tight hug. I leaned into him briefly, relieved that he was well. I figured he would be, but still… "Have you seen the children? Aida hadn't and I can't find them."

"Sadly, not yet," Bloom growled. He tugged on his gloves sharply, tense with panic and jerky with fear. Where were they? Did the assassins get _them_? S-surely they wouldn't go after children! But then again… "Where haven't you looked yet?"

"Inner gardens." Arvis stepped away and, almost absently, touched the flower still pinned in my circlet. Surprisingly, despite the mad rushing about, it hadn't fallen. I hoped that was a good sign. "I was heading there."

"We'll come with you, then."

We did check in with Aida first, just to make sure, but seeing as no one _still_ had found the children, we ran for the inner gardens. The way to it was sadly blocked by fighting, so we ran up to the second floor instead, planning on just climbing down. Arvis was good at it, and honestly, neither Bloom or I cared if we broke something so long as it meant we found the children, safe and sound.

Even with that resolve, though, I froze when we made it to the part of the second floor that opened up to the garden, and found flames. It was burning. Someone had set it on fire. No, I didn't want them to burn it. It was my favorite place, and I walked there with Alicia. Why would they take away one of the few places I remembered? One of the few places I had such precious memories…

"Ishtar!" Once again, Bloom jolted me from my thoughts, but this time, it was because we _finally_ found one of the children. Ishtar was on the second floor, leaning over the railing a bit… to help Julius over. Because Julius was climbing up the walls and vines, slowly, to reach the second floor. Julia was just below him, climbing too with shaking hands, and Conall was right at the bottom, yelling encouragement and tips. It took a second to realize why they were doing that; they were trapped. The fires had completely blocked them in. Conall, Julius, and Julia weren't very good at controlling fire yet. So, someone, probably Conall, chose for them to go up. It wasn't the smartest thing. Julius and Julia weren't good climbers. They were all targets. There _were_ assassins nearby. But you couldn't blame children for not having a perfect plan. They must be scared out of their minds and, to be fair, no one was slinging spells anywhere near them. The assassins were nearby, but they didn't seem to be paying attention to them, focusing on all the other chaos.

"Julius!" Arvis made it to Ishtar first, and pulled Julius over the railing. Bloom half-fell, half-slid next to Ishtar and hugged her tightly as she began sobbing. Julius stumbled over to me, crying as he clung tightly, as Arvis climbed over the railing and braced himself before reaching down again, this time to help Julia. Seeing Arvis, Conall began climbing as well, knowing Arvis would have Julia up before long.

It all changed in a blink. One of the assassins launched a spell, a thunder spell, right at Julia's back, even though there had been no spells before this. But it didn't hit her. It didn't hit her, because by either accident or acting-older-than-he-was or _something_ , Conall had managed to pull himself up to shield Julia right before it hit. So it hit him instead. And he fell. He fell, hit the ground, and then didn't move.

All sound disappeared for me. I noted Arvis pulling Julia to safety. I noted Julius running to Julia and both of them crying, with Arvis hugging them, even as he looked over the edge in horror. Ishtar continued to sob. Bloom struggled to comprehend what just happened. Conall didn't move. He didn't move. He was hit by one of their spells and now he wasn't….

How… how _dare_ they…!

Filled with fury, I actually climbed down to the garden, ripping my dress in the process. When I landed, my feet and ankles throbbed. But I didn't care. I still stormed over to the group of assassins, ignoring the heat of the flames as I got close. One or two smirked before all of them blanched as I began calling on the most powerful spell I had, one of the most powerful spells in the world.

"Normally, I'd apologize for attacking," I hissed, bringing my hand up. Golden light spiraled from it, drowning the world. "But not this time." Blue-green-white light snaked from my fingertips to surround the targets, _all_ of the assassins I could see. "You tried to kill my daughter." More light, just blue, whipped about me. "You hurt my nephew." All the different colored lights began to converge, save the gold that drowned everything. "So, I'm not sorry." The lights stretched into a transparent form with blue-green-white scales and wings somewhere between a dragon's and a birds. It opened its mouth, with golden light forming between razor sharp teeth. "And you're going to fall now."

When I practiced my magic, I tended to use Aura. It was comfortable and I honestly didn't need much more power. Thanks to Naga's blood, I was _very_ powerful. But for wretches like these, even the Book of Naga was too good for them. But it certainly made a statement of _how pissed off I was_.

When the spell faded, there were only bloody smears where their bodies had been. Later, I'd probably be ill over it. No, I definitely would be. But now, too angry to care, I glared at them through the smoke, since the force of the spell had dispelled the flames. Then I remembered just why I was so angry and ran back, nearly tripping over my own feet in my haste.

At some point during my rage-kill, Arvis had climbed down to pick up Conall, carefully cradling him against his chest. Conall was unconscious, with blood trickling down the side of his head, and it took me a few moments to see that he was breathing. There was a smoking, jagged, bleeding hole in his back, and I was far too scared to look any closer. I had never seen him so still. He… he...

"Emperor Arvis! Emperor Diadora!" Bloom called from above. He leaned over the railing a little and, in between the bars of the railing, I could see a tearful Ishtar, Julius, and Julia looking down at Conall in confused horror. They didn't know what was going on, but they knew it was bad. "I'll get these three to a safe place. You two get Conall to the infirmary."

I almost protested, partially because I wanted to reassure Julius and Julia. But I realized quickly Bloom was right. Conall needed immediate medical treatment, if only for that fall, and Arvis wouldn't be able to reliably cast spells while carrying him, because Conall couldn't be jostled. So, I'd need to be near, to fight if need be, at least until we found guards to take over. So, I nodded and shook Arvis's shoulder to make sure he was paying attention. Arvis nodded back, looked up to smile up at the children like everything would be just fine, and then the two of us left the gardens.

Oh, Conall… please… please… Gods, please, don't take him!

* * *

The death toll was twenty-five, four servants and nineteen guards. Aida was beside herself trying to figure out how so many assassins managed to sneak in without anyone noticing and swore to figure it out, no matter how long it took. After dropping Conall off with Cowen, Arvis and I ran around, fighting off any remaining assassins and reassuring the survivors. Then we darted to the room where Bloom had taken the children, heavily guarded, so that we could hug and reassure them, giving as much comfort as we could. Only after all of that, and making sure the children were fine with us leaving for a moment, did Arvis and I return to the infirmary to ask about Conall. Sadly, it… it wasn't good.

"The good news is that you brought him back in time for us to prevent any permanent brain and nerve damage," Cowen explained, in a tone that made it all too clear that there was bad news on the way. Nearby, Cyas smoothed the blankets over Conall, and made sure the pillows were fluffed. Despite Conall normally being a light sleeper, waking up just from opening the door to the bedroom, he didn't stir. "The worst will be recovery and the scar on his back. If he wakes up."

" _If_?" Arvis repeated softly, voice a little fragile even. I couldn't even say that much. I tried to distract myself by looking around at the infirmary, but thanks to Aida's quickness, there had been few enough injured that curtains had been set up to give the illusion of privacy. So all I could see was the little nightstand and chair set up by Conall's bed, the white curtains, and Conall looking far too small in a bed with crisp white sheets and pale blue blankts. "He might not…?"

"I won't lie, Arvis. You and I have known each other too long for that." It took a moment to remember that would of course be the case. Arvis and Aida had been friends since their early teens. "If he didn't have Holy Blood, I am certain he'd be dead. Honestly, it's a bit of a miracle he's still alive even when taking that into account." Cowen looked over to Conall. Cyas was definitely just fussing at this point, adjusting the blanket, but it was hard to blame him. This would've been the first time Cyas saw a friend, saw _family_ , with anything serious. "That said, he is blessed by two Crusaders, Fjalar and Od." That… that was true. You could see part of Conall's Holy Mark, where it curved over his right shoulder. Or you did before Cyas pulled the blankets to Conall's chin. "The legends do talk of their ability to stand strong, even with death clawing at their heels."

"'Her fires do not flicker even as the blood tries drown the spirit and as death looms over her shoulder, she laughs in triumph'." Arvis whispered the words absently, like he was reciting something. Probably was. "That's one such description of Fjalar. I don't know any for Od, though."

"'Though the blood streamed down, he stands firm, defiant at those who managed to hurt him, daring them to try again.'" Cowen smiled slightly. "Both of those are from the battles of Darna, before the miracle." Cowen looked down briefly, and then his smile became very calm, his demeanor perfectly serene. I recognized the shift; Alicia had done it too. It was a healer thing. "Well, regardless, that is the prognosis. There's a chance, but it wouldn't hurt to pray." Then Cowen left, to tend to the other injured. Conall was not his only patient, after all.

"I miss Aunt Alicia," Cyas murmured after a moment. He stepped back from Conall, and I honestly wondered if he knew Arvis and I were here still. "If she were here to help Grandfather instead…" He laughed bitterly. "Of course, asking her to tend to her own dying son… that's almost a healer's nightmare. The only thing worse would be failing." He looked up at Arvis and me and smiled tiredly. "Sorry, I shouldn't be rambling. It's not proper for a healer."

"You don't have to censor yourself with us," Arvis immediately chided. He walked over and rested a reassuring hand on Cyas's back. "You're grey with exhaustion, though."

"First emergency." Cyas tried to do a 'healer's smile', but it just became more wan and tired. "I'll take a break if Grandfather doesn't need the help, though." Then Cyas left, careful to shut the curtains to continue giving us privacy. Leaving Arvis and I to stand there helpless, as Conall quietly fought for his life. It was unnerving. I hadn't felt this helpless in a very long while, back when I was first found by the Velthomer servants. I wondered if Arvis ever…

"Ha… I haven't felt this helpless since I was a child," Arvis whispered. He reached down to brush the hair out of Conall's face, but stopped himself. Conall didn't like any of us adults initiating contact. While I was sure he'd forgive us in the immediate aftermath, it wasn't really right to do so while he slept. Or something. It made sense to me, at least. "Well, that's not quite true, but…"

"I understand," I whispered. The worst part was that we couldn't do anything now and we honestly couldn't have done anything yet. If we'd found them sooner, certainly, but… "What are we going to tell…?"

"I don't know." He smiled bitterly. "But we should get to them and…"

"Um…" Ishtar poked her head in, looking strangely solemn for her. "Cyas said it was okay to visit?" she explained. Arvis and I just exchanged a wry smile. Of course they'd come here on their own. I just hoped they'd asked for an escort. "Father is talking with Cowen. But…" She struggled to continue her sentence and then gave up to just walk in, over to Conall. "Hey, you shouldn't be sleeping at this hour." She poked his cheek, something that normally got some sort of reaction. But Conall didn't even twitch. "Wake up, dummy… you're supposed to teach me more climbing, remember?"

"Mama, Papa," Julius called, warning us that he was here. He and Julia came in then, and Julia had completely dissolved into tears. Arvis immediately went to both of them, and hugged them tightly. After a moment, Julius wiggled out so that Julia had the hug to herself, and he came over to me to get another hug. "I brought this." He held up Conall's stuffed dog. "It keeps monsters away."

"Does it now?" I asked, trying to be amused. But all of them were so solemn and sad, and I could see the confusion hiding there as well. They didn't understand. They knew what death was, but they were too young to understand that they could die. That Conall could die. "Who told you that?"

"Conall did, when I was scared of the monster under the bed." Julius moved to Conall's side, carefully placing the stuffed-dog on the pillow by Conall's head. Ishtar, meanwhile, continued poking Conall's cheek, like if she poked him enough times, he'd wake up. "Now the monster that hurt Conall will be scared!"

"...That's right." I glanced over at Arvis and Julia, with Julia still sobbing into Arvis's chest and him trying to comfort her. I only heard bits and pieces of their conversation, even though I was near, but what I did hurt my heart. Julia only understood one thing about the situation; Conall was hurt keeping her safe. She was too young to be blaming herself like this… "It still might take a bit, though. The monster hurt Conall bad." I would never forgive these assassins, and whoever sent them. Never.

All of us lingered around the bed, with Bloom joining us after a moment, trying to comfort the children and process everything. When Cyas came back to check on Conall, Julius asked if he and Julia could stay with Conall, since the three still shared a room together. Cyas ducked back to ask his grandfather, and soon returned with Cowen's permission for _one_ person to stay with Conall through the night. Any more would be too disruptive. Julius immediately volunteered Julia, but asked if he could sleep with Arvis and me. Arvis and I agreed, of course. Honestly, no small part of me wanted to have Julia stay with us as well. But I couldn't tell her that when she looked so heartbroken and small as she crawled into bed next to Conall, curled up next to him. So, instead, I kissed her goodnight, kissed Conall goodnight like he was just asleep like normal, and made sure they were tucked in before leaving with Arvis, Julius, Bloom, and Ishtar. Julius clung to my hand tightly, and frequently asked for reassurance that Conall would be fine. Ishtar would reply something like 'of course he will!', but we three adults shared worried looks over their heads. We… we honestly didn't know, and we didn't know how to explain that to any of them.

Arvis and I didn't sleep much that night. We both just watched Julius sleep, and thought of all the things we could've done differently to spare our family this. The worst part was that we had no idea why the assassins were here and likely wouldn't know for a while. So, I wondered if it was my fault, if it was something to do with my amnesia. Something to do with that Verdanite that hated me so. If that was the case, I wasn't sure I wanted to actually know. Surely, if the people I had once knew associated with child killers, I was better off forgetting them. Or… something. It was all terribly confusing.

I just wanted the children to be happy. If _I_ wasn't allowed to be happy, then could they, at least, be happy? Please?

* * *

Conall didn't wake up the next day. Or the next. Or the next. He didn't wake up even after a week. Julius and Julia took turns spending the night with him, with the other staying with Arvis and me so that they wouldn't be alone in the room the three shared. Bloom extended his stay, officially to help with defenses if need be, but really, we all knew it was for Ishtar. She refused to leave until Conall woke up and she would visit every day, bringing fresh flowers to brighten the area, before playing with Julius and Julia to try and distract them and keep their cheer up. Cyas and Cowen tended to Conall, and all those injured in the sudden assault. Aida investigated everyone and everything, trying to figure out how so many people got inside. Arvis and I did what we could to comfort our children, while also ruling the empire because… because there was nothing else we could do. Neither of us could heal. Neither of us could do anything for… anyone, really. Besides try and make the future better.

"I'm so tired…" I whispered, pinching the bridge of my nose to ward off a headache. It was an exhaustion headache, simply because I couldn't sleep. Either I had nightmares of all the blood, of the servants dying, of the _children_ dying, of Conall's fall… Either I had nightmares of all of that, or I simply laid there, trying to not toss and turn too much and wake whichever twin was there. "Ugh…" And to make matters all the 'better', Manfroy decided to visit us and had been a guest for the past two days. I couldn't deal with this at all.

"Ah, Empress Diadora." What made matters all the worse is that I _swore_ he knew how little patience I had, and purposely sought be out to watch me struggle to keep my politeness. "Good afternoon, your majesty," he murmured, nodding. Somehow, he always managed to make simple greetings patronizing and mocking. "You look well."

"Good afternoon, Manfroy," I replied quietly. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't really want to talk to _anyone_ , but especially not him. "This isn't an area you normally are."

"Ah, I was just leaving the infirmary, actually. I thought I might check on poor Conall." He sighed, shaking his head. I stiffened, fear spiking through me. I… I wouldn't put it past him to kill Conall in his sleep. That was a scary thought, and not one I had any basis for. But, somehow… "Cyas, however, turned me away. Said that it was appreciated, but they needed no assistance." That was a lie. I knew Cowen and Cyas were working themselves rather ragged. They were only able to get a full night's rest last night. "Such distrust…" He smiled slightly, as if amused by everything. "I simply want to help the boy."

"You can't blame him for being skeptical. You and Alicia loathed each other, and made no secret of it." And every time Manfroy visited, Conall made a point to prank him, with Ishtar's help if she was in Belhalla. The last prank, though, Julius had helped him with; Julia had thought it too mean. "Besides, I think your talents are better suited helping Aida. Your ability to gather information is phenomenal, and I know she's still investigating."

"And conveniently keep me away." He said it, not me. "Goodness, goodness… one would think you didn't trust me."

"...No. No, I don't trust you." I delivered the words as coldly as possible and, for the very first time, he seemed genuinely surprised. "I don't like you. I am respectful, because you are a guest. I am polite, because I know you suffered trauma and it does shape your perception. But I do not trust you, and I don't trust you to be near the children." I glared at him. "So, if you please, stay away from them. Do not be alone with them. Because if I even _think_ you're hurting them, or planning to hurt them…" I trailed off, letting the silence fill in the blanks. "Ah, I feel _so_ much better getting that off my chest." I skipped past him, noticing he continued to be surprised. I could see why Alicia loved getting the last word on him. It was a bit fun. I kept up the surprisingly good mood all the way to Arvis's office, and began making tea for us both. It was the only way to ensure he'd actually take a break. And myself, for that matter. It was easy to just lose yourself in work when you felt helpless.

"Well, there's a smile I haven't seen in a few days," Arvis noted, looking up from his work briefly to smile at me. His was very tired. He'd slept even less than me. "What happened to brighten your mood so?"

"I told off Manfroy," I explained brightly, gesturing him over so that he could boil the water. However, at that point, I realized how bad of an idea that might've been. He was a guest, and ally.."Wait, I probably shouldn't have…"

"I might respect him and sympathize with him, but I think I trust him about as far as I can throw him. And that's not very far." Arvis stood up and helped me make the tea. Even after two years, I still had to check myself to not use Alicia's mix. It sat untouched on the shelf. Arvis had tried to make himself some of that tea a few times, but he always winced and put it away. Too painful still. "It's mutually beneficial, but neither of us actually trusts the other."

"I see." Yes, I could understand that. Manfroy's information network was, frankly, astounding. And Arvis gave his people shelter. I had to read extensively on the persecution the Loptyrians suffered. The hunts were the most horrifying parts to read. Children burned alive for no other 'crime' than being born… "Ah, I told him that I didn't want him alone with the children, and I stand by it."

"I can't say I dislike that idea. He's darker way of viewing the world isn't wrong, but I'm not sure children need to be exposed to that until they're older." Arvis sat down at the table, frowning. "He stares at Julius a lot. Something about it always unsettles me."

"Oh, I am _definitely_ keeping him away from Julius then." Still, I didn't want to keep thinking of Manfroy, so I changed the subject. "How's Conall?" Dread pooled in my stomach when Arvis winced. "Bad?"

"Cowen says that if he doesn't wake up soon, he's likely not going to wake up at all."

"...Oh…" I sat down hard in my own chair, because my legs couldn't hold my weight. "I see."

"Isn't it ironic?" Arvis began laughing bitterly. "I'd wanted to find them to make sure they were _safe_ , and then this happens." He leaned back in his chair and covered his face, like he was hiding tears. "I wonder if it's the gods' way of condemning me…"

"Oh, don't say that…" I did my best to smile reassuringly and pointedly poked his mug of tea towards him. "I'm… I'm sure he'll wake up. Considering how stubborn Alicia was..."

"And how stubborn Chulainn was, based on the letters…" He brought his hand down and picked up his tea with a rueful smile. "Right… we can't give up yet."

"Precisely."

We both purposely made sure to talk of lighter things, like how the twins were growing up too fast, or a prank Ishtar pulled. Of how Julius had a growing fascination with the birds flying about (Arvis told me that my father had actually owned quite a few hawks and falcons). Of how Julia badgered some of the maids to teach her basic sewing. Little things to make us smile and laugh before we dove into work, this time finalizing details to reinforce and repair the major trade routes, to make things easier on merchants and so that emergency supplies can be transported easier. After all, it wasn't right that people would starve due to one bad season, and it broke my heart to hear stories of those who had to abandon children in the hopes that someone else could give them a better life.

We worked on that until it was bedtime for the children, and we left to find Julia at our door, waiting patiently. Arvis picked her up and she sleepily curled into him, yawning all the while. However, she was still awake enough to tell us about her day, and we listened with rapt attention until she fell asleep, smiling at whatever dreams she had. I hoped they were good dreams, at least. Her smile said they were.

* * *

Perhaps rewarding our good work, or perhaps choosing to remind us that holding onto hope wasn't a bad thing or something… whichever, the gods gave us a miracle the very next morning. Conall woke up. Briefly. Cowen said that was normal, but now that he was awake, he'd finally be able to recover, something Cyas adamantly agreed with. Julia and Julius weren't allowed to stay with him during the night after that, mostly because Cowen wasn't sure how badly he'd be disoriented. They stayed with Arvis and I instead, nearly vibrating from excitement. Conall woke up, so he would be fine.

As soon as Conall could stay awake for more than a few minutes, Ishtar and Bloom left to return to Alster, having been away much too long. Ishtar grumbled about it, but Conall had just enough coherency to reassure her that he'd teach her more climbing when she next visited. Or, rather, he managed to string enough words together to get the point across. Ishtar threatened a prank in retaliation, but had skipped out with a smile. Everyone's moods slowly improved, and Arvis and I finally managed a full night's rest. Julius and Julia began pulling pranks again, and slowly, life became 'normal' again for our little family.

However, as Conall slowly came out of his coma, slowly became more and more coherent, he'd absently mumble a single request: 'warm milk with honey.' It was such an unusual request, one that made almost everyone confused. Why would someone put honey in milk? Or do much of anything with milk, really? It was originally dismissed as simply part of his incoherence, but it was a repeated request. Cyas had told me that. So, that was how I ended up in the kitchens once all my morning meetings were done, trying to figure out how to make this 'warm milk with honey'.

"It seems like it should be simple," I mumbled, paying close attention to the milk on the stove. The air was a bit acrid because of my failed previous attempts. Apparently, milk could burn. I never knew that before. "Is it really, though? Is there something I'm missing?" Though, honestly, I should probably focus a bit on just not burning the milk for the tenth time, instead of thinking too much. "...Did I burn it _again_?"

I had, and burned two more efforts before I _finally_ managed to simply 'warm' the milk, not burn. I stirred in a few spoonfuls of honey, like how you'd put sugar in tea, and then poured a mug. It was… a bit messy, and I made sure to clean up before I left, though I knew I'd have to apologize to the kitchen staff later. For the time being, though, I carefully carried the mug to the infirmary, scared that I would trip and drop it. But, thankfully, I made it, though I did ask Cyas to pull the curtain back for me. I really was nervous.

Conall, thankfully, didn't seem to notice. He just sat up in bed, moving stiffly and trembling from the effort, and tucked his stuffed dog in his lap before looking at me curiously. I was glad his gaze wasn't as fuzzy, since it reassured me that he really was getting better. He didn't remember much about what happened when he got injured, though. Cowen said that wasn't unusual. Honestly, I was just glad he hadn't lost _all_ his memories, like I had from whatever incident traumatized me so.

"Morning…" he mumbled, rubbing his eye sleepily. Then he blinked a few times. "Wait, hold on, I said that to Cyas ages ago… but that… uh..."

"It's afternoon, after lunch," I explained, giggling a bit. I probably shouldn't, but I was just so _happy_ he was awake again. "Um… so I'm not sure if I did this right, but here." Carefully, I passed the mug to him, helping him when his hands began trembling. That was just part of the recovery process, sadly. Cowen said that it would probably be months before he could walk around normally, with intensive therapy to help him regain his full range of motion. It would probably be a year before he had enough strength and coordination to go climbing about as he usually did. But Cowen was certain that the worst of the long-range damage was a spotty memory of the actual incident, and the jagged-circular scar on his middle-upper back where he'd been hit. It was just a matter of recovering, at this point. "I made you this."

"Warm milk with honey!" Conall's face lit right on up with that bright-bright smile he rarely wore. That, alone, made all the attempts worth it. "Yay! Everyone looked at me like my head was still injured."

"Well, it's a very unusual request."

"It is?" Conall looked almost adorably confused. "It's the primary comfort drink in Isaach."

"Ah, I see." That, however, startled me. Given the past two years… "Why didn't you ask for any before?"

"Because Shanan always made it. So, I made it for myself here." His tone was that 'is it not obvious?' tone only children could pull off. "But I really wanted it."

"I see…" Part of me felt a little sad, as it was a reminder of the distance he still kept between us. But then I became nervous again as he sipped the drink. "Does it taste okay?"

"Bit too much honey." He smiled, though. Not as brightly as before, but still, it was warm. "It's good, though."

"Good." I relaxed then, while mentally noting that fact. Just in case he asked for it again, and couldn't make it. "So, Conall, did you happen to have good dreams while you slept?"

"You mean in the coma?" Conall became thoughtful, enough that I decided against correcting him. I'd meant as he recovered. "Well, I'm not sure it was good. Well, it was, but it was weird too."

"Oh?" I sat down on the bed next to him, frowning a bit when I noticed how he'd lost some weight. It made sense, but still…

"Yeah, I dreamed I was sitting outside in a beautiful, snowy garden." His voice became distant as he began to remember. "The garden of some castle made from grey stone, with lots of snow and mountains about. And it was snowing. I was just sitting there, watching it fall."

"It sounds peaceful."

"It was, until I started hearing people." He sipped more of his milk, smiling. "I heard you and Arvis calling for me. I heard Ishtar tell me that I still had to help her with climbing. Julia crying. Julius asking me to wake up. Well, sort of. They were soft, distant, and I didn't 'know' it was me. It was just a person." That was… I wasn't sure how to react to that. "Then I started feeling a strange bit of warmth on my side." He gestured vaguely at his left side, and I thought of how Julia and Julius both curled up on the left when they stayed with him. "Then the crying got louder. I still didn't really know who 'Conall' was, but I wanted to help these people find them."

"Did you run to them?"

"No, because then I heard Mom." His face lit up at the 'memory'. It hurt my heart, because he really did deserve to know his parents. And we… "I know it was her. She smelled like medicine and had long red hair. She hugged me tightly to keep me from moving. And she said that I needed to stay put because the footing was bad. I said that people were crying, and she told me to wait. That Dad was finding a path for me." He continued to smile, perfectly content. I tried to not squirm. "Dad showed up before long and took my hand. I know it was him because he spelled of the oil that you use to tend to swords and he sang Isaachian lullabies and songs to keep me from being scared. Mom followed behind, a hand on my shoulder. Then they stopped and told me to take the last steps myself." He stared into his mug for a moment and then sipped more of the milk. "Then I woke up, saw fuzzy shapes, and swore Cyas was someone with a head injury because of the red. I told him he should see a healer for that. Then I went back to sleep." He laughed sheepishly, smiling a bit. "It was a good dream, I suppose. Weird, but I could pretend I saw my parents again."

"Yes…" Honestly, given how close to death Conall had been, I actually believed that it _had_ been Alicia and Chulainn, protecting their son even from beyond the grave. I knew that if I had such a chance, I'd do the same for mine, at least. But that just made me think of a question I had been wondering ever since… "Conall, why did you shield Julia?" I was glad Julia hadn't been hurt, but we could've lost him. "Was it on purpose? Accident?"

"Don't remember." He shrugged, though, strangely unbothered by it all. Was it a child's resilience? Was it something else? "But I'm glad she's safe."

"She is." I smiled at him and almost reached out to brush the hair out of his face. I stopped myself in time, though. "And before long, you'll be back to climbing to escape lessons."

"Yep~!" He grinned. "Oh, but I'm sorry."

"For?"

"I didn't get you another flower." It took a few seconds to even remember what he was talking about. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, Conall…" I focused on smiling to keep from crying. I really thought he should be a little more freaked out, but maybe that would be later, in the weeks to come, when it truly sank in how close he'd been to death. "There's no need to apologize. I'm just glad you're still here. That makes me smile more than any flower can."

"But I still promised I would and didn't." Now he was sulking. "Promises are _important_."

"That they are." What other reply was there? "In that case, how about you keep your promise when you're recovered?"

"Okay." He smiled again and went back to his milk. "Thank you."

"Of course."

I continued sitting by Conall until after he finished his milk and started nodding off. Then I took the mug back and tucked him in. I watched him sleep peacefully, mostly for the reassurance, before leaving the infirmary, making sure to thank Cyas for earlier. As I left, Julius and Julia rushed by with flower crowns on their heads and a third one carefully made and secured. Julia kept on going, with the third flower crown, but Julius stopped to give me a big hug first. I hugged him back, and tickled his side to make him giggle before he left to visit Conall, and I continued to my meeting.

On the way, though, I stopped briefly by the ruined, but recovering, gardens and whispered a quiet prayer thanking the gods for not disrupting my new happiness. If I paid later for it, that was fine. But so long as the children grew up safe and happy, I would have no regrets.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: So, why is Conall so good at climbing? Honestly, it was just a funny quirk I thought of randomly as a twin-quirk for him and Riona (her first chapter mentions she's often up in a tree or on the roof reading, and that she's also a good climber). And a set up for something in _Memoirs of the Holy War_ later, but neither here nor there. (Yes, Conall wearing the ruby drop by his right ear is intentional, but not just to mirror Riona.) For those who wondered why Alicia's Mark was 'unusually large', it was to set up Cyas's. For reminders, 'inheritance mechanics' mean Conall inherited 'Miracle' from Alicia.
> 
> Conall's anecdote from being in a coma is based off of stories I found from people who had been in comas while doing research (most were 'blacked out', 'fuzzy memories', and the like, but there were one or two that were _out there_ ; one basically 'lived ten years' in a dream-world, with marriage and kids and everything, that fell apart as soon as they realized something was off). That said, when someone comes out of a coma, it's always very gradual and often involves a lot of disorientation. It is not uncommon for those who go into comas to not remember much about the incident that landed them into the coma in the first place.
> 
> Children tend to begin grasping the concept of death at around age 4, which is about when they understand that death is irreversible. They tend to understand that 'dead people' can't do things 'living people can do' somewhere between 5 and 9 (children under the age of five tend to say things like a dead person can still feel if you poke them). It's only about at 9 or 10 when children begin understanding that death in universal, and that they might die, though often it's in a 'oh, that'll happen in forever, when I'm _old_ ' sort of way even then. (At least, so my research tells me.)
> 
> Ethnia being 'in charge' of Friege for Bloom is just for a bit of fun, to keep her in the storyline (she's only mentioned in-game if Tailtiu didn't have children) and to help with explaining how Bloom keeps track of Alster (and the Manster District) and Friege. (Yes, he could simply split his time, but still.) Scipio is a boss who shows up in the Final Chapter of FE4 and is Andrei's son. Palmark is a minor character from Game-Chapter Ten, who is specifically stated to have served under Sigurd in Chalphy. (Also, because I know it'll come up again. Yes, I am _well aware_ of what's actually going on with Tailtiu and I'm not changing it. Diadora and company don't know, however. They only know what Bloom tells them, and they only know the Bloom they see. Please get off my back about it.)
> 
> The description of the Book of Naga is based off of the FE4, Awakening, _and_ Heroes incarnations. As a slight reminder, 'dragons' in this series refer to Thracia's dragons (which would likely be dubbed 'wyverns' in a localization), _not_ the… well… manakete-dragons seen in most other games in the series.
> 
> For clarification, this chapter is 2 years after the previous (actually, glancing at the outline, all the chapters will have a 2 year time skip in between, save for the final and epilogue), so Conall and Ishtar are 8, Cyas is 16, and Julius and Julia are 6.
> 
> Next Chapter - Funerals


	3. Chapter 3) Funerals

Chapter 3) Funerals

* * *

"Conall, where did you get a lion cub?!" There were many sentences one expected to say when you were raising a rambunctious ten-year-old and two mischievous eight-year-olds. That sentence was definitely not one of them, but I found myself saying it anyway when I stepped outside for a bit of fresh air, and found Conall playing with a lion cub in the gardens.

"Hmm? Oh, Arvis got her, Diadora," Conall answered easily, barely looking up. Then again, he probably did have to focus on the _lion cub_ to make sure she didn't hurt him. "We'll send her to Agustria, of course, but for now, she's here."

"Arvis needs to warn me about these sorts of things…" I grumbled, facepalming. I could take a few guesses from there. Likely, someone had informed us that poachers had snagged some baby animals for their fur, again, and so he dealt with it. The animals always ended up here, under careful watch, until we could properly relocate the poor things and I didn't mind that at all. What I did mind was… "How did you sneak her out _this_ time?" Conall somehow, no matter what we did, always managed to sneak them out to play.

"Hmm? Oh, Cyas taught me how to pick locks." He laughed as the lion cub rubbed her face on his and did this odd purring-like sound. "His mom taught him."

"We need to change the locks again, then." At least it wasn't 'oh, I climbed inside and then climbed out while carrying them' like the last one. Though, to be fair, that one had been a hawk. "Goodness…"

"How's the university thing going?" Conall laid down on his back and the lion cub curled up on his chest, apparently napping. I was always surprised by how well he took to animals; he said that you just 'needed to respect them, like you did everything else'. "You were meeting about that, right?"

"Yes." It was an idea I'd had for a few years, some sort of place where those without access to personal tutors could learn more advanced topics, like physics or architecture. Arvis had loved the idea, and so, I'd slowly began trying to piece it together. "We finished thinking of funding. From there, we have to see if the budget can be adjusted for it, and then work on gathering scholars to teach."

"Can I attend?"

"If you still want to when all of this is completed, then sure." I smiled, a bit touched. I knew the request was mostly because for all his antics in escaping lessons, Conall did enjoy learning. Still, it made me feel like he was encouraging me. Some days were harder than others. "Now then, I do have to meet with Arvis. Please keep Julius and Julia away from the cub."

"Uh…" Conall smiled his most innocent smile. I sighed, already knowing what he was going to say. "They played with her earlier?"

"Oh, what am I going to do with you three?" It was telling that all I felt was resigned exasperation. "I hope someone responsible was near."

"Sure." That meant 'no'. "Have a good day!" And he quickly got to his feet, careful to not drop the cub, and jogged away to avoid more questions.

"Conall!" I sighed, facepalming. Still, I couldn't help but smile, just a little. It had taken over a year for him to recover from the spell and coma, and I was glad he was back to being energetic. Though it did lead to things like this. "I'll have to figure out a punishment later. Why can't he just be attached to domesticated animals, like a normal person?"

Sighing, I stepped back inside and walked over to Arvis's study. As usual, I didn't bother knocking before coming in, and Arvis was hard at work. However, he did look up and smiled when he saw me. "I was just thinking it was around the time you swing by," he teased. I smiled, shrugged, and went to make tea. "Did your meeting go well?"

"It did!" I replied cheerfully. I caught his eye and pointed to the tin of Alicia's tea. He shook his head. Still too painful. "Though, I do wish you'd warned me about the lion cub before I caught Conall playing with her."

"...I was sure he couldn't sneak in."

"Cyas taught him how to pick locks."

"For all his insistence that he's perfectly mature, Cyas still has some mischief." He sighed and I could only nod in agreement. "If Conall knows, then I'm sure Ishtar does as well." That was true. When it came to trouble, the two always made sure to keep even with each other. "Meaning I'm sure we'll get irate comments from Hilda, again, about teaching her little girl things a proper lady shouldn't know."

"The way she focuses on Ishtar honestly makes me worried she's ignoring Ishtore." Then again, I couldn't help but wonder if Ishtore was better off that way. It was mean to think, but I just could _not_ like her! "Regardless, a bit of warning? Just a simple message via servant?"

"I'll remember that." He smiled slightly, though. "I wonder if he let Julius and Julia play with-?"

"Oh, don't _encourage_ that!" I scowled and he brought his hands up in 'surrender'. "Is it another Fjalar thing I need to be aware of? Fire, climbing, and a desire to bond with wild animals?"

"No, I think Conall got that from Chulainn. Alicia's letters mentioned some complaints." He stood up with a stretch, wincing a little. His wrist must be bothering him. "Julius is fascinated by them, though. He reads about them all the time."

"Oh. Joy." I made my voice as dry as possible, and he laughed. "If one of them gets hurt, I will scream at you. Mark my words."

"Yes, dear, of course." He continued to laugh, but a knock on the door stopped that cold. We both looked at each other, confused. By this point, this daily break was routine and everyone knew to only disturb us if it was an emergency. "Come in."

"My pardons, your majesty," a servant murmured, bowing as they opened the door. "Lord Bloom has arrived and requested an audience."

"Bring him in, of course," I replied with a smile. As soon as they left, though, I glanced at Arvis worriedly. Bloom was normally in Alster at this point of the year. That he was here now rarely meant anything good. And the mourning black Bloom wore when he did arrive just broke my heart. "Oh no…" I gasped and immediately ran over to hug him, ignoring any attempt of 'royal elegance'. "Oh, who died?"

"Tailtiu," Bloom whispered. Arvis's expression blanked before he winced like someone had just punched him. "Tailtiu died."

"What happened?" I led Bloom over to the table and continued with making tea, this time for him. Arvis lingered by his desk, still reeling a bit. "If you don't mind…"

"She ended up… hurting herself badly on accident." Bloom spoke slowly, and though I was sure it was because of how painful it was, part of me couldn't help but think he was speaking around something. "I'm certain she didn't mean to. It was just… the madness."

"Who found her?"

"Hilda. Thankfully." He winced. "I don't want to think of what it would've done to Tine if she'd been the one to find her." He smiled tiredly, yet warmly, when I passed him some tea. "We're having her funeral in Friege, where she can properly be buried." Bloom smiled sadly. "I was wondering if you'd mind atten-"

"Of course we will," Arvis immediately agreed. He finally unfroze and walked over to hug Bloom. "I'm so sorry…"

"My sister's fate is not your fault, Arvis. Don't try to carry the weight of more dead." Bloom continued to smile bravely. "You'll finally get to meet Tine, at least. She's very shy, but…"

"We look forward to it." Arvis managed to smile back. "We'll warn the children to not overwhelm her."

"That _is_ a bit of a worry. But if they get too much, Ishtar and Ishtore can serve as distractions. They're both devastated, but worry more about Tine..."

Talk turned to what the funeral would entail, when we should come to Friege… things like that. Arvis and I also mentioned lighter things and managed to make Bloom laugh when Arvis and I 'bickered' over the lion cub and whether or not the children should play with her or not. Afterwards, Bloom went to rest and, as soon as he left, Arvis sat down at the table, hanging his head in his hands. No matter what Bloom said, Arvis at least partially blamed himself. Since she went mad from her experiences during and after the Belhalla Massacre, it was… it was difficult to say that he _wasn't_ partially responsible.

So, I didn't try. Instead, I made some more tea, just for him, and made him take the rest of the day off, to spend with Julius and Julia. I could handle his duties for an afternoon. After all, we worked together to make the empire a better place. I knew what he was working on.

* * *

The week of Tailtiu's funeral, it rained. It rained hard, like the heavens themselves were mourning her loss. Thankfully, Bloom had accounted for the rain when making preparations, so the funeral was still beautiful and lavish. He spared no expense, really, for his little sister's funeral and worked almost like a madman to keep from sobbing. I remembered seeing Ethnia beg him to take a break because she was legitimately terrified he'd work himself to death, and then she'd lose both her siblings. She was the only one who could convince him to take breaks. I wasn't sure Hilda even tried and I _swore_ she seemed more annoyed than upset over the death of her sister in law, more exasperated than sympathetic over the pain her husband and other sister in law felt, but that was likely just me being uncharitable. Everyone reacted differently to tragic situations. Everyone showed grief differently.

Still, the funeral itself had been lovely, if one is allowed to call a funeral 'lovely'. And then we all got together for the reception, paying respects, celebrating Tailtiu's life. Many of the visitors shared stories about how vivacious she had been. Of all her pranks and mischievousness. Of how she'd been like a thunderstorm or hurricane of movement. All things the madness stole away. All things Sigurd stole when he and his army kidnapped her. Yet another reason to hate the man. Honestly, it seemed like I got new ones every passing year. Why had anyone liked him? I was almost curious enough to ask.

"Oh, now that's just ridiculous," Arvis scoffed, listening to one story about the tragedy of Tailtiu's kidnapping. He and I were on the edges of the crowd, to avoid attracting attention, sipping some wine. "Absolutely ridiculous."

"What is?" I asked curiously. I glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention. Thankfully, no. People might try to use this as a means of worming their way into our favor. "What's ridicuous?"

"Tailtiu never went _anywhere_ she didn't want to." Arvis actually rolled his eyes at the thought. "Headstrong and energetic. She once flooded Dozel with letters because she learned Azel was staying over there with Lex and got jealous."

"Oh." I looked away, glad I hadn't said anything. If that was the case, then it… wouldn't have been a kidnapping at all. "Why would she leave?"

"Who knows?" He smiled bitterly. "It could be any sort of reason, from whimsy to a belief she was doing what was right. Knowing her, it was a combination of things."

"I see." I did have to admit. That suited the girl I'd always heard about. "She was part of the group that killed Reptor, yes?"

"Yes, I was told she tried to talk her father into surrendering, but he refused." And then Brigid of Jungby and Lewyn of Silesse killed him with their Holy Weapons. That's what Aida reported, at least. "Even the Holy Weapons are subjected to the magic triangle."

"Light magic isn't, though." I smiled a little smugly and he rolled his eyes, relaxing again. "I win~!"

"Yes, yes, dear." He eyed his wineglass warily. "How many of these have I had?"

"That's your second, and no one would blame you for getting drunk today, Arvis." After all, Tailtiu had been his little brother's best friend. With Lex dead, and Azel missing but presumed dead… Tailtiu had been the last of the trio.

"I would." He sighed, and I took his hand to squeeze it reassuringly. I knew his carefulness was because of his father. "Still, I do think I'll have one more. Make sure I don't have more than that."

"Of course." I leaned into his side, and he smiled gently at me. "You can count on me."

We fell silent, listening to the chatter and stories. I looked around for the children, and saw Julius making Ishtar laugh near the food table. Julia wasn't far away, talking shyly with Ishtore. Surprisingly, Conall wasn't near. I would've thought he would be. Ishtar was his best friend and he had stayed close to her and Ishtore during the funeral. I wondered if he was getting food or water for them, but as I looked about I realized that I couldn't see Conall at all.

"Excuse me." Bloom walked up then, distracting me briefly. "Have either of you seen Tine?" he asked quietly. He looked like a wreck. I'd never seen him as anything both stoically composed, but today, he didn't even bother to try. "I can't find her and…"

"No, but we'll help you look for her," Arvis immediately volunteered. I hailed a servant and passed our mostly empty wineglasses to them. "Where have you looked?"

"Mostly just in the room." Bloom smiled softly. "Thank you."

All three of us checked the room one more time before splitting up to check other areas. It was possible that Tine had, say, gotten lost while trying to find the crypt again. Or had tried to find a quiet place because all the sounds overwhelmed her. I actually wondered if she'd gone outside to try and be alone and so, decided to check around some of the covered areas outside. The rain continued to pour, hard enough that I half-thought I'd get a bruise if I stepped out into it.

I was just about to step back inside when, on a whim, I decided to check the gardens, even though there wasn't a covered area there. And, sure enough, that's where I found her. It's also where I found Conall. The two sat side by side on a bench, both drenched, Tine a bit less so. For the funeral, Conall had agreed to wear a cape in Grannvalian fashion, though the rest of his clothes were more Isaachian. I was sure he'd take it off at the first opportunity after the funeral, but instead, he held it over Tine's head to keep the worst of the rain off, letting her sob into his shoulder.

"S-sorry…" she hiccuped, rubbing at her eyes. She still continued to cry. "I…"

"It's fine," Conall reassured, voice very gentle. It reminded me of when he first met Julius and Julia, actually. "It hurts a lot, losing parents."

"You know too?"

"Yeah. I lost mine when I was little, and then I was taken from my 'new' family. And my twin sister." He glanced up at the sky, like he could see them if he squinted enough. "It's scary too."

"I-it is…" Tine continued hiccupping and crying. I thought about going to comfort her, she was only seven years old, but I stayed where I was. I felt like I'd be… unwelcome. "Does it stop hurting? Does it stop being scary?"

"Mmm… no, but it _does_ hurt less." Conall smiled sadly at her. "When I was first taken, I hurt so much. I swore they'd ripped half of my heart out, taking me from Riona. Then they ripped out another quarter, taking me from my family."

"Do you miss them?"

"Always." He shifted so that Tine was tucked a little better against him and he could relax his arm. It had to be tired. "But hey, it eventually mends. You find new things, new people, that help heal the hole. Still jagged, but you know." He shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "I'm rambling. You just keep on crying."

"H-Hilda said not to, though…"

"Hilda is a big jerk meanie. And I won't tell. Promise."

"O-okay…" Tine went back to crying, and Conall let her, giving her what shelter and comfort he could.

I turned away then, certain that I'd be unwelcomed if I tried to approach. Besides, I felt like crying as well. I hated that they were both hurting. I hated that they had to deal with that. I hated knowing that, even if indirectly, I had played some part, some role, in the events that led to them hurting so much. It was easy to talk of dreams and easy to believe in them, but the older I got, the more I worked, the more keenly I was aware that big dreams came with big sacrifices. And you couldn't always predict or control just what those sacrifices would be, or who they would cost. You just had to keep going with your head held high, and hope you were still doing the right thing. I still did believe that Arvis and I were doing what was best 'for the many', what was best for our people. But it did still hurt, knowing the people who paid the price.

"Ah, Bloom, there you are," I called, catching sight of him. He looked even more frazzled than before. "I found Tine. She's outside with Conall."

"In the _rain_?" Bloom asked incredulously. He looked out the nearby window for emphasis, where the rain was raining so hard that you honestly couldn't see well. "Why is she out there?"

"I think she went out to cry, and Conall made sure she wasn't alone." I pointed down the hall. "They're in the garden if you want to look."

"I…" He hesitated a bit before nodding. "I'll at least check. Tine hasn't really been able to cry about this. Too much of a shock, I think." He left, walking quickly, and I went to find Arvis to let him know Tine had been found.

However, just as I entered the reception room, Ishtar rushed up and tugged on my sleeve, to make sure she had my attention. "So, um…" she began, uncharacteristically shy. She fidgeted a bit before bowing. "Can Conall come with us to Alster?"

"Pardon?" I replied, mostly because I couldn't think of another response. That was rather out of the blue. And Conall was a bit young to… well, no, he _was_ ten now. "Why?"

"I just…" She looked up at me pleadingly. "I think he'd be able to help Tine more than Ishtore and me. And having someone to show around might help distract her."

"And you?"

"...And me…" Ishtar looked down again, this time to hide tears. "Aunt Tailtiu was always so nice. Told me stories. Laughed at my pranks. I love her, and it hurts. I asked Father, and he said that I really shouldn't stay here. I should be with family, and that makes sense. Tine will need me."

"Oh, Ishtar…" I ruffled her hair gently, not sure what else to do. "You visited her a lot, huh?"

"I did. I know Father said she'd gone mad, but I never saw that? But then again, I didn't know her before everything." She shrugged helplessly, and I couldn't help but frown, just a little. Children were rather accepting of things, but Ishtar was sharp enough… then again, she was right. She hadn't known Tailtiu before. "So, please? Please, can Conall…?"

"You ask your father, and Conall, and if both agree, then of course." I crouched down in front of her and gently touched her cheek. "If Arvis complains, I'll win him over."

"Oh, thank you!" She tackled me with a hug, nearly knocking me over. "Thank you, thank you!"

* * *

It was amazing how strangely quiet everything was while Conall was away, or had been the first three days. Then Julius had decided he was bored and pulled a prank all by himself instead of with Conall like he normally did. Things livened up again after that, if only for Julia's scolding and Julius's laughter. Of course, both were laughing now. After all, Arvis and I had taken the day off to spend it with them.

"Goodness, where do they get that energy?" I wondered with a smile, watching Arvis play tag with Julius and Julia. I worried a bit over Julius's health, but he was doing fine for now, so I didn't say anything. I simply sat in the gardens and watched them run about the yard. "Or athleticism."

"Children are truly wondrous, yes?" Aida laughed when I squeaked, resting a hand on my shoulder. She'd appeared out of nowhere! "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," she said, still laughing. She might not have meant to, but it was certainly a bonus. "Just thought I'd swing by."

"Well, heart attack aside, it's nice to see you, Aida." I scooted over on the bench to give her room to sit down. She took the invitation easily, still giggling. "Do you want to join in?"

"Nah, let the children monopolize their father. Ruling an empire doesn't give them a lot of time to do things like this."

"True." Though we made it a rule to always have dinner together, and often, Julia would burst into my office to babble about her morning. Julius would do the same with Arvis. Or they'd switch to keep things interesting. "We do our best to make sure they know we love them."

"Of course. That can sometimes be the hardest part, especially when you've a job that takes up so much time. I learned that with Cyas. I think he was about five before he learned that, yes, I love him very much." She grimaced and I smiled sympathetically. I often worried about the same. "Still, that's part of the learning curve with new parents. Learning what works for you and your children."

"Yes, I think so too." I looked back just in time to see Julius jump on Arvis's back, laughing all the while, and Julia complain that she wanted Arvis to give _her_ a piggyback. "Oh dear."

"Don't fret. They're still having fun." That was true. Even Aida and I had to laugh when Julius twisted off just as Julia tackled Arvis's legs to knock him down. Easier to hug if he was sitting and they took full advantage of that. "Ah, it's so nice to see him running about and having fun. He never had time for it when we were younger." Aida smiled warmly at the sight. "Ruling a dukedom, raising Azel…"

"You know; I never did ask how you two met."

"Hmm? Oh, I was annoyed about him being all doom and gloomy and broke into his office to steal something. Can't remember what I wanted to steal." She laughed, amused by the memory. "Thing is, I hadn't realized back then that Arvis doesn't take breaks unless you hit him over the head with one. So, I broke in while he was working."

"Something tells me he didn't notice."

"He didn't and I was appalled at the mess his office was. I shrieked something, he yelped something back and fell out of his chair, and that's when I realized he wasn't being doom and gloom. He was just someone my age being really stressed." She grinned. "I organized things for him, he asked my name, and it just went from there, really."

"And now you're his most trusted person."

"Well, we've been through a lot together." She linked her hands and stretched them out in front of her. "Oh, goodness. I almost forgot the whole reason I came out here."

"It wasn't to enjoy the sun?"

"Nope. If it was, I'd be dragging Father and Cyas out as well. Workaholics are in the infirmary again." She settled her hands in her lap. "It's an update on those assassins."

"The… ah!" That was right. Aida had spent the last two years investigating them. They proved to be particularly hard to track, leading some to wonder if there was a guild or something of them. "Anything?"

"Well, sadly, it does seem like that Verdanite who had glared at you two had been a dead end." She sighed, fiddling with her earring. I winced at that. When the initial set of leads dried up, I had suggested the person as a possibility, as well as the possibility that it might've been Sigurd's living allies. But it seems that wasn't the case. "That said, I might've picked up a lead on something different."

"Really?"

"Yep." She smiled secretively. "I won't tell you just what, yet, but if I'm right, it'll hopefully bring some closure to a few things. And might give me some leads to couple of missing people."

"Really?" I frowned, trying to think of what she was talking about. But I came up blank. "Aw, Aida, give me more of a hint!"

"Nope!" She giggled and giggled more when I sulked. "But I am also hoping that by following it, I will learn who hired those assassins, or at least who helped them in."

"And all of this still in Verdane?"

"Yep. There's a plethora of hidden information there, things that we've let sit for a while because things were just far too chaotic for so long. And Verdane just plain hating us."

"Because they loved Sigurd?"

"That, and we're the reason why their king, Jamke, went missing. And they had _loved_ him. Easily as popular with his people as you and Arvis are with yours."

"Ah…" That definitely explained why that Verdanite had glared so hatefully. Though, I still was certain there was something more to it. "Say, Aida, while you're looking there, do you mind…?"

"Mother!" Julia called then. I looked up and saw her waving her arms vigorously, while Arvis and Julius sat in a flower patch nearby. "Mother, we're teaching Father how to make flower crowns! Come help!"

"You should go have fun," Aida insisted, nudging me. After a moment, I nodded and stood up. "When I find a bit more information in Verdane, let's talk again about what you want me to find."

"Thank you, Aida," I whispered. I was actually rather glad of the interruption. The thought and question made me nervous, jittery, and nauseous. I wasn't ready for the answer to that question. I was sure of it. "I'll talk to you later."

"Have fun!" Aida waved as I joined my family and left, likely to return to work. Meanwhile, I helped Julius and Julia teach Arvis how to make flower crowns and, amusingly, he was atrocious at it.

This was complete bliss. I hoped days like this lasted forever.

* * *

About four months after Tailtiu's funeral, Conall returned to Belhalla with smiles and laughter. He adored his time in Alster it seemed, and I had to admit, no small part of me wondered if it was the relief of being away from the place where his parents died. If that was the case, though, he didn't say. Instead, he greeted us all and sat down to listen to Julius babble about everything that had happened. Arvis and I used the distraction to sneak off to the market, partially for an inspection and partially to buy gifts.

"So, Bloom and Ishtar are going to stay the night before returning to Alster," I murmured, humming a bit in thought. Ishtar normally stayed with us during this part of the year, but it was decided she'd stay home to mourn. We'd probably go back to normal next year. "Seems Conall enjoyed the trip."

"It looks like he did," Arvis agreed. He caught my hand as we walked through the crowd, to make sure we didn't get separated. I giggled and leaned into him. "Julia was jealous that he got to go. She wants to travel."

"When she's older." Eight was still too young. I didn't care that Ishtar had traveled at a far younger age. "Maybe."

"You know; we could've made the whole 'return the lion cub to her pride in Agustria' a family trip. Instead of doing what we normally do." Sending from people who knew lions and giving them an escort of knights to make sure everyone returned safely. "So much poaching. The more we do, the more I become aware of the fractures and the things that slip through the cracks."

"We do govern a lot of people." That meant, sadly, there were many good and bad people. "But that just means we have to work harder and making things better!" And when something happened, we needed to take responsibility and try to fix things.

"That's true." He smiled warmly in return. "I have to try to rule well, at least." He looked about the stalls and pointed to one. "There's the incense one I wanted to go to. I'd like to send some to Friege for Tailtiu."

"Do you want to buy some for Lex as well?" No one was sure where Lex was buried, mind. After they'd fallen to bandits, someone had taken their bodies away. I could only hope whoever took them had buried him and his wife with some sort of care.

"That sounds good. Some new ones for Alicia and Azel and Chulainn and…" Arvis trailed off and looked sadly at the ground. I wondered who else he wanted to buy incense for. He'd lost a lot of people, over the years. "What should we buy afterwards?"

"How about some toys? One for Ishtar, another for Ishtore, and one for Tine…" I giggled, already thinking of ideas. "Julius and Julia, of course." None for Conall, because he refused any new toys. His stuffed dog was the only one he wanted. "Ah, this will be fun! Let's go!"

We dove into shopping, buying quite a few things while making sure that prices were not ridiculous, no one was trying to sell rotted food, etc, etc. We bought the incense, and the toys, but then ended up buying some extra things. Books, for instance. Trinkets. Little things we thought people might like. All in good fun, really.

However, as we were discussing heading back, we noticed there was a growing air of panic in the crowd, and there was a commotion at some point in the market. Just as Arvis and I were wondering what was going on, we heard the terrifying and horrifying words. "The castle is under attack!"

Arvis and I immediately tried to rush back, fighting our way through the crowd. It was difficult. Everyone was pressed together, becoming a multi-headed creature of a mob in their panic. The few who did notice who we were did their best to give us room to push through, but there just wasn't enough space. The crush was enough that I swore I was suffocating and I honestly worried that someone was going to die from the mob. Arvis managed to find a way to a side alley, though, and we used that to skirt around the worst of the crowd. However, it did mean taking a very winding way back to the castle and, even then, Arvis had to climb up the castle walls and loop around to help me get inside.

Once there, it was pandemonium. A passing guard expressed relief and took the purchases, which we held onto by some miracle, from us as we ran into the castle proper, trying to figure out what was going on and where the children were. All around us, all we could see was fighting and blood. The guards seemed to have most of it under control, but it was still terrifying. We'd gone out for a simple market trip. A simple market trip. And someone had attacked while we were away. We had no idea who was dead, who was alive, who was safe, who was still in danger… And gods above, _where were my children_?

"Mother!" Julius shouted for me as soon as I swung into one of the ballrooms. Based on the number of people, it looked like it had been turned into a place of sanctuary. "Mother!" Julius shouted again, careful not to let go of Ishtar. It seemed like the two had been clinging to each other in fear. "Over here!"

"Oh, thank goodness…" I breathed, crashing down next him. I kissed his cheek and his head, cradling him close. "Arvis! Julius and Ishtar are over here!" But where was…?

"I-I don't know where Julia is!" Julius began crying, clinging to me tightly. I stroked his hair and tried to not let my fear show. "Bloom says she's fine, but…!"

"If Father says she's fine, then I _know_ she is," Ishtar reassured. Tried to, at least. Her voice shook and she was trembling like a leaf in the wind. I pulled her into the hug too and she burrowed into my side. "B-besides, he said Aida had her."

"Julius!" Arvis finally made it over, and he took Julius from me to hug him tightly. "You're safe…" he whispered, stroking his hair. Julius continued crying, clinging to him. "Where is…?"

"Aida has Julia, Conall, and Cyas," Bloom explained, walking up. He clenched and unclenched his fist, like he was trying to relieve some strain. Noticing my worried look, he smiled slightly. "Multiple castings of Mjolnir in a short amount of time can cause muscle spasms. Normally the most you can safely do is two in a row, but I think I did three or four. Nothing to fret about, though."

"I see." Arvis continued trying to comfort Julius. Ishtar moved to cling to Bloom. "Where is Aida?"

"I don't know." Bloom looked around the room, and I saw so many people, servants and visiting nobles, sobbing from fear. "The assassins came from everywhere. Including the damn ceiling. Whoever they are, they had plenty of time to set up. They also managed explosives and caused some structural damage."

" _Explosives_?"

"Very powerful magical attack, meaning they had time to charge." That… that would mean they had been here for a while, probably before Arvis and I even left. "Aida had the three when I last saw her, but the damage separated us. She said she was getting them to a more defensible area, instead of trying to make her way here."

"I see." Arvis looked down at Julius and then back at me, conflicted. I felt the same. I didn't want to leave Julius, but at the same time, I wanted to get Julia. We could split, but going alone when such clever assassins about seemed dangerous. And it looked like they had _just_ enough guards to keep everything safe here. "What do you think-?"

"Father, can you get Julia?" Julius begged, sniffling. He pulled away and rubbed at his eyes. "I want Julia. I'm scared. Please? Can you and Mother get Julia?" Well, that… uh…

"Will you be okay until we get back?" Arvis asked gently. He brushed Julius's hair behind his ear, and wiped away the lingering tears with his thumb. "We don't want you to think we picked her over you."

"I know you didn't. I'm asking. I'm scared, and I want to see Julia." He tugged at Arvis's shirt, and I thought briefly of what I'd overheard Conall say about how being separated from _his_ twin made him feel like his heart had been ripped in half. I wondered if Julius thought the same. "Please?"

"...Okay." He kissed Julius's forehead, and looked at me. After a moment, I nodded. The best thing might be to just get Julia here as soon as possible. "Then we'll be back soon. We love you."

"Love you too."

Slowly, Arvis and I made our way out of the room, mostly so that Julius had time to change his mind. Hearing nothing, I glanced back worriedly and saw he and Ishtar had curled up together for comfort, with Bloom standing protectively over them both. They would be safe. They would be fine. Julius just _needed_ to make sure Julia was fine, because he was rarely away from her for long. So, Arvis and I left, and as soon as we were out of sight, we ran as fast as we could.

Around and around we ran, sometimes to go around fallen beams and broken walls and sometimes to ask guards where Aida might be. Eventually, we found ourselves in one of the side wings of the castle, the rarely used guestrooms and the like. There, we slowed down as we came upon a gruesome sight. Bodies upon bodies, with their blood spilling everywhere. Some were slashed open. Others had been burnt into a crisp. And in the center of the pile, leaning against the door, was a heavily wounded Aida who was resting with her eyes closed.

"Aida?" Arvis called. Carefully, he picked his way through the bodies, and I followed as best as I could. "Aida!" He crouched by her and rested his hand on her shoulder. And then he froze. "N… No…" His face blanched, and he felt at her neck. I wondered why before I noticed… I noticed her wounds weren't bleeding anymore. They weren't… "Come on, Aida. You're just asleep, right?" Her chest didn't move with breath. Her head lolled on her neck when Arvis shook her. "Aida… Aida, please…"

"Arvis?" I whispered. He didn't react, just stared at the dead body of his best friend. "Arvis, can I get to the door? The children..."

"R-right…" Arvis picked Aida up and moved her out of the way. Her limps dangled awkwardly, with a slight bit of stiffness. "Ah…"

"Cyas?" I knocked on the door and tried to open it. It didn't move. "Cyas? Conall? Julia?" Still nothing. "Are you three-?"

"We're fine, but Cyas is in shock," Conall calmly answered through the door. It honestly seemed too calm. "Aida had been talking and reassuring us when she shrieked in pain and thudded against the door." I really looked at the door then and noticed all the blood splatter. My hand was bloody just from knocking. "Cyas, can you move so that we can stop sitting in blood? It's cold and it's getting awkward keeping Julia out of it."

There was a quiet gasp, and some scrambling and splashing. I then tried the door again and it opened right away. Inside, I could see the sizable bloody puddle that must've seeped through, and I tried to not think of how much blood there actually was. Conall had a shivering Julia in his arms, keeping her as much out of the blood as he could. Cyas was swaying where he stood, expression blank with shock, his entire lower half bloody. While I panicked at first, I realized that the blood was just because he'd been sitting against the door to brace it, and thus, sitting right in the bloody puddle.

"Is she dead?" Conall asked, still oddly calm, given everything. He shifted Julia in his arms, still keeping her safe. "Aida. Is she dead?"

"I…" I began. I hesitated and looked to the body and Arvis's continued staring at it. It was so hard to admit, but… "Yes. Yes, she is."

That sparked some sort of reaction out of Cyas, and his expression crumpled into tears as he stumbled out and fell next to his mother's body. He was perfectly silent, but he did try to shake her awake. Aida's head continue to loll and Arvis broke down sobbing, covering his mouth to try and muffle it. Cyas curled into Aida's chest, trying to find a heartbeat, and finally wailing when he found nothing. I had to fight back my own tears. This wasn't… why did this…?

"I wonder what killed her," Conall murmured. He was still just so calm. Julia was sobbing, realizing what all just happened finally. "She'd been doing fine. Then she gasped, shrieked, and there was the sound of someone coming close and then walking away."

"Well, hopefully, we'll find whoever did it," I replied quietly. I finally stepped inside and picked up Julia, grunting a bit at her weight. Conall stood up, grimacing at the blood on his clothes, and reached up to pat Julia's back. "Conall, why aren't you…?"

"Hmm?" He looked confusedly at me. "Why aren't I what?"

"More upset, I suppose?" Of course, as soon as I said that, the obvious answer occured to me. "Right, you didn't like her."

"Nope." At least he was honest. "She tricked my parents and their friends, and she kidnapped me. I'll never forgive her for that." He smiled bitterly. "But that doesn't mean I wanted her to die or anything. That would hurt Cyas. Is hurting Cyas."

"Right." Then why…?

"This isn't the first time someone's died protecting me, Diadora. Until I came here, I thought it was normal. So..." He tried to think of something else to say, but soon gave up. "That's all. I guess I'm still used to it."

"P-pardon?" That shook me. He'd been six years old when he came here. How could a child think that normal? "Who?"

"Mmm, don't know." He shrugged, unbothered. "I always thought soldiers, but you and Arvis seem certain that your people wouldn't do raids like that, so I don't know." With that, Conall walked out of the room and rubbed Cyas's back, giving what comfort he could. Meanwhile, I hugged Julia tightly, kissing her head as she continued sobbing, and trying to figure out just what was going on.

I… I needed to have a talk with Danann. I needed to make sure… Arvis had made a promise. Arvis and I had given very strict orders. We trusted Danann to follow those orders. But maybe that was wrong. Maybe… oh, but maybe that was just my mind desperately latching onto _something_ I could do. Because Aida was dead and there was nothing I could do but hold the crying and try not to break down myself.

What had happened? Who had killed her? If only it was as easy to get answers as it was to ask questions. Then we wouldn't have problems at all.

* * *

It rained during Aida's funeral. She was buried in Velthomer, among the graves of Velthomer's finest, including Arvis's family. Arvis had asked if Cowen would mind, since Aida had been his best friend. It would be odd to say Aida had been 'like a sister' since, you know, they had a kid, but they had been close. They had been like a family, ultimately. So, Arvis had wanted her to be buried among family, to be honored as such. Cowen had agreed with a tired, but somehow still warm, smile. And so, Aida was buried with full honors, with so many questions surrounding her death that no one quite knew where to begin.

"So, Cyas will stay here in Velthomer to continue his studies?" Arvis asked Cowen, some time after the funeral and the reception. Just outside, in the gardens, I could see Julius, Julia, and Conall all doing their best to cheer up Cyas. Ishtar had wanted to stay the night to do the same, but Bloom reluctantly insisted they get home to check on their own family. "You're certain?"

"Yes, for now, at least," Cowen answered. He looked like he'd aged ten years in as many days, but still, his smile was comforting. I wondered if it was the healer's training to help him keep up the smile, even when he wanted to break down sobbing. "I think it would be better for him, since he has less memories of his mother associated with here." After Arvis became Emperor, Aida had lived in Belhalla with us and, of course, Cyas had lived with us. "When he's older, and has healed more, I'm sure he'll quickly return."

"I suppose the children will simply make more trips to Velthomer." Arvis smiled slightly. It looked wan, much like the rest of him. The mourning black we all wore didn't really help any of us look well, though. "If that's all right."

"I doubt we'd be able to stop them." Cowen actually chuckled. "I've heard Julia pester you two about traveling, prior to this."

"True." Arvis's smile faltered. I reached over to take his hand reassuringly. "Cowen, I'm so-"

"Ah." Cowen brought up his hand to stop him. "Arvis, I've known this would be a possibility. When she joined the army, I knew there might come a day when she would be too wounded for me to heal. I knew there might come a day where she died in battle. I wouldn't say I've prepared myself for it, since you can never prepare for your own child's death. But I knew." He smiled so kindly that I actually began crying. I couldn't help it. "She died protecting the children. She died protecting her son. As a soldier, that's a good death. As a mother, that is a good death. If she couldn't have died in a bed of old age, then this is the death she would've chosen."

"I… of course." Arvis bowed his head briefly before reaching over to help me wipe away my tears. "I miss her."

"I do too. Likely, we'll always miss her. But the living must keep moving forward. That is our charge, as survivors. To heal and learn."

"Basically, don't mope and overwork just to escape how much I hurt." Arvis made a face. "Duly noted."

"Consider it healer's orders, even. You might actually listen." Cowen chuckled again, but then his expression became very grim. "There is one thing that concerns me, though."

"Oh?" Arvis immediately stiffened, and my mind whirled, trying to figure out what it could be. "What is it?"

"While I was going through her things, I noticed her things had been rifled through. Whoever it was had been careful, but there was just enough amiss that I noticed. She always had a particular way she arranged her perfumes, for instance, and it wasn't correct."

"That's… odd." Arvis and I shared a concerned look. That was suspicious. That was beyond suspicious, actually. "Was anything missing?"

"Yes. The notebook with all the information on the investigation she was doing into those assassins two years ago." Those words hit like ice water. "There were also far more assassins near her than, say, near where Bloom had been. Than near the ballroom with the most number of possible targets."

"...You think that these assassins were related to the ones two years ago." Arvis's eyes widened. "And that…"

"That she was silenced. Yes, I suspect it. I have no proof, but I do suspect. And I wanted to make sure you knew." Cowen rested his hands on our shoulders. "Be _very_ careful. Be suspicious. If I am right, then whoever is behind them is quite clever. And they waited two years to strike. Who knows when they'll strike again?"

Cowen left us then, so that he could return to his grieving and to let us process what we just learned. Aida had been silenced? The same people had struck twice? Who were they? What did they want? Why come after us? There were so many questions and, with Aida's death and her notes stolen, we were back where we started on even trying to figure it out.

Still reeling, I stayed where I was as Arvis stumbled out into the nearby courtyard to say hello to the children, unable to really comprehend what was going on. A slight noise made me whirl, startled, and I thought I caught sight of Manfroy's robe turning around the corner. But when I looked, there was no sign of anything. I must've just been seeing things, brought on by my distrust of him.

What in Jugdral was going on? I had a horrible feeling I wouldn't learn until it was far too late. And I didn't like that. I didn't like that at all.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: So, yeah, Tailtiu's dead. Gen2 of FE4 confirms she died during the timeskip. Her actual death is a bit… different than what Bloom says. But that's for _Memoirs of the Holy War_ to bring up. (The same story notes in the intermission that the children are rather used to people dying to protect them, hence Conall's rather nonchalant reaction. Though his dislike of Aida isn't helping matters.) Bloom throwing Tailtiu a lavish funeral takes nods from Kaga's Scenario, probably the only one I'll have. FE5 reveals that Aida was killed protecting Cyas, and I added Julia and Conall into the mix. Also, have a Tine finally. (Why was there a lion cub? It was a mental image that wouldn't leave me alone and, you know, poaching isn't something that comes up a lot in Fire Emblem games. Or at all? Not sure.) The mention of using Mjolnir twice in successions safely refers to how Ishtar has the Adept skill (and can, indeed, drop Mjolnir twice in a row, more or less killing her target immediately).
> 
> Next Chapter - Questions


	4. Chapter 4) Questions

Chapter 4) Questions

* * *

"Diadora, do you all still have Mom's things?" It was surprising how much of a surprise the question was. It made sense that Conall would wonder about his mother and her possessions. But he hadn't asked once since arriving, so it startled me when he asked. "Diadora?"

"Ah, yes, we do," I answered after a moment. He and I were walking down the path from the new university and the castle. Conall took classes in the morning there, and had magic lessons in the afternoon. "I'll… have to remember where the key is, if you want to see them."

"Please?" he asked, looking up at me stoically. At twelve, he was beginning another growth spurt. In a couple of years, his voice would start cracking. "I'd really like to."

"Let's see where the key is then."

It took a bit of asking around, once we returned, but eventually, I found a copy and walked Conall to his mother's old room. It had remained locked ever since her death, opened only to dust and clean before being locked up again. There had been talk of looking through her things, but it had been too painful. The only thing taken out of it was the blankets and sheets, and that had been to 'wash the death' away. In Grannvale, you always made sure to wash the sheets from someone's deathbed as soon as possible after the death, so that death didn't linger and decide to take more.

As soon as I opened the door, Conall went straight to the portrait framed and set up by the nightstand, and it was hard to blame him. It was, after all, a portrait of Alicia's family. Her and Chulainn, laughing at something, while holding their one-year-old children. Chulainn held Caitriona. Alicia had Conall. So, it didn't surprise me at all that he went straight to it. It was a bit of proof that, once, he had a happy, unbroken family. He stared at it with an unreadable expression, not saying a word. Not quite sure what to do, I lingered and looked around the room I hadn't seen in six years.

It was… it was so easy to remember her here. I could remember her sitting quietly in her bed, smiling kindly, too weak to even sit up without help. I remembered that last day clearly. She had been almost translucently pale, her hair looking almost blood red against her skin. Julius and Julia had been so confused by everything, but they'd known something was wrong when we brought them in to say goodbye. Julius hadn't wanted to leave. Instinctually, he'd known that when he left, he'd never see Alicia again. He'd clung and clung, and Alicia had indulged him, not letting anyone force him away too soon. She had softly reassured him that things would be fine, that he didn't have to follow anyone's path but his own. Julia had lingered as well, and Alicia had told her to never forget her kindness, because kindness was not a weakness, though it could lead to terrible pain. 'The kindest person I ever knew did not have a happy death, but I know he had little regrets as well,' she had said. I didn't know what her last words to Arvis had been. Arvis had been the last to leave, and Arvis had been sitting with her when she passed. I did know she had died with a soft, warm smile on her face. I always wondered if it was because she finally got to see her husband again, her friends who had died. I wondered if it was simply another way she faced death with envious poise and dignity.

"So, Dad really did have blonde hair," Conall whispered eventually. He shakily rested his fingers on Chulainn in the portrait. "Aideen said so, and Riona has blonde hair. But it's nice to see that it's the case." He smiled sadly, tearfully. "And look. Blue eyes. So that's where my one came from. And Mom had green. I didn't know she had green eyes." He laughed a bit, and it sounded watery, wobbling even. "Her hair is really long. I never knew it was that long. It falls all the way down her back, like mine..."

"She wore it in a braid when she worked," I explained. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but… "She'd always complain about how it got in the way of things."

"So, like Ishtar?"

"A bit." Though, Ishtar was always certain to wear her hair in a ponytail nowadays, to honor her Aunt Tailtiu. Conall tied his back in a ponytail as well, but that was more for convenience than anything. "She wore it down, just like in the portrait, when she wasn't working."

"I see…" He slowly turned away from the portrait and went to the desk not far away. It had more portraits on it, more pictures of her friends, as well as some books she had read. But he didn't look at any of them. Instead, he focused on the bracelet and ring carefully set on it. "What are these?"

"Some jewelry that Alicia always wore, when she was alive." She'd been too weak to even take them off, at the end. I had to help her.

"Why weren't they buried with her?"

"She asked that they not be. She said the bracelet was a 'protective charm', so it should stay with the living. And that the ring hadn't been for her or Chulainn, but rather to keep people from bothering them about rings." So, she said she hadn't needed them in the afterlife.

"Aideen did say that Mom and Dad never thought much about weddings and marriage. Apparently, the ring matches the one Lex bought for Ayra, and matches the earrings." He reached up to touch the one he always wore in his right ear. "Can I…?"

"Everything in the room is yours, legally. Well, yours and Caitriona's."

"I see." He picked up the bracelet and slipped it on his wrist. Then he picked up the ring and studied it. "Maybe I should give this to Ishtar."

"Ishtar?"

"Yeah, I mean. She was close to Mom. Kind of makes sense to give her something. And rings bug me." He shrugged, and I really had to fight the urge to laugh. "Riona didn't like jewelry when we were little. Just the earrings."

"I see…" I really had to bite back my laughter. It wasn't suited for the room, but… "Conall, do you know what it means, typically, when giving someone such a fancy ring?"

"Uh… that you gave them a nice ring?" He glanced at me, all confused, and I really couldn't help my giggling. "I'm missing something. What am I missing?"

"Nothing, nothing." I really was amused. But it did seem like this would simply be something they teased each other about, much later. Though I did half-hope Ishtar raised a fuss about it, just because it would be funny. "I think it's nice for you to consider she'd want something."

"You're weird." He shrugged and tucked the ring into his pocket. Then his eyes fell to the back corner, where Alicia's only means of 'fighting' rested. "What are those staves in the corner?"

"Ah, Silence and Sleep. They're two offensive staves, instead of the standard healing ones that you're learning from Cyas." I smiled warmly at him. "If you continue with your studies, I'm sure you'll be able to use them too, if you'd like."

"That… sounds cool." Conall smiled at the thought. But then it faded and he looked back to the portrait on the nightstand. "Sounds… really nice."

"Do you want to stay here alone for a while?"

"...Yeah." He turned slowly to look around at everything. Everything that his mother had owned. Things that she'd collected over the years. Items she had held. "I'll be there for light magic lessons. I don't want to spend the whole day here. Just…"

"Okay." I smiled softly. Arvis and I personally taught Conall magic, though we had originally planned for Arvis being the only one, since we had assumed Conall would want to learn only fire magic, because of his Fjalar bood, but Conall had insisted on learning light magic as well. 'Because it exists outside of the triangle,' he had said. "I'll see you then." I shut the door behind me and rested my forehead against it briefly. Then I took a deep breath to calm myself and turned to walk down the hall, to head to my next meeting.

"Mother!" However, Julia ran up and tugged on my sleeve. "Hey, Mother, where do babies come from?" she asked me, eyes sparkling with curiosity. I felt my brain clunk to a stop. That… that wasn't expected. "Father said to ask you when I asked him."

"He would push it on me, the cad," I grumbled. I would get him back for this. I would. "There's… parts of it that you need to be older to know about, but…" Not even really 'parts' of it. What did other parents say when people asked? _Conall_ had never asked! "Why do you even want to know?"

"I heard some servants saying that Ishtar has a 'become a woman' and can have children now that she's had her period?" She frowned. "What's a period? Is it different than the punctuation?"

"One, I need to have a stern talk with the servants." Ishtar was twelve. _Twelve_. She wasn't an adult in the slightest! What a disgusting mentality. "Two… well, that second question is actually something we should talk about. It's a natural thing, but it can be unnerving." Poor Ishtar had never gotten that talk and had thought she was dying or something when she'd gotten her first period. Especially since she had the _worst_ cramps. "So, let's get some lunch and we'll talk about it." Julia was ten years old, after all. Much as I'd love for her to be a little girl forever, children did grow.

Still, I had a feeling awkward questions were going to be the norm for a while. Oh dear.

* * *

"Ugh… why don't boys have to go through this?" Ishtar groaned, whimpering as she curled up with a hot water bottle. Cramps had struck again, making her miserable. "Seriously? Why?"

"Because you have to have some sort of check as otherwise, girls would rule everything with their amazingness," Conall instantly deadpanned, reading his book. The two had planned on a market trip, but with Ishtar in pain, they had opted instead to rest in Ishtar's room. Ishtar was on her bed, and Conall sat on the floor next to it, resting his back against the frame. "Do I need to warm the water up again for you?"

"Please?" She held it in front of his face, and Conall used his magic to do just that. "What's wrong with girls ruling everything?"

"Nothing, but it's nice to at least have some fighting chance." He looked up at her and smiled. "The cramps should hopefully dull within a few years, or so I've read, and then you can laugh at my voice cracking all the time. Not quite the same, but it should at least be amusing."

"Hopefully." She sighed and reached down to play with Conall's hair. Alicia's ring caught the light, with thread tied around the bottom to help it stay on. Sadly, at least in terms of my amusement, she hadn't thought anything about the ring either. She'd just been grateful to have one of Alicia's things. "Hey, what are you reading?"

"Want me to read it aloud?"

"Please."

"From the beginning?"

"You mind?"

"Nope." He flipped back to the beginning without a single bit of hesitation. "Now then…"

I lingered a bit more by the doorway, making sure they were fine, and then left before either really noticed me. I had been a little worried they'd be complaining more, or that Ishtar would want to whine to an adult. But that clearly wasn't the case, and I knew that as soon as Julius and Julia were out of their lessons, they'd be by to happily distract Ishtar further. So, I could check on her later, probably during dinner when I made sure she had some raspberry leaf tea.

I might've continued in that vein for a while, but loud, terrifying screeching made me jump and I jerked my head up, wondering just what the sound was. It took a few blinks to recognize the dark, winged shapes in the sky. Thracia's dragons. That was right. Arvis and Travant were meeting to renegotiate the tariffs on goods. So, instead, I quickly made my way to the receiving room, and had just found Arvis and made my way towards him when Travant walked in with a small escort. As always, I was mildly intimidated by the focused look Travant had about him, a quiet but fierce passion that would break through anything in his path. I'd heard Thracia had been on the verge of total collapse and starvation until he took the throne. Many called him a 'villain', and his part in the Yield Massacre didn't exactly deter the reputation, but he never seemed to care. So long as it helped his country and people, he honestly couldn't care less.

"Sorry that we had to delay this so much, Arvis," Travant greeted, more casually than most would greet Arvis. Thracia was the one nation in Jugdral not part of the empire, though, and the empire did depend on the Thracian Dragon Knights to help secure some of the harder to control areas, such as Agustria, which was constantly suffering in-fighting nowadays. There had been talk of sending them to Isaach, as a deterrent give how much they disliked us, but given the suspicion that Danann was stupid enough to break direct orders, it was assumed Danann was also stupid enough to attack the Thracians and start a war no one wanted. "The year has been unexpectedly well for Thracia weather wise, so we wanted to get all the planting done early in the hopes it'll continue."

"It's fine, Travant," Arvis replied, polite with a trace of warmth to it. Arvis had told me that the one thing you could trust about Travant was that he'd do what he thought best for his people, and it was in _our_ best interests, for now, to make sure Travant thought cooperating was best. The Empire would win a war with Thracia, but they would tear out large chunks of us in the process through their clever and pragmatic tactics. As a result, we did our best to be friendly, but equal. "Are the stables large enough for your dragons?"

"Bit on the small side, but should be fine. I apologize in advance for any heart attacks they give your stablehands and servants, though. They're tricksters, all of them, and they _always_ like giving newbies a rough time." It was hard to tell if Travant's smile was genuine or mocking. "Do you mind if we jump straight into negotiations? I know we're a bit behind your schedule."

"Of course not." Arvis did, however, glance at me. I smiled, already knowing what he needed. He still had some meetings left today, so I'd take them over. "This way, please."

"Thank you." Travant caught my eye and gave me a rather respectful bow before following Arvis out of the room. His escort followed carefully, eyes suspicious as they darted everywhere, including the ceiling. Part of me wondered why they were so wary, but then decided it was just how Thracians are, so used to battle as they were. So, I paid it no mind and, instead, left to handle those meetings. Even after two years, I had to check the urge to try and find Aida to ask for her insight. It was still hard to believe she was dead, though thankfully, Cyas was finally able to heal enough to visit Belhalla. He still spent most of his time in Velthomer, though. He wasn't healed enough yet to live here again. He might never.

I spent the rest of the morning, and a large chunk of the afternoon in meetings, because Arvis always scheduled far too many during his day. I actually rescheduled a few, simply too drained to even try and fit them all into the day. Thankfully, most had understood, though I did have to deal with one irate noble who was very, _very_ convinced their request or whatever had priority. I pretended to pay attention, and then escaped to the gardens as soon as I could for some fresh air. I noticed Conall there, reading a different book than earlier, or he would've been if he wasn't talking to Travant.

"Arvis and Diadora let me pick my own studies," Conall was saying, apparently in answer to some question Travant had asked. I wondered how long they'd been talking. "I'm thinking about being a healer, though, like Mom."

"Are you now?" Travant asked, looking genuinely curious. But there was a slight edge to in, and what I thought might be concern as well. "You know who I am, yes?"

"Travant, king of Thracia, Dain Major, instigator of the Yied Massacre, one of the many Thracian Dragon Knights who sells their blood for coin to save their people from starvation." Conall tilted his head curiously. "You killed Ethlyn and Quan. I didn't know them, but I know they were friends of my parents. Aideen broke down sobbing when she learned. It's one of my first memories."

"You're a blunt one, aren't you?"

"Diadora tried to teach me how to be more tactful. It failed. Very sad." Conall's voice was very, very dry. I could only sigh as I eavesdropped, because I had tried to curb it and Conall had ignored each attempt. "Besides, was any of it wrong? I'm sorry if it was."

"No, no, you're correct." Travant now looked almost amused. "Now, with that established, do you know the bracelet you wear?"

"It's… my mom's?" He held up his hand for emphasis, the gem catching the light. "If you mean the gem, I don't know it. I've been trying to look it up, but haven't found anything."

"It's a dragon's eye, that gem. It's only found in Thracia, and we believe that those who wear on are protected by dragons. Killing them is bad luck."

"Sounds problematic for a mercenary."

"It is, which is why we keep them close."

"Make sense." Conall suddenly frowned. "Wait, but then why does Mom have one?"

"Why, indeed?" Travant lifted his shirt up slightly, showing a rather nasty, spiralling scar. The sort of scar resulting from a wound that brought one to the edge of death. "I got this from Prince, now King, Lewyn of Silesse when he was protecting his army. Your mother is the one who healed it."

"Mom healed you?"

"Your mother saved my life." He dropped his shirt and crossed his arms. "I was hired by Chagall. He was an idiot, playing at war, but the money was enough to help Thracia through the rest of the year, easily, so I took the job. And we went with the normal ambush tactics. Spears from above. Always rattles the knightly types."

"Because the knightly code calls for one to face their enemies head on." Conall rattled that off automatically. He was a little stunned. "So, if you take advantage of that…"

"And we did. Killed quite a few of the army then. Nearly killed someone that she considered a little brother. Miracle we didn't, really. But she healed me anyway, because that's what healers did. I was her patient, and so, she healed me, knowing all of that, and knowing that I was fighting a war against Leonster and could very well kill two people she considered family. And I did, for Thracia's sake." He regarded Conall stoically. Conall was still stunned. "That's what it means to be a healer. Healing people like me, who could and would kill people you care about, because we are your patients. Healers are neutral. If you don't think you can keep to that particular bit of insanity, then you're better suited to walking a different path."

"I… thank you for your consideration." Conall looked down before looking back up at him. "Um… I did mention I needed to get back to Ishtar."

"Go on. It's been nice talking to you, Conall."

"The pleasure was mine, sir." And Conall darted off, almost leaving his book behind. He was definitely… definitely rattled.

"Hmm… might have been a bit too blunt there…" Travant looked right at me then, unsurprised to see me there. He must've noticed as soon as I arrived. "What do you think?"

"Well, that was a little blunt, I think," I replied, fighting back winces. There had to have been a better way to say that. "But I am guessing you said it out of concern?"

"I have little doubts holding to that oath caused Alicia pain," Travant answered, shrugging. I wondered what he had thought during the Yied Massacre, knowing he was murdering people loved by the person he owed his life to. Had he even cared? If it was for Thracia, had it mattered? "That's the sort of thing he needs to be aware of before actually finding himself in that dilemma. It's not like he can't still learn how to heal. But if he wants to walk the path of a healer, then he needs to be prepared."

"I don't suppose you thought it could be said differently?"

"As Hannibal always complains, tact is the one kingly skill I never bothered learning. Thracia doesn't allow the luxury of pretty and soft words. I try to balance it by always being as honest as I know." He smiled. "I'll try to make it up to him when he's not as rattled."

"Of course." I smiled back, because I did recognize he was just trying to help, even if he… might have done it poorly. And, besides, we truly did need to keep him friendly. "Thank you."

When I saw Conall later, helping Julius with his math just before dinner, he looked fine, so I decided to not ask him about it. I did warn Arvis, just in case, but otherwise, I'd left him to it. While Julius and Julia always needed reassurance and support when faced with difficult questions, Conall always wanted to be left alone and approach us himself if he needed help. Basically, exactly as they all were when it came to hugs. Different children needed different things. That was one of the difficulties, and joys, of parenting, really.

* * *

"Hey, Mother, what does 'crown prince' actually mean?" Julius asked as we walked through the market. Since Julia was visiting Velthomer to get staff lessons from Cyas, I decided to treat Julius with a market trip since Julius didn't study that. Like Arvis and me, but strangely unlike Julia, Julius had difficulties using healing staves. He could use other staves well enough, but healing eluded him. "People call me that all the time, but I don't know why it's different from people calling Conall 'prince' or calling Julia 'princess'. Well, except Julia's a girl and all."

"It means you're the heir to the throne," I explained, taking his hand to make sure we didn't lose each other in the crowd. It was quite crowded today. From what I saw, there were sales going on, celebrating how much we had. "When Arvis and I retire from ruling, you'll rule instead." Or when we died, but that wasn't something to try and explain right now. "That's all. You won't have to worry about that for a long, long while."

"But I don't want to rule." Julius frowned. "It looks hard. And a lot of work. And not a lot of fun. Father can have it forever. He's good at it."

"Julius!" I had to laugh, though. "I'm sure you'll feel different when you're a little older."

"Bleh." He made a face and stepped closer to me. "Also, um… Mother?"

"Yes?"

"Are you…?" Julius suddenly began tearing up. "Are you disappointed in how slowly my magic lessons are going?"

"Julius, I could _never_ be disappointed in you." I stopped him, though, and crouched a little to look him in the eye. "Why ask?"

"People are saying I'm not picking up fire magic as quickly as expected."

"That's…" Oh, if only I could have a stern talk with these 'people'. Or get Arvis to. Or both. Both sounded nice. "Julius, for one thing, you and Julia just started your lessons. You've always preferred a slower approach, to make sure you understand, and you know magic can be dangerous."

"Well… yes…" He sniffled, trying not to cry, but failing. "But…"

"And I bet most of those 'people' can't even read a tome, much less call fire from one." I poked his nose, and he smiled faintly. "So, you learn at your own pace. That's the best thing for you. You remember what Alicia told you, right?"

"Don't be afraid to walk my own path." He smiled a little more warmly, though still a bit tearfully. "Okay. I'll… I'll keep going."

"That's the best way." I kissed his forehead, above the circlet he always wore. "And next time you hear people say that, you tell me who they are. I'll correct their very wrong opinions. Or get Conall to pull the best of pranks on them."

"You hate when we pull pranks."

"Mean people like that deserve it." I gave him a warm hug and relaxed as he finally laughed. "I hope you haven't been sitting on this long, dear. You know you can _always_ come to Arvis and me."

"I know." He grinned up at me. "Because you two love me lots and lots!"

"That we do." And I'd be certain to bring this up to Arvis, so that he could reassure Julius too. I imagined that Julia taking well to _her_ lessons didn't help matters. "So, was it just overhearing people that made you feel so bad? Was it something else?"

"Mostly them." Julius became thoughtful. "Though, Archbishop Manfroy offered to teach me."

"Did he now?" I tried not to stiffen. I didn't like the thought at all. "Do you want to?"

"Not really, no." Julius winced. "I don't like how some of them stare at me. The Loptyr priests, I mean. The younger ones aren't bad, but the older people… they scare me." He leaned into me, like he was trying to hide. "I don't want to be near them."

"Then you don't have to." I pulled Julius a little closer to me, feeling uneasy suddenly. "And if you're worried about insulting him, don't. Alicia and I have both told him off over the years."

"Really?"

"Yes." Manfroy actually took to avoiding me after I snapped at him. I couldn't say I was displeased by that. "Don't force yourself to be uncomfortable just to be polite."

"So, can I wear my normal clothes instead of formal stuff for banquets?"

" _That's_ different." I laughed when he made a face. "That said, we can get you new, more comfortable, formal wear in a few days."

"Yay!" Julius bounced on his toes, finally fully back to his good cheer. "I love you, Mother."

"I love you too, sweetheart." I took his hand again and we began walking through the market crowd again. "Now then, anything you want to buy in particularly?"

"Umm…" Julius frowned deeply in thought for a moment before laughing. "Gifts for Ishtar and Julia!"

"None for Conall?"

"I _never_ know what to get Conall. He never wants anything!" Julius scowled. "It's so frustrating! I always ask and he's always like 'oh, I just want you to smile, Julius' or something."

"Aw, that's sweet." But I understood the frustration. Birthdays and holidays were the worst. Typically, Arvis and I just got him new clothes or books. He never complained about either. "But in that case, let's get something for you too. Then he can see your smile and get his 'gift' as well."

"Okay!"

So, we shopped for a few hours, buying trinkets for everyone, before heading back. As soon as we returned to the castle, Julius raced off to give them, though Julia's would have to wait until she came back home. I laughed as he left and decided to walk through the gardens to wind down a bit before my next few meetings. When I arrived, I noticed I wasn't the only one who decided a walk about the gardens would be relaxing. Then again, it wasn't uncommon to see Travant here when talks were done. Many of the Thracians expressed wonder at the flowers. Apparently, most couldn't grow in Thracia, so while they had their own flowers, they didn't have anything elaborate like this. I'd seen him pick and press a few as well, probably to bring a little color home.

"Travant." However, before I could call out to greet Travant, Conall strode into the gardens, looking almost defiant as he walked straight to him. It rather startled me, really. I hadn't seen that sort of look on his face in a long while. "Let me go to Thracia," he half-requested, half-demanded as soon as Travant glanced at him. Travant's expression immediately blanked and I didn't blame him in the slightest. "I'd like to visit Thracia. Let me."

"You… want to visit Thracia?" Travant repeated. Slowly, he managed to regain his stern and fierce stoicism. "You want to visit the home of the instigators of the Yied-"

"Oh, for crying out loud. It's not like you all tricked them or anything. You didn't entice them with sanctuary and then drop meteors on their heads like the people I'm growing up with." Conall's voice was almost snappy, and I couldn't help but wince. "You ambushed them in the desert that they were traveling in. You see that sort of tactic everywhere, luring enemies into unfavorable terrain to have that advantage. Hell, the Crusaders used tactics like that. The only reason it's considered a massacre and the attack here in Belhalla is just a battle is because you're not technically part of the Empire, so you didn't get to write the history book."

"Not quite sure I agree with that." Travant did look intrigued, though. "Also, not too many children have a grasp on complicated morality like that."

"Not too many children get raised by their parents' murderers, or the murderers of their friends' parents, but here I am." Conall crossed his arms, even more defiant, but I noticed the strange look that flicked across Travant's face at the words. "I want to visit. I want to learn. I want to see what you've done with the life Mom saved, _besides_ kill Quan and Ethlyn and… whatever their little girl's name was. I can't remember and no one around here bothers remembering her beyond 'sweet innocent girl tragically slain', like her parents didn't play a part by being stupid and taking her there in the first place."

"Quite harsh."

"I'm alive because my parents chose to do the opposite. They sent us away, along with my friends, and we survived. Just because you like someone doesn't mean they can't do stupid things. Just like how you can hate something, be hurt by something, and admit that it might not be _wrong_." He glowered now. "Regardless, I've seen what Arvis is doing for the dream he sacrificed Mom and her friends for. I want to see what you've done. I'll find my answer to your question that way. I'm sure of it."

"...Ha…" Travant began laughing, but it seemed genuinely fond. "Well, you're your mother's son. She had a similar look in her eyes when she told me to shut up and let her heal me, and when she leveraged her healing and a hair ornament to buy our neutrality." He continued laughing a little more, nodding. "Clear it with your uncle, and I'll let you visit Thracia. That sort of spirit should be encouraged, I think. But I hope you don't mind heights."

"I climb to the roof all the time." Still, Conall's expression softened to confusion. "Heights?"

"Well, we'd be flying there. There aren't a lot of horses in Thracia. Not enough greenery for them."

"...I get to fly?" Conall's eyes lit up, reminding me that despite how mature he could be, he still was a twelve year old boy. "That's so cool! Ishtar is going to be so jealous!"

"That's _if_ your uncle agrees, lad."

"He will. He tends to let me do what I want. Diadora's the one who scolds, but you didn't say _she_ had to agree." Conall grinned and I had to pinch my nose to ward off a headache. "Better get it now before she can talk to him!" And then he was off.

"Clever lad, tad manipulative, but he does need to be a little more aware of his surroundings." Travant looked right at me, laughing a little. He had noticed me immediately, again. "Still, I think he outplayed you on that one. I should've mentioned you. For some reason, it didn't occur to me that Arvis would be indulgent of his little sister's child."

"You don't know the half of it," I sighed, thinking of all the other things Conall got away with. Then again, most of the time, it was just the antics with the rescued animals, the climbing, and pranks. Conall was thankfully well behaved… most of the time. He didn't skip lessons now that he was at the university, at least. "If it's annoying, I swear I can stop it still."

"No, as I said, that spirit should be encouraged. I think there are trying times ahead still, and defiant spirit like that will be needed," Travant replied, shaking his head. He still did look amused. "Still, not what I expected."

"Trying times?"

"Just a feeling. I'm one of those few who can sense Holy Blood just by looking at a person, though not the kind that can tell just what type or even Major or Minor at a glance. I have to use visual cues to piece it together." He shrugged and looked up at the sky. "But it's always given me a sharp intuition, and I am a dragon knight of the skies, Thracia's king. I know the wind, and I am certain there is still a storm brewing, in the distance. Where it blows, and where it hits, I don't know." He looked back to me. "Might be good to prepare the children to stand on their own, just in case. You all had two assassination attempts that were very extensive, yes?"

"We have." Though, they've not struck again yet. Worse, though, was that all of our leads dried up. We could do nothing, really, but wait. "I'll warn Arvis. There has been some unrest, as you know." We did our best to address the causes, but it was difficult to determine what they were. Some were only whispers in the shadows, ones even our spies couldn't ferret out. "Though, you'll forgive me for hoping things will be fine."

"Need to be careful on that. 'Everything will be fine' doesn't have a time limit. Pretty sure that's what caught Alicia, in the end." He shrugged, and I tried to not squirm. Alicia had often repeated that everything would be fine, even as she died. Some days, it really had sounded like a prayer, or a way she held onto sanity. "Regardless, though, the main issue will be how he gets back."

"We can always set up a Warp circle as we do between Alster and Belhalla." It was a little complicated, and honestly, not worth it for most locations. It did allow for more people to be teleported at the same time, what with Warp and Return staves being single target, but only up to four people and the resources and safety risks involved always made it quite taxing to make. Alster's distance and Ishtar's frequent visits here made it a necessity, though. "Might make it easier to do back and forths on the tariffs, actually."

"I'll talk it over with Arvis. Do you want to pretend you have no idea and be comically upset at him?"

"That… would be hilarious, actually." I giggled, unable to help it. It was very fun to tease him, and I hadn't done it in a while. "You'll help me?"

"Until you give it away, sure." He grinned. "Always did love a good prank."

"This will be fun!" Never thought Travant had a sense of humor, but… "Let's do this!"

* * *

Arvis had, of course, agreed to Conall's request, and when negotiations hit an agreeable point, Conall left to spend a few months in Thracia. Arvis declared that Travant and I were never allowed to conspire again when he figured out I already knew about it and was pretending to be mad, to my intense amusement. Of course, Arvis got his revenge by letting _me_ explain to Julius and Julia why Conall got to travel and they didn't. And listen to Ishtar complaining that Conall got to fly and she didn't. Travant solved that last one by taking her and Conall both on flights before leaving.

"Wow! Those mountains are huge!" Julius gasped, rushing to a nearby window as soon as the two of us Warped to Thracia. Travant and Arvis had both agreed that having one set up really would be best, though as with all of the Circles, they were keyed to families and blood. This one could only be used by those of Naga, Fjalar, or Dain blood, and both were set up in temples well outside our respective castles. Still a bit risky, more than a bit really, especially since Travant would turn on us the moment he thought it best for Thracia, but… "Mother! Mother, look!"

"I see them, Julius!" I laughed, pushing aside my unease to focus on the present. Julius and I were here to pick up Conall after his five months here in Thracia. Julia had wanted to come along as well, longing to travel a bit, but she'd managed to catch a cold. It was almost ironic, really. Julius was normally the one who took ill. "Wait by me, though. We have to wait for someone to get us."

"Fiiiiine…" He sulked a moment and returned, but brightened right back up as soon as someone did come to get us. "Hello!"

The servant was very friendly as they led us from the temple the Warp Circle had been set up in to the castle proper. There, we were greeted by someone I knew by reputation, if not by face: General Hannibal, the Shield of Thracia. To my surprise, he'd brought his son, Coirpre, with him, specifically because he thought I'd bring my twins and that they might want to play with someone their own age. Coirpre was eight, just two years younger. Julius, of course, seized the chance to play immediately, and the two ran out into the nearby courtyard.

"You're here a little earlier than anticipated," Hannibal explained as we watched them play. I was a bit worried about Julius's health, but he seemed fine, for now. "Since today was Prince Conall's last day here, it was decided they'd all go on a flight before you got here. They're still out."

"Julius was very excited about coming to visit and actually woke _me_ up to get here sooner," I laughed, amused by the memory. Well, amused now. Julius's idea of waking Arvis and me up had been to jump on the bed a few times. "It's a shame Julia was ill. I'm sure she would've enjoyed meeting Coirpre." I studied Coirpre a moment before looking up at Hannibal. "Does he take after your wife?"

"Ah, Coirpre is adopted, actually. I am quite happily unmarried." He laughed softly. "While I was visiting Darna for business, a heavily wounded man crossed my path, carrying a small child. I attempted to give them both shelter, but the man insisted that I simply take his son and escape from the area." He smiled sadly at Coirpre, who played with Julius easily and with laughter. "Gave me a staff to keep safe as well, a very beautiful one, though it's at my home at the moment. I think whoever was after him wanted to steal that staff. He told me his son's name, and left to continue distracting whoever was after them."

"That's so…" That broke my heart, really. "Did you learn his name? His birth father, I mean."

"Sadly, no, and I didn't recognize him. He had long blonde hair, and that was the only thing unusual about him. You don't see that shade among Darna's locals." He sighed. "I don't even know if the man lived or not. I keep an eye out, of course, but by this point, if he is alive, I'm going to assume he left his son in my care permanently, to continue to run."

"I see…" I had to wince. That reminded me so much of what Alicia had chosen for her children. Leaving them in the care of someone else in the hopes they'd survive, just in case everything went wrong. "Still, Coirpre looks happy."

"I do my best. Thankfully, it seems to work." And thankfully for the sake of non-awkward conversation, laughter in the skies caught our attention, and we looked up to see three dragons flying about, with four riders. I recognized two: Travant and Conall. Though I didn't recognize the boy on the third dragon, or the girl Conall rode with. "They've returned."

"So it seems." Absently, I noticed Julius gasping in delight, and Coirpre waving and laughing to them. "Who are the other two?"

"Well, the boy there…" He pointed to the boy on the third dragon. "He's Arion, our crown prince, and the major Dain of his generation. Got his mother's gentleness, a rarity in Thracia, but one sorely needed." He pointed to the laughing girl not far from him in the skies, the one Conall rode with. "And that's Altena, Travant's ward and our beloved princess."

"Ward?"

"She's an orphan taken in during the chaos after the various massacres and the battles for Leonster. Travant just couldn't leave her to die." Hannibal smiled warmly at her and she caught his eye and waved enthusiastically at him. "So, Travant raises her and we affectionately call her our princess."

"Does she remember her parents?"

"No, it seems the trauma of losing them caused her to forget." Hannibal paused slightly, as if biting something back. "There's some talks of outright betrothing her to Arion so that she's our 'princess' in truth, but Travant wants them to find their own paths."

"I had heard Arion was betrothed to Tahra's heir?"

"That's something no one bothers remembering, even Linoan and Arion. It's only there officially because _someone_ in the empire decided it was a good idea and made it part of the surrender pact."

"...Oh." That was… that made me a bit uncomfortable, actually. "Er…"

"Relax. Even though Arion and Linoan will likely dissolve it as soon as it is politically convenient, the two are good friends and it's a friendship that might not have bloomed if not for it." He chuckled, and I got the distinct impression he had brought it up simply to mess with me. "And it does let us go around some bureaucratic nonsense for now."

"I see." I watched the four fly about, noticing how much Conall was laughing with Altena and Arion. "I hope Conall didn't cause too much trouble."

"He's been an utter delight, with all his blunt honesty and penchant for pranks." He laughed when I sighed. "No worse than Arion and Altena, really. The three of them became quite close and honestly, I think Prince Conall liked being the younger one, for once." He smiled warmly. "Prince Conall and Altena in particular bonded over their precious stuffed animals."

"Oh, Altena has one?"

"Yes, a stuffed bear her aunt gave her."

"That's adorable!" Yet, for some reason, it made my heart pang. I had no idea why. Maybe it was because the stuffed-dog was all Conall had left of his father, really. "Might I ask why she's not with her aunt? If that's not rude, I mean."

"It seems her aunt died some time ago."

"Ah." That was so sad. I was sure, if her aunt had gotten her a stuffed bear, she must've loved her niece dearly. "That makes sense." I frowned as I noticed a change in the flight pattern. "Are they landing?"

"They are." He smiled, even as the wind from the dragons' wings started to kick up some dust. "They go slow when not in battle to minimize the dust."

"I'll… take your word for that." I had to bring up my hand to protect my eyes. "What do they do in battle?"

"Land hard, typically on someone to break their necks and spines, and tear into whoever is near." Hannibal relayed it with incredible ease. "Well, that's assuming Arion and Altena don't order a fire breath."

"A… a what?" Worriedly, I looked for Julius, and saw Coirpre had pulled him back to a safe distance. "Dragons can breathe fire?"

"Some can. Most of the ones that do choose against bonding with riders. Arion and Altena are the first to bond with fire breathers since Crusader-King Dain and his fellows." That… while I was sure that was an honor, it also made me uneasy. What did it mean, for them to do so? Was it just coincidence or did they think they would be needed?

Even if there was an answer to the question, there was no time to ask. The three dragons finally landed, with a 'thump' that made the ground tremble, and all four dismounted. And as soon as Conall's feet hit the ground, Julius was running for him.

"Conall! Hi!" Julius laughed, launching himself at Conall. Conall caught him easily, laughing too. "Hi, hi, hi! I missed you! Did you miss me?"

"Of course," Conall replied, smiling brightly. It was that bright-bright smile he wore so rarely. "I got you lots of gifts."

"Really? Yay!"

I linged back, just watching everyone greet everyone. Hannibal went to Travant, talking quietly about something. Coirpre ran to Altena and she swung him up in a hug, clear off his feet, both laughing brightly. They both looked so happy. It was clear both were being raised with genuine care. Maybe… maybe it might have been better for Conall, ultimately, if we had fostered him out, instead of raising him ourselves. Though, Conall never complained, it had to be trying, living with the people responsible for his parents' deaths. Living with the people responsible for the fact that he only got a year and a half, at _most_ , with them. Still, Conall was smiling still when he ran over to me. Julius lingered back to barrage Arion with questions about dragons, all of which Arion answered easily and with good humor.

"I was hoping I could scare you by being on the roof here," Conall half-complained, using that as his greeting. My expression and mind blanked as I glanced at the roof, which was _incredibly high_. "It took a bit to find a path up, but I did!"

"I'm… not even going to think on that," I replied, voice going squeaky from the mere thought. Conall's laugh made it even worse. "So, aside from plotting my death via heart attacks, how did you like it here?"

"It was amazing!" His eyes sparkled and, again, I had that thought. 'Was he happier away from Belhalla?' "I learned so much! And I even got to help out with the farming here!" He grinned, proud of himself, and though I smiled back, I glanced over to Altena and Coirpre. She was carrying Coirpre now, kissing his head as he babbled at her about something. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." Still, I… "Conall?"

"Yes?"

"Do you ever wish…?" I hesitated, not sure I wanted to actually know the answer to this. But it still felt important to ask. "Do you ever wish Arvis and I had let someone else raise you? Away from Belhalla?"

"Uh…" Conall's expression blanked, like I'd taken him by surprise. To be fair, I probably did. I mean; I had just blurted it out. Randomly, from his point of view. "No?"

"Really?"

"Well, who else would've raised me? Who would you have asked to do that?" He brought up his hands, clearly thinking. "Aida? No way. She kidnapped me. Bloom? He's not bad, and more time with Ishtar would've been fun, but I can't stand Hilda. Ethnia might not have been bad, I guess. Danann is an idiot."

"Not sure I'd trust Danann with you." I'd talked to Arvis a bit after Aida's funeral and learned he wasn't the one who asked Danann to rule Isaach. That had been Grandfather. He remained because Danann wasn't any stricter in his rule than Bloom, though Arvis did have spies there watching. Just in case. "Still, though…"

"The only other people I would've wanted to raise me are Aideen and Oifeye." He said the words firmly and looked me right in the eyes as he said them. "I mean; I got Julius and Julia. I wouldn't have been able to spend so much time with them, if anyone else had raised me. And I got to meet Ishtar, and she's awesome." He paused, almost squirming a little, like the next words he was going to say didn't quite sit well with him. "And I guess you and Arvis aren't that bad. Not going to forgive you for the deaths, but you're not that bad. Maybe. I guess."

He ran off to get his things, and I stared after him in shock before beaming and giggling. I was sure most people would feel upset over hearing something like that, but it was honestly one of the kindest things Conall had ever said, and the closest to an 'I love you' in the six years he'd lived with us. Probably the closest he'd ever get, considering everything. So, it made me happy and I'd treasure it forever. That's just… how our family was.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: So, have a bunch of Thracians. FE4 states Hannibal found Coirpre 'as a baby in Darna' and took him in and that's about it. Coirpre's age is based on how he's actually taken by the Child Hunts briefly during FE5 (in the year 776, meaning he's somewhere between 7 and 13 then. I went for the higher end.). Linoan is a character from FE5, who is rather randomly mentioned to be Arion's fiance, despite FE4 heavily implying Altena and Arion were a thing (and also despite Linoan's ending mentioning she never married). So, I'm choosing to have it where it was set up by the Empire (Bloom in particular), and it's not something Arion and Linoan actually pay attention to, though they are good friends and later utilize it to bypass political things. For ages, Conall and Ishtar are 12, Julius and Julia are 10, Altena is 15, and Arion is 16. I'd have to check my notes, but I think Linoan is either 11 or 12, for the record.
> 
> Next Chapter - Final Chapter, Shadows


	5. Final Chapter) Shadows

Final Chapter) Shadows

* * *

"Arvis!" I stormed into his study, certain I was going to strangle him this time. His confused look when he looked up from his work only made it worse. "You let Conall keep a wolf?" I demanded. He still looked baffled. "Really?! A _wolf_?!"

"I let him keep a puppy he found?" Arvis replied hesitantly, still completely and totally lost. Any other time, I'd probably find it adorable or hilarious. "I suppose a bit large, but…"

"Arvis, it's a wolf!" I glowered and Arvis had the grace to be sheepish as he _finally_ got it. "You let him keep a wolf!"

"Seems so." Arvis shrugged and went back to his reports. I was definitely, _definitely_ going to strangle him. "Well, he rarely actually _asks_ for anything."

"That doesn't mean giving him anything he _does_ want!" I groaned and went to make tea, for myself. I couldn't believe this. "What did he tell you it was?"

"He simply brought her in and asked if, instead of healing her and letting her go as he normally did with wounded animals, he could keep her instead." Arvis was still far too calm for this. I finally understood the phrase 'I need a drink'. I'd been warned that teenagers could induce this reaction, but I wasn't sure if it was Conall or Arvis I was more annoyed at. "Did you actually see her?"

"No, not yet. He knows better than to let me." I scowled, movements sharp as I made the tea. " _I_ actually tell him-"

"Pure black fur. Just like his stuffed-dog." Arvis continued working and didn't look up at me at all, but I did pause. "I imagine that was why he wanted to keep her. He does his best to hide how he feels, but I imagine the pain of not having his parents hurts him dearly, even now."

"...I suppose…" I did soften, though. I could follow the pattern from there. "If it bites anyone, though, I am yelling at you."

"Of course. Do you mind making me a cup of tea as well?"

"Sure."

Arvis and I shared a small break, where he did actually apologize for letting Conall keep the wolf without first checking what it was. After the break, I was finally calm enough to at least not be stomping everywhere, though I was still rather annoyed. Still, I was placated by the apology, and the explanation, enough that I knew I could bite my tongue. A good thing, since I ended up walking past the gardens, where the newest addition to our family, the wolf puppy, was curled up on the bench next to Ishtar, happily wagging its tail while Conall practiced with his sword and Ishtar studied wind magic, based on the book. And, I did have to admit, it did look like a life-sized version of Conall's most precious toy.

But my focus left the wolf pup, and instead focused on Conall. After his trip to Thracia, while he decided to continue his staves studies, he had opted to not follow the path of a healer, as Alicia had. He had told me that he'd talked it over with Arion and Arion had asked him to imagine a person he disliked and decide what he'd do. Amusingly (and also thankfully), he'd imagined Manfroy and learned he couldn't decide. Since he couldn't, he thought it would be better to walk a different path. Altena had challenged him to a sword spar not long after, and he discovered he rather liked it. Must be the Od blood in him.

Though, that wasn't the only change about him. Conall had taken to wearing more Thracian clothes, of all things, stating that they were easier to move in than how Grannvelians made Isaachian clothes. He refused to wear capes, as always, but took to wearing the long coats and sturdy boots with simple, but elegant shirts and trousers. So now, you only saw him in Isaachian clothes when he was training, like now.

"Hey, Conall, why don't you learn thunder magic or something?" Ishtar asked, flipping through her book. While most of Friege's people became mage knights or mage fighters, Ishtar had decided to take up the path of a sage, and studied hard for it. "You know, like most mage fighters… lords… whatever they're taking to calling you." Ishtar lifted her book up to prevent the wolf pup from chewing on the ends. "If it's a lack of teacher, I'll gladly teach you."

"It's a lack of time, Ishtar," Conall answered, slowly winding down with a 'practice dance' as I'd heard it called. Every once in a while, I caught blue sparkles dance about him. 'Luna', Conall had called it, a special technique that let him bypass a person's armor or resistance depending on if he was wielding a blade or magic. He had to teach himself how to use it, and was determined to do so. "I take more classes at the university than you, remember?"

"That's true." Ishtar set her book to the side and stretched. "Still…"

"Maybe in a few years. For now, I've replaced the typical wind and thunder magic with light and staves and I'm quite satisfied." He finished his practice dance and rolled his shoulders. "But I think they're taking to at least affectionately dubbing me a 'mage lord' or whatever. To address that first part."

"That's right..." Ishtar laughed and rubbed the wolf's belly, laughing harder as it rolled over to give her better access to said belly. "She's so cute~! When you first found her, I was sure she wasn't going to make it."

"Bit of a miracle she did, considering how hurt she was from that eagle." Conall scooped it up and laughed when it licked his nose. "Oh, right, I did think of a name. Wanted to run it by you."

"Oh, I get to help?"

"Well, you _did_ help me get her here, remember?" He tucked the wolf against his shoulder and it curled up, perfectly content. I'd never seen a wolf so… social before. "Anyway, I was thinking 'Hekate'."

"That sounds awesome!" Ishtar laughed and hopped to her feet, looking at the wolf. "What do you think?" The wolf barked happily, tail still wagging up a storm. "Looks like she likes it too."

"Then Hekate it is." He kissed 'Hekate's' head and it barked again. "I wonder how old you are. You seem weaned, but your eyes aren't fully gold quite yet. Ten weeks, maybe?"

"She's so little and cute!" Ishtar cooed and grabbed the wolf's paws. The wolf promptly tried to gnaw on her hand. "No, don't do that. I'll bleed and that'll be yucky."

"You know wolves eat raw meat, right?"

"They do?"

"...Yes?" Conall burst into laughter at Ishtar's startled look. "What did you think they ate?"

"I don't know! I haven't seen a wolf! You're the one who brings in all the wild animals!" She stomped her foot, scowling as Conall continued laughing. The wolf began 'howling', or at least a high pitched squeak that I thought was a howl, trying to imitate Conall. "Hey!"

"Conall!" Julia raced up then, bright eyed and bouncing with excitement. "Conall, Conall, I heard you got a wolf puppy!" Julia gushed, barely sliding to a stop in front of Conall and Ishtar. I could only sigh; things like this were why Arvis never did say 'no' to the animals. "Can I meet her? Please, please, please!"

"She's right here, silly," Conall teased, quieting his laughter. He knelt down so that Julia could more easily see it. "Careful, Hekate is rather shy. She's still getting used to everyone."

"Okay." Julia crouched down and smiled warmly. "Hi, I hope we can be friends." She carefully reached out and pet the wolf's head, giggling. "She's so soft…"

I watched the three play with the wolf a bit longer before leaving to meet with the local guard and ask how their investigation was going. Some local children had gone missing over the past few days, and it was quite distressing how little signs there were of them. Worse, there were rumors spreading about that children were going missing all over the Empire. That troubled me greatly. I hoped that we could find them soon. One of the main reasons why Arvis and I worked so hard was to make the continent a safe place for children, a safe place for our children to grow. I'd hate it if someone undid all of our hard work...

* * *

A few days after Hekate joined the family, and promptly proved to be trouble incarnate, Julia asked to see the Book of Naga. I was curious as to why, but she didn't offer an explanation. So, I chose to not ask and just led her to my room, where I safely stored the tome. However, she didn't say anything when I brought it out, and didn't reach out to grab it. I set it on the bed, mostly because I wasn't sure what she wanted, and she crouched by it, staring at it. Studying it. Like it had the answers to everything.

"It's… scary…" Julia whispered after a long moment. She tentatively poked it with a finger and quickly retracted her hand. "I feel like it'll swallow me up."

"That's just because you're still learning," I reassured her. I pulled back her hair and began braiding it. "I've used it, and I'm fine."

"But you did lose your memories."

"I…" I paused, not considering that. "I didn't get the Book of Naga until many years after my amnesia, Julia." But it did make me wonder if the Holy Blood was involved, somehow, with my memory loss. I had no idea how, exactly, but there were stories of the Blood protecting its own. "I used it after Conall nearly died."

"Yeah, it was all glowy and doomy." She continued staring at it, frowning. "I don't like it. I feel like it's there to kill someone important. Like it _wants_ to kill someone important."

"The Book of Naga was gifted to the Saint Heim to counter Loptyr's barrier."

"Not that kind of important. Important-important." She said it clearly and then looked up at me. "Can we put it away now?"

"...Of course." I tucked it back on the shelf and then sat down on the bed, pulling her up into my lap. She was almost too big for this, but she curled into me, desperate for comfort. "Now, will you tell me what's wrong?"

"...I've been having very sad dreams lately." Julia's voice was soft, barely loud enough to hear. "There's a golden light, like the tome, and someone screaming in pain. And then I see flashes of people, including a boy with long blue hair looking ready to cry, even as he raised his sword to fight." She looked up at me, frowning. "But I don't know anyone like that."

"Mmm… no, you don't. I don't either." Yet, as she said that, there was a tiny… flicker of a memory, maybe. An impression, too faint to really understand, but that left a horrible ache in my heart. "Is it sad because he's sad?"

"All of them are sad. But that's not what makes _me_ sad." She sighed, slumping so much she nearly tripped over her feet. "I don't know what makes me sad, really. But I wake up crying. Julius has been worried. I had hoped the tome might make things make sense, but..."

"Has Julius been waking you up from the dreams?" The twins hadn't shared a room in years, but they did have a habit of making sure to greet each other first in the morning. Then they'd run to wake up Conall, as a callback to the early years when all three shared a room.

"Or I wake him up from his nightmares." She twisted to hug me. "It's scary."

"Everything will be fine." I kissed her forehead and hugged her back. "You know that Arvis and I would never let anything happen. And you know Conall will keep you safe."

"That's true. Conall always keeps me safe." She smiled shyly, giggling. Whether it was scary assassins, who still haven't struck again, or an icky bug, Conall was near, protecting her as best as he could. "But the tome is scary. I don't like it."

"Well, I doubt you'll have to use it for a long while." I kissed her head and gently rocked her. "I'll make sure of it."

"Okay…"

I held Julia for a while longer before she had to leave for her lessons. I walked her there, holding her hand the entire time, and made sure she was fine before leaving and heading to Arvis's study. After all, he should know that Julia had been having some troubling dreams. However, he wasn't alone in his study. Conall was actually in the room with him, rather unusually. Even after all these years, Conall rarely sought out Arvis. That said, I learned pretty quickly what had happened, and I felt strangely vindicated by it.

"I'm sorry Hekate ate your papers," Conall mumbled awkwardly, organizing things for Arvis. Hekate, meanwhile, was happily chewing on a bone at his feet, with scraps of paper scattered about her. "I didn't know she had figured out doors. Or could even reach the handles."

"It's like having a toddler again," Arvis joked, unbothered even as he continued working. I guessed the papers weren't important, or his happiness at being able to spend time with Conall outweighed any annoyance. "Complete with chewing things that they shouldn't."

"I'd swear she was teething with all she chews." He glanced down at Hekate again, and she barked happily at him, tail wagging. "Yes, you're cute." He sighed, and went back to work briefly before stopping again. "Though, Arvis, there's a question I've been meaning to ask for a while."

"Is that so?" Arvis stopped his own work. "What is it?"

"Do you regret sacrificing Mom for your dream?" Conall looked Arvis right in the eye, and _I_ winced in pain. "Do you regret sacrificing her and her friends?"

"That's…" Arvis fell quiet, closing his eyes to consider his answer carefully. "I work hard in order to not regret it. That was our quiet agreement. She would move past it, so long as I ruled well."

"Because if it hadn't affected her, she wouldn't have been nearly as mad. She could recognize that."

"Exactly. And she and I were always very similar. She could understand me far too well." Arvis sat back in his chair, fiddling with his cufflinks. They were the ones a friend had given him for our wedding day; I had never seen him use another pair. "I do wish I could've thought of something better. I do wish that hadn't been the only move on the board, so to speak, that I could see. But it was the choice I made, and I will have to live with it for the rest of my days. So I work hard to make a world I know she would've wanted too."

"I see." Conall fell silent for a moment and then changed the subject entirely. Probably to keep from screaming or crying. "Would it be all right if I visited Alster soon? Ishtar says Tine wanted to actually see me, instead of just writing letters, and Reinhardt wants someone to spar against."

"I see no trouble with that." Arvis grinned at him. "But my, Tine asked for you?"

"Yes?" Conall frowned, and Arvis chuckled. I had to muffle my own giggle, to not be overheard. "I'm missing something. I am _definitely_ missing something." He sighed heavily. "Oh, whatever. Arion and Altena also wanted to know if I could visit during the harvest like I did last year."

"That should also be fine. You can show them Hekate."

"And pray Hekate doesn't get eaten by the dragons." Conall paused and looked down at Hekate again, who was still just chewing on that bone. "I think I need to invest in a leash for you." Hekate looked up at him and whimpered. "Nope, puppy eyes won't work. We're getting a leash, at least while you're a puppy, and hopefully, you won't chew through it like you chew through everything else." Now Hekate sat up and pawed at his legs. "Yes, you're cute." Conall sighed. "Well, this will take a while. I'll make some tea." Conall headed over to the shelves, frowning. Adorably, Hekate followed him closely. "Wow, there's a lot. Which one?"

"...The one in the large tin, marked with a flower."

"This one?" Conall pulled it out, and I recognized it instantly. That was Alicia's mix. "Sure. Anything special about it?"

"It's a mix Alicia would make special for me." Arvis smiled gently and Conall paused briefly, stunned. "She would do that for the people she cared about, providing they liked tea. Make mixes based on herbs that were good for them and personal tastes."

"...Oh…" Conall smiled softly at the tin, laughing a bit. "Okay."

I decided to leave them, both to stop eavesdropping on a private moment and because I knew I'd give myself away with my giggles. I did enjoy seeing them bond, even though I knew it would always be strained. And I also liked that Arvis had finally healed enough to have a bit of Alicia's tea again. That really made me feel like we were walking forward.

I'd tell Arvis about Julia's dreams later. For now, I wanted to enjoy this giddiness.

* * *

It was so immensely frustrating. _None_ of the missing children could be found, and no matter how much we investigated, we just found nothing. It was bad enough that we asked Manfroy and his people for their help, but so far, no new clues. It was almost enough to drive one mad, really.

"Hey, Conall?" Julius's voice caught my attention and I diverted my route from storming through the hallways in frustration to heading to the courtyard. "Can I ask you something?" Julius asked, crouched by a bench. Conall was sitting on said bench, brushing Hekate. Who shed. A lot. _A lot_. How a puppy had so much hair, I had no idea. I swore there was more fur than puppy! "Please?"

"Of course," Conall replied, more focused on brushing than on Julius. But he did pause long enough to smile. "What is it?"

"Well… um…" Julius fidgeted a bit before blurting, "Do you like Ishtar?"

"Uh… yes?" Conall looked so confused and he stopped brushing entirely to give Julius his full attention. Hekate huffed, a bit annoyed, before curling up to sleep. "She's my best friend?"

"No, no!" Julius flailed about in frustration, falling on his butt in the process. "I mean… um…" Julius was blushing badly. "Do you think she's pretty?"

"I suppose?" Conall continued looking confused before getting an 'aha!' look. "Oh! You're crushing on her!"

"Conall!" Julius went even redder. "Come on! Answer the question!"

"You're only asking because you want help, right?" Conall ruffled Julius's hair, smiling teasingly. Some of Hekate's fur got caught in the strands. "Well, I'm not the best source of advice for this sort of thing, but I do know Ishtar well. You want to know her favorite flower to surprise her with?"

"Y-yes!" Julius frowned, though. "You sure you're not interested, though? I mean…"

"No?" Conall shrugged. "And even if I was, I doubt she'd reciprocate."

"You sure? Because you're kind of a dunce when it comes to seeing things like that."

"Am I?" Conall was back to being confused. He was… horribly oblivious sometimes. He really was. Sometimes, I wondered if it was that barrier he always kept up, that distance. Other times, I just thought it was just him since that distance was only with Arvis and me, nowadays. "So, you don't want help?"

"No, no, I want help!" Julius swung back up to his feet. "I just… you know… if you like her, I don't…"

"Well, first lesson? Let the person choose who they love and respect their choices." Conall smiled warmly. "Exceptions are with abusive situations, but that's a talk for another time, with a proper adult who knows what they're talking about."

"Oh, now what, exactly, are you to needing a proper adult for?" And Arvis appeared out of nowhere, apparently taking a break himself. Conall and Hekate didn't react, though Julius yelped and fell on his butt again. "Julius!" Arvis gasped, immediately helping him back up. "Are you okay?" Julius nodded, turning even redder now. "Good… so, what's going on?"

"Julius has a massive crush on Ishtar, apparently," Conall revealed with a bright, mischievous grin. Julius squeaked and tried to hide his face. "Want to help?"

"I can't say Diadora and I had the most conventional courtship." Arvis grinned as well. For the first time, I noticed that Conall and Arvis actually looked quite a bit alike, at least when they smiled and grinned. "But, I can try to help, Julius."

"You just want to tease," Julius complained, sulking even as he continued blushing. Still, he tugged Arvis's sleeve. "But, yes, help, please?"

I thought about joining in the teasing. I thought about just leaving. But then I saw Ishtar, of all people, walking down the path and quickly steered her away. When I glanced back, I saw Arvis had noticed, but when he saw Ishtar, he simply smiled and shifted so that Julius wouldn't see me. The poor boy was embarrassed enough!

"Uh… was there a reason I couldn't head to the courtyard?" Ishtar asked, very confused. She reached up to fix her ponytail, frowning. "I heard Conall was there on break."

"He is, but he's having a private discussion with Julius," I explained with a smile. It wasn't a lie. Ishtar was clever enough to see through one. "It's horribly embarrassing for Julius, so…"

"Oh, guy talk. Like girl talk." She nodded, understanding. "Ishtore and Reinhardt duck away a lot for similar. Though I'm pretty sure I know what they talk about."

"Oh?"

"Yeah!" She grinned, mischievous and amused. "I think Ishtore's got a crush on Liza, one of the thunder mage trainees in the army, who's getting double training as a tactician. But he doesn't want to tell _me_ yet, so Reinhardt."

"Oh, that's rather adorable." And it gave me a remarkable lead in to a conversation I hadn't know I wanted to have. But I jumped on it, because it seemed fun and I sorely needed it. "So, speaking of crushes, I heard Tine asked for Conall to visit?"

"She has the _biggest_ crush on him, and it's so cute!" Ishtar giggled, skipping a bit as we walked. "I mean; it makes sense. Conall's handsome enough, and he's kind. And since she's shy, she's got very little experience with people. And he's very attentive with her _because_ he knows she's shy."

"That sounds adorable!"

"It is!" Ishtar continued giggling. "I don't think it's something that'll last much more than a couple of years, really, particularly if she knew how blunt he can be, but for now, it's adorable and I do want to encourage her to reach out to people. That Conall is oblivious as all hell-"

"Language."

"Heck is a plus, because things won't get too awkward." Ishtar grinned and winked. "No telling Conall, though!"

"I won't. Promise." I somehow doubted Conall would even believe me. "Well, what about you? Do you have a crush on Conall?"

"Who? Me? No way!" She rolled her eyes. "He's my best friend. Though, I do get scared that he's going to leave."

"Oh?" That surprised me. "Why?"

"I mean; he's got family in Isaach. One day, he's going to want to try and find them, right?" Ishtar kicked a stone, and watched it tumble down the path. I tried to not wince at the thought. It had never occured to me, actually. "And he'll probably stay with them. He's missed them all this time. It's probably really selfish to be scared. But, he's my best friend. Always been here. I'd like him to always be here." She shrugged and shook her head roughly, as if to dismiss the thought entirely, for fear of it coming true. "We're too close to be romantic, though. The thought of losing him feels more like… I don't know… losing my arm or something. Losing someone you love is supposed to be like losing your heart, right?"

"I think it means different things for different people." At the least, though, it was clear Ishtar and Conall were certain they didn't like each other romantically, yet. Even if we adults thought otherwise, we couldn't force anything. Besides, I did feel a tad obligated to help Julius with _his_ crush. I was his mother, after all. "So, what about Julius?"

"Huh? Well, he's cute, I suppose?" She became very thoughtful. "Super sweet… I could see falling in love with him, actually. Maybe in a few years. I'm _way_ too busy nowadays." She suddenly scowled. "Ugh, wait, this sounds like a conversation I'd have with Mother."

"Does it?"

"...Well, no, it's a lot nicer. She's all 'hey, you should marry up to bolster and benefit the family' or something?" She rolled her eyes. "As if any of that is important. I mean; we're nobles! Crusader blooded! It's not like we're going to suddenly be poor or anything, and we don't need political alliances! I'm going to marry for love!"

"Good, you should." And I felt like I needed to have a talk with Hilda. Or kidnap Ishtar, Ishtore, and Tine forever. I was _very_ tempted. "And if anyone tells you otherwise, you can say 'Diadora ordered that I marry only for love'."

"I will!" She laughed, delighted by the thought. "I wonder if Julia is crushing on anyone, though."

"Shall we find her and see?"

"Yes!"

Julia turned quite red when we did ask, and after some good-natured pestering, she did admit to finding one of the squires rather cute. Ishtar had squealed and teased her, while I laughed and brushed their hair before getting us three some sweets to have with the conversation. Days like this were rather fun. I never had these sorts of talks before. I rather looked forward to them, in the future.

* * *

"Your hair has gotten really long now, Julius," I noted as I helped him brush it. Julius had asked if I'd mind, and of course I didn't. "It's as long as Conall's." All the way down his back, though Julius wore his loose. Conall tied his back in a low ponytail.

"No, it's as long as yours," Julius corrected sulkily. I giggled as I caught what he meant. He grew it long because _I_ had long hair. "And Julia's."

"That's also true. Most boys your age don't like being compared to their mothers, though."

"They must not have very good mothers." Julius still sulked, but he softened when I kissed his head. "But _I_ have the best mother."

"And I have the best son." I smiled warmly at him and he smiled back. However, I could see how pale he was, and the slight bags under his eyes that hinted he hadn't been sleeping well. "You've been having nightmares."

"Oh, did Julia tell you?" He sighed, grumbling a little. "She always tells."

"Well, it started with her talking about her sad dreams."

"Those are worse than mine. Mine are just scary." Julius played with his hands, sitting perfectly still for me. "I don't like it when Julia is sad."

"And she hates it when you're scared. Because you're siblings, twins."

"And we love each other very much." Julius smiled again, laughing. "Because I've got the best family!"

"Which means we worry about you when you don't sleep."

"Are all of us stubborn?"

"Very. And I have more practice."

"Fiiiiiine." Julius huffed, pretending to be annoyed. I saw how stiffly he sat, though. "They're… it's hard to describe them, Mother. Mostly, I just feel like there's this being watching me, one with glowing eyes that glint in the dark. Everything is dark. I can barely see anything. And then it laughs, a sound that makes my heart stop." He tilted his head back to look up at me, fear making his eyes duller than normal. "From there, it eats me."

"It… it _eats_ you?"

"Yeah. Limb by limb, piece by piece." He shuddered at the memory. "And I'm too scared to move or do anything. It's… awful..."

"Oh, my poor baby…" I set the brush down to hug him. "What a horrible nightmare. You've had it frequently?"

"It's been more and more frequent lately." He reached up to grab my arm tightly. "I wonder if it's the Blood trying to warn me."

"Have you told anyone else?"

"Conall, mostly because I was napping by him and he saw how much I was tossing." Julius brought his head down, and I hesitantly returned to brushing his hair. "He thinks it could be the Blood, but also wonders if it's some sort of anxiety, trying to 'eat me alive', so to speak."

"It could be that. Dreams are weird." But if both Julius and Julia were having odd dreams, I had to wonder… "But is there anything in particular bothering you?"

"Well…" Julius fell silent, and I continued brushing his hair. When I finished, I assumed he didn't want to continue, but he caught my sleeve and tugged me over to the bed to sit down. "Mother, were you married before you married Father?"

"That's…" I had to wince. Even now, that question haunted me. "Well, I suppose you're old enough for this sort of conversation." I sat on the bed next to him and tugged him into a hug. "It _is_ possible. I don't have memories from before being found in Velthomer. It's possible that I had a husband before. It's possible I have children from that marriage."

"Soooo, I could have an older sibling?" Julius sounded rather happy about the thought. That startled me, truthfully. "One that could, say, take the throne that Julia and I don't want?"

"Er… well, yes?" That… that hadn't been something I considered. "They'd have to inherit Minor Naga to prove it, but yes, it's possible."

"And I could have an older sibling to tease? Just like Conall?" He grinned, bouncing a bit. "That would be fun! And our family would be even bigger!"

"Well, yes." It never occured to me, actually, that Julius might _like_ the idea of having an older sibling. "If they exist."

"Oh, but I guess that would be uncomfortable for you and Father. And the politics will be confusing." He poked my cheek. "But, I still think it would be nice."

"Hee… I'm glad you do." I kissed his nose, strangely comforted by his reaction. "Why has this been worrying you, though?"

"I overheard some gossip in the market. Not loud, but loud enough. It made me curious." He smiled warmly at me. "If I don't have an older sibling, I'll take the throne so that Julia doesn't have to. But if I do have one, I'm going to make them take it! And then I can help and advise! That sounds way more fun!"

"Does it?" I had to laugh. His eyes certainly lit up and he sat tall at the thought, instead of trying to hide into himself whenever the topic of him inheriting came up. "Well, that's a thought, and discussion, for another day."

"Can I tell Julia?"

"You may. But you must keep it quiet." I made my expression as stern as possible. "My amnesia isn't well known outside a few select people, Julius. It's dangerous."

"Because people can take advantage of you?" Julius frowned. "People can be mean."

"They can. But they can also be very kind. That's the joy about people."

"True…" He smiled softly. "I love the people of our empire. I want to do what's best for them. I'm sure that means me not inheriting. But, like I said, I will if I have to, because Julia _really_ doesn't want it."

"That's sweet of you." I kissed his forehead. "Now, I know you're older, but would you like a story, as you used to?"

"Yes!" He laughed. "I'll always love your stories, Mother! Just like I'll always love you!"

"And I, you."

After a lovely story, where Julius jumped in on the telling because he remembered, Julius fell asleep, and I tucked him in. Afterwards, though, I decided to go check on Arvis. Even though it was late, I knew he'd be working still. Still, I did prolong my trip, mostly by checking on everyone else. Julia was fast asleep, no trace of sad dreams, yet. Conall was curled up in bed with Hekate tucked under his arm, even though I knew Hekate shouldn't have been on the bed. Ishtar was sprawled out in her bed, having kicked off all the blankets. Little things that made me smile, or roll my eyes in fond exasperation. But there was only so much I could do to delay and, so, I entered Arvis's office quietly. He knew something was bothering me. He always did, especially after so long of being married.

"What is it?" he asked softly. He made to stand, but I shook my head, so he remained seated. "Is it the missing children?"

"No, but that does continue to frustrate me," I whispered. There continued to be no traces. At this point, we all knew we were looking for bodies. But what did their killer _do_ to them? "It's something else."

"I see." And he waited. He waited for me to gather my thoughts. I knew that if I said 'never mind', he would respect that. That's how he always was.

But no matter how uncomfortable I was, this was something we needed to talk about. "Arvis, we haven't talked much about my amnesia since before the wedding. Aside from, you know, me being insecure and you reassuring me." I looked down at the floor, fidgeting with my hands. "What… what _would_ you do, if it turns out I was married before?"

"I imagine have quite the awkward conversation with your first husband, if he still lives." Arvis spun a pen about his fingers, thoughtful. "I imagine have an equally awkward conversation with any children you might have had. Then we'd figure out any political nonsense."

"That's… that sounds remarkably simple." In fact, so simple that I began sulking. "That's a little…"

"Well, it's something easy to say, and harder to actually work. And the political situation would be much more complicated. But I've had time to think about it. Even if we haven't spoken much of it, I have considered it."

"You have?"

"Of course. It worries you." He smiled kindly. "I will admit. I have long thought that the trauma that stole your memories might have been you losing your family, perhaps a husband and child. And I have been curious, if only to try and assuage your worries." He stood up and walked over to rest his hands on my shoulders. "However, you never seemed in a hurry to push the subject, and I didn't want you to feel obligated. But we can make it a priority, if you want."

"Mm… not yet…" I was still too scared. I was still certain that if I did learn, I would lose this happiness I had, this happiness I loved. "Still…"

"Still, if and when you are comfortable, and if and when we learn, we will work through it together, as a family." He smiled gently and warmly at me. "Including them. Because they are family too."

"...Thank you…" I smiled back finally, reassured. "Well, still not yet. But maybe soon, we'll solve that mystery. Right now, I think I am more concerned as to why the rumors are coming up."

"Yes, that does hint to discontent, and therefore, probably something we've lost in the cracks. Perhaps even related to these missing children." Arvis returned to his desk, thumbing through his papers. "Let's see if there's something here."

"Yes!" Still, before I went to help, I glanced out the window, looking over Belhalla. At this hour, it slept peacefully, but I knew in the morning, it would be lively again. After all, that was how people were. When things were dark, they would make them light again. When they were sad, they would find ways to cheer up. It was as regular as the sun and moon.

Yes, everything would be okay. I knew that for a fact. We would make everything okay. I was sure of it.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: Yep, so Conall has a wolf like Riona, though he gets his three years earlier. It's partially for the same reasons as Riona, with the added thing of me being far too amused with Diadora's reaction. Young pups are sometimes preyed upon by golden eagles and bears. Hekate is an alternate spelling of 'Hecate', an ancient greek goddess often show with a pair of torches or a keys, and depicted in a 'triple' form in later years. She's associated with crossroads, transitions, magic, witchcraft, herbal knowledge, ghosts, necromancy, and sorcery. One of her sacred animals was a dog, and her approach was said to be heralded by the howling of one.
> 
> For a better indicator of Conall's clothes, look to Arion's _Fire Emblem Treasure_ art. Or Eldigan's art, but no cravat or anything. (Or I suppose Camus's art from FE11? I'd have to double check that one). In FE4, Luna can only be inherited by sword wielding infantry, but I call BS on that, so yes, Conall has inherited it as well. The 'mage lord' thing is a nod to the Inflation Patch for FE4 (which gives insane boosts to like… everyone and makes odd pairings like Ayra-Lewyn perfectly viable in game; it is strangely fun, though the end of the generation fights can be madness because _everyone_ is boosted, friends and allies alike). Ishtar is a sage in game, meaning that she knows wind, thunder, fire, light, and staves. Mage Fighters learn swords, fire, wind, and thunder while female mage fighters also get staves.
> 
> The description for Julius's nightmare is similar to the description of Kestrel's nightmare in Chapter 13 of _Shadows of the Shepherds_. As for ages, Conall and Ishtar are 14 and Julius and Julia are 12. And for timeline purposes, the year is 774, five years before Gen2's start in _Memoirs of the Holy War_.
> 
> Next Chapter - Epilogue (there will be only one epilogue and, as a reminder, it will be in a different POV. Diadora's story ends here.)


	6. Epilogue) Conall

Epilogue) Conall

* * *

Hekate's whimpering woke me up from a strange dream of fire, blood, and madness. I honestly couldn't remember anything else as I pushed myself up, groaning because it was way too damn… darn… late. Early. Whichever. Time for which cursing was invented, even if Diadora had a policy of 'no cursing until you are of age' that she scolded us over.

"What's wrong, Hekate?" I asked, swinging my legs over the edge. She was much bigger than she had been when I found her, now a year old and near her full growth. Normally, she'd be bouncing around happily because I was awake and not being 'eaten by the sleepy monster', but tonight, she remained low to the ground, scared by something. "I'm guessing you don't need to be let outside." I slowly stood up, rubbing my eyes to try and wake up a little more. At this point, I noticed a strange humming to my blood, a pulse of anxiety slowly creeping through. "Now, what the hell is going on? And I don't care what Diadora says. This deserves a-"

A quiet thump. There was a quiet thump just outside my door and Hekate began barking. Confused and worried, I conjured up a fireball, just in case, and opened the door, ready for a fight. Instead, I yelped and picked up Julia as she was bleeding out against my door. Her dress and hair were saturated with it, and there was a distinct trail on blood, and puddle, outside in the hall.

"Julia!" I held her close and tried to head for my staves in the corner while not dropping her. Hekate, smart girl, fetched me my Mend, the strongest I could use at the moment. "Hey, can you hear me?" I asked her softly. She mumbled something unintelligible, but it was at least something. "Hang on…" I sat her on the bed, propped her against some pillows, and began healing her up. The wound was… odd. It was like something had failed to cut her in half, _after_ trying and failing to gouge out her heart. "Julia?"

"Conall…" she finally whimpered. She opened her hazy eyes, tears slipping down her face. "Conall…?"

"I'm here. It's fine. You're safe." I smiled warmly at her, and distantly noted Hekate shutting the door and laying down in front of it. Holding it shut with her own weight. "This will take a bit to heal, but I'll at least get the worst fixed."

"Conall…!" Her voice cracked and she began sobbing. "Conall, something's wrong with Julius!"

"Oh?" I sat on the bed next to her, letting her cry into my shoulder while I still did my best to heal her. This was something we needed Cyas or Cowen for, definitely. But I knew enough to deal with the worst. I could at least make sure she'd survive to get to them. "What happened?"

"I couldn't sleep so… so Julius walked with me…" She weakly clung to my sleeve. "Then we met Manfroy and he asked Julius for some help moving some tomes." She hiccuped, still sobbing. "I told him to not go! I told him! But Julius thought it would be okay. Just moving some tomes. Nothing fancy."

"So, how badly am I going to want to prank Manfroy this time?" I didn't care how old I got. Manfroy was a person who deserved pranks. Sad past or not, he was a pretentious ass… jerk. "Whatever. How did this happen? Can you remember?"

"I waited for Julius, and then there was a scream and a sob and then shadows everywhere and… and…!" She looked up at me pleadingly, the blood on her face turning her tears an eerie pink color. "I think Julius has gone mad! I think Manfroy made him go mad! Please, can you help him?"

"As soon as I know you'll be fine, I'll go find him." I only just now got the bleeding to stop. With such bad injuries, I was certain she only lived because of her Holy Blood. Blood was all over my floor, my bed, and both of our clothes. "And then I'll help him, okay? But we know he'd be sad if anything happened to you."

"Right…" She leaned into me, still sobbing. "What's going on? What happened?"

"We'll find out." Reluctantly concluding I'd done all I could, I set my staff down and hugged her. "Here, let's get you into some not bloody clothes and get the blood out of your hair."

"But Julius…"

"It'll make it easier to make sure your injuries are healed up." Plus, she wouldn't look quite so much like a murder victim. "Here, you can use one of my shirts."

I had just helped Julia into one of my longest shirts, thankfully large enough thanks to my last growth spurt, and gotten the last of the blood out of her hair when there was a frantic knocking on the door. "Conall?" Diadora called through it. She tried to open the door, but Hekate growled, leaning her full bulk against the door to prevent it from moving. "Conall, it's Diadora. Is Julia in there? There's a trail and blood and…!"

"Hekate, let Diadora in," I ordered. Hekate whimpered, but nodded, trotting over to lick the blood off of Julia's face. Julia clung to Hekate weakly, woozy from the loss of blood. "Should open now."

"Thank everything…" Diadora opened the door abruptly, and I was startled by how frazzled she looked. She wasn't even wearing her circlet; she never went anywhere without it. "There's… so much blood…" She looked about my room shakily. "I…"

"Julia's right here. I've gotten the worst healed up." I smiled reassuringly at Diadora before focusing on Julia, now drying her eyes. "However, since you're here, I'm going to find Julius-"

"No!" Diadora snapped the word and _that_ startled me. Scolding, being exasperated, little shrieky from worry… I'd heard all those tones in the past. Snapping? Not so much. "No, you stay here." She came over and brushed Julia's hair behind her ear. That's when I noticed Diadora was actually carrying a staff. A warp staff. "Julia, come with me, okay? We need to get you to somewhere safer."

"Diadora, what's going on?" I stood up again as she led Julia out of the room. This wasn't usual. Whenever Julia had been scared in the past, Diadora had often brought her _to_ me, not take her away! "Diadora!" So, I chased after them, slipping in the blood. Hekate followed quickly and overtook Diadora and Julia easily, blocking the hallway. "What is going-?"

It took me two seconds to realize that the reason I couldn't talk was because Diadora was suddenly hugging me. I stiffened automatically, not liking the abrupt touch. But then I noticed her shaking and crying, so I relaxed and let her get away with it this time. Something was clearly wrong.

"I couldn't do it," she whispered. I didn't understand what she was talking about. "I knew what happened as soon as I saw it. I knew what I needed to do. But I couldn't… I _couldn't_ …" She pulled away and cupped my face, smiling so brokenly. "Conall, I want you to get to a safer place too, as soon as you can. Somewhere far away from here."

"That's… that's not making sense," I protested. I'd never seen her so afraid. I'd never seen her so… "And where the hell-"

"Language."

"You're practically immobile from shaking and you're scolding me on that? Really?" This was just ridiculous! "Whatever. Where would I go?"

"Alster. Thracia. Somewhere that's not here. I need to get Julia away too, to a place that they will never guess."

"Who are you talking about?" Anxiety thrummed through my blood again. The Holy Blood… it was reacting to _something_. "What is going on?"

"Conall, please, for once, just listen." She kissed my forehead. "I love you very much. I'm very glad you came into our lives, even though I know you'd rather had stayed with your sister."

"That's a discussion for another time!" It wasn't wrong, but even _I_ had enough tact to not say that now. "You're talking like you're going to die!"

"I hope not. I'm going to make one more attempt. But I know I might fail again. So, I'm taking precautions." She reached into the pocket of her robes and pulled out her Aura tome. "Here. You hold onto this. Just in case."

"Why would I need a tome? Particularly one this strong?" Yes, I'd just recently mastered the skill for it, but this was all ridiculous! Nothing made sense! "Diadora, please, can you stop talking around things and-?"

"Hey, Conall, I've a question for you." She continued smiling so brokenly. It hurt to see, so I glanced behind, and saw Hekate curled around Julia protectively, while Julia clung. "Do you know the name 'Seliph'?"

"What?" I… yes, I did know that name. Seliph was one of my friends, one of the ones in Isaach that I prayed desperately was still safe. He was… he was also Diadora's first born, but I'd always kept silent on that. When I discovered she had amnesia, total amnesia, I decided there was no point. I mean; I had thought about it when I first got here, just to hurt her, but I'd realized her only 'crime' was believing and trusting the people around her. That was stupid to be angry over. "Why?"

"A little boy with blue hair and a sweet smile, yes?" She rattled it off easily and, with a bit of horror, I realized why she was asking. "I remembered him. Nothing else. Just him. Just my baby boy who I forgot and abandoned. I am the worst, huh?"

"You can't help losing your memories, Diadora."

"So you _did_ know something about my past. I always suspected." Her smile became more broken, yet also somehow warmer. "Always suspected Alicia knew. And both of you kept on trying to protect me, even though it had to hurt and be so frustrating." She hugged me again, and I was stunned enough to let her. "Hey, what was my name? Was it Diadora? Was it something else? Diadora was just based on some items I had on me, but they could've been anyone."

"...Deirdre." I whispered it, not sure what else to do. Nothing made sense. Why would she remember Seliph now, after all this time? Why just him? Why…? "It was Deirdre."

"Now that's rather pretty." She laughed a bit and kissed my forehead again. "Be safe. Stay alive. Be happy. I love you."

"Diadora?" I tried to grab her when she turned away, but I slipped in the blood again and so, missed her. "Diadora!" She didn't turn back. She grabbed Julia by the hand, pet and kissed Hekate's head, and then the two ran off. "Diadora! Julia!" I tried to chase, but yet again, I slipped in the blood because there was just so damn much. I would've fallen flat on my ass if Hekate hadn't rushed over to help me. "What is going on?" I looked at the tome, _really_ wondering why she'd give me her own tome. Her preferred tome, at that. "Whatever. Be safe, my ass. Not until I know she and Julia are okay, and not until I find Julius." Where the hell was Arvis? He had to be somewhere around here, probably running about mad if Diadora had been in any way as vague with him as me. "Hekate?" I looked to her and she barked, tail wagging. "Yeah, I think Diadora forgot wolves had keen senses of smell." And with Julia bleeding as she had been, there was a lot of places to catch the scent. Assuming Julia's wounds didn't reopen for a literal blood trail. "Let's go."

She barked again, sniffed about to make sure she had Julia's scent, and darted off, with me close behind. I tucked the tome against my chest as I ran, just in case we got ambushed. There was _clearly_ something wrong, after all. People didn't just spontaneously have their insides ripped out or something. But as we ran, there was nothing. It was almost disturbingly silent, and the air was heavy. I felt less like I was running and more like was swimming through stone. The shadows seemed to dance and flicker in the pale moonlight, reaching out to catch anything near. My blood hummed and pulsed with anxiety. My Holy Mark burned on my right shoulder, the prickling, piercing heat searing down my back. Reacting. It was reacting to _something_. But just what…?

I stumbled to a stop as Hekate and I made it outside to the innermost gardens, Diadora's favorite place in the entire castle because they were always in bloom no matter the season, always filled with various colors. However, the only color at the moment was red. Red dotted the flowers closest to me. Red coated the ones a little closer. Red flooded the various paths. Red soaked into the soil. Red, red, red… all blood. All Diadora's blood. Because something had, literally, ripped her in half.

"What… happened…?" I whispered shakily, feeling the overwhelming urge to vomit. And that was even before the smell really hit me. "What…?" I knew death. I recognized death. Death had been so common when I was little that no small part of me considered it 'normal', even after years here in Belhalla. But this was different. I'd never seen a death so violent before. "Julia?" I looked around frantically, though I hesitated in walking forward. I was barefoot, so I'd be… "Julia!" But then I made myself move because it wasn't like I wasn't covered in blood already. And if it meant figuring out where Julia was… "Julia!" Hekate followed me closely, whimpering and whining. She'd lost the scent in all of this, but she was still trying. "Julia!"

Hekate led me over to the warp staff Diadora had been holding earlier, now covered in so much blood, you'd swear it was the original color. It was still near her bloody hand, and there was a trace of magic to the air, hinting she'd _just_ managed to use it before dying. So Julia wasn't here. She'd been warped… somewhere. But where? Why? There were no answers and I stared at Diadora's ripped apart body like the pieces could tell me some anyway. Hekate whined and nosed her head, like that would wake her up. Like a human, even one with Holy Blood, could survive being ripped in two, with all the blood and organs spilling out. What confused me the most was that she was smiling. Even though she had to have been in horrible pain for the split-second before being torn apart, she had been smiled so softly, so kindly. Even in death, it was fixed to her face, meaning it hadn't faltered once. Why?

It wasn't until Hekate's ears twitched that I started paying attention to my surroundings again, and when I did, I heard quiet sobbing not far away. Startled, I headed towards it, slipping in all the slowly congealing blood. I eventually found the source in one of the back corners of the garden, the one where, during that first assassin attack, we had all tried to climb up because we'd been stuck. I'd fallen and nearly died. Now, Julius was sitting in the farthest corner, covered in blood, sobbing.

"Why, Mother…?" he wailed, heartbroken. It took a second to realize he'd been _here_ when… "Why didn't you kill me? Why did you let me kill you? Why did you just smile and say you loved me?"

"Julius?" I called softly. I stepped forward, and immediately felt the cold air spike through me, like something was trying to ward me away. The shadows twisted and I swore they clawed into my feet. "Julius? Hey, can you hear me?"

"Is it because I'm your son? Was that why? Was that why you couldn't do it? I know you could've! You had the spell! You had it ready!" He continued to ramble, sobbing. "Why, Mother? Why…?"

"Julius." I made my voice a little firmer and Julius lifted his head slowly to stare blankly at me. At first I thought he was crying blood, but then realized he was just so blood splattered that the tears mixed instead of washing it away. "Julius, it's Conall. Can you see me? Can you hear me?"

"C-Conall…?" He reached for me, and I saw the shadows cling to his arm like a shroud. "Conall…!"

"I'm right here. You're okay. It's going to be okay." I dropped the Aura tome and closed the distance, kneeling down and gathering him in my arms. Nearby, Hekate lingered, whimpering at something. "It's fine. It's going to be fine."

"I'm going mad, Conall. I'm going mad." Julius smiled brokenly at me, as broken as Diadora's smile, but worse because of the tears and the blood. "Help me. Please, Conall…"

"I will. I promise." I kissed his head, tasting the iron, and held him close. "We'll figure this out. We'll get you help. It's going to be okay. I promise."

"Thank you…" Julius closed his eyes and returned to sobbing. "Thank you…"

* * *

Julius changed after that day, though most of us refused to believe it. After all, in the months that followed, he had remained kind. He had cried at Diadora's funeral, and visited her grave daily to light incense, and to take up her 'old job' of lighting daily incense for my parents. He had asked people daily where Julia was, worried desperately over where she might have been warped to, because hell if we knew. He would find Arvis at random points in the day to hug him and tell him that he loved him. He walked through the market to listen to people's worries, and smile sweetly at them. He shyly confessed to Ishtar with a bouquet of her favorite flowers, and the two courted, being the subject of many happy loves songs with their adorableness. He squeaked, blushed, and laughed whenever I teased him and happily played with Hekate.

But all of that blinded us to the slow, dark changes that were hiding in the normality. The Child Hunts became 'official', having been unofficially happening for at least two years now, courtesy of Manfroy and his priests. Julius slowly became possessive, not letting people leave him for long or only with his permission. He became jealous of anyone who got 'too close', and began to not only cling, but claw. He became dismissive of people's lives, thinking of them more like dolls, playthings, than actual people. He encouraged cruelty and let people do what they wished, no matter how depraved, laughing at Hilda's torturing of Miletos's citizens or Danann setting up the labor camps in Isaach. He stopped visiting Diadora's grave. He stopped hugging Arvis. He stopped worrying about Julia. He stopped caring about anything but destruction and despair.

"Conall!" Still, even with that, parts of his old self remained. Even when older, his annoyed scowl was the same. "You're not paying attention," he complained, crossing his arms with a bit of a huff. It took a moment to remember that I was in a study with him and Ishtar, with Hekate faithfully at my side as always. I swore I would've cracked if Hekate hadn't been with me. Maybe she'd been a gift from Dad, from beyond. Most days, she felt like it. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I answered instantly. I'd been looking out the window, but I no longer remembered why I had been. "Just a bit tired."

"Did you not sleep well?" Julius frowned. "That's not good, Conall. You need to keep your strength up."

"I know." I smiled and ruffled his hair. Julius laughed at it, just as he used to. Still, I had to check the urge to 'fix his circlet', because he no longer wore one. He stopped wearing it after Diadora's funeral, showing his Holy Mark proudly. It was stronger, darker, than it had been in the past. You had stories of the Holy Marks fading and reappearing to protect its wielders. It seemed Loptyr had followed the same. "I'll take a nap after this, and I'm sorry for not listening. Do you mind repeating?"

"Sure, we can do that." He crouched to pet Hekate, laughing when she licked his cheek. She could still see it too. She could still see, and smell, the little boy who she had loved as a puppy. "It's Isaach!"

"Isaach?" I glanced at Ishtar, wondering just what all I had missed. She smiled wanly in response, telling me that I wouldn't like this at all. I gripped Hekate's fur for comfort. "What about Isaach?"

"Apparently, Danann is having trouble with it. Someone named Shanan and another person named Oifeye are organizing people to fight back." Julius leaned over the table to look at the map. I tried to not react at the names. Shanan and Oifeye… I hadn't heard _anything_ about them in years. Now they were… "He's asking for reinforcements."

"And you want me to go?" Sarcasm automatically crept into my tone, and I almost said something biting, but Ishtar lightly kicked my leg. I had some freedom of speech, but not _that_ much. Not when talking to Julius. Still, I could use what bits I did still have. "Julius, you know I hate him, right?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, that's right." Julius rocked back on his heels, saying the words absently. "Well, all right. We'll leave him to die, then." Julius laughed like it was a joke. Ishtar and I both made ourselves smile to pretend it was too. "We've a Warp Circle there though, yes?"

"We do, yes." Manfroy had set it up, after losing so many 'potential sacrifices' to the desert. He'd tried to set up something similar in Silesse, but Silesse's quiet resistance, aka hiding in the snows, made the Child Hunts near impossible there. Danann, meanwhile, was all for anything that let him hurt people and be a lazy ass. "Why?"

"Then, why don't you and Ishtar go to get some more information about this resistance and steal Helswath for Brian here, and then we'll destroy it once you're back. If he can't handle a resistance on his own, then he's not worth keeping around, even for entertainment."

"What sort of information do you want, Julius?" Ishtar asked, still making sure to smile. She was better at acting than me. Thankfully, my default of 'I am done with all of you' protected me a lot. "Just the resistances goals?"

"That and I want to know if my big brother is among them," Julius replied. Again, I tried to not react. Seliph… with the Empire becoming tyrannical, like the Loptyrian Empire of old, stories of Diadora's past as Deirdre of the Spirit Forest spread like wildfire, spiraling from Verdane and Agustria. Sigurd was propped up like a hero, the tragic knight who saw the 'evil' before anyone and tried to stop it. It was as false as the story of him being a traitor, but no one cared about the truth. But all of that meant that stories of Seliph spread, as had his status as Deirdre's firstborn. For the people, he was their only hope. For me… for me, I was damn terrified. Because it meant people were after Seliph and, if they were after Seliph, they were after _all_ of them. All of my friends… my family… it didn't matter that I hadn't seen them in thirteen years. They were still my friends and my family. I had to protect them. But I also had to protect… "I want to meet him! And Riona is supposed to be with him, right?"

"Providing no one separated." Ishtar looked at me worriedly. It took everything I had to not scream. "You sure you want to meet them?"

"Of course! What's wrong with a little brother wanting to meet his big brother?" Julius smiled warmly, like a white-hot blade. "And Riona's _my_ cousin! She should be with us too!" The emphasis on 'my'. That was a new thing, another bit of the possessiveness that hadn't been there before. "So, you two see about finding them, gathering information, and cutting off Danann." He switched to sulking. "But you must come back soon. I'll miss you terribly."

"We will." Ishtar actually giggled. She really was a better actress than me. "Ah, but we should go ahead and prepare. If we're quick enough, then can we walk through the gardens, Julius?"

"Always." Julius came over and kissed her hand. "Just send a messenger if you can't find me."

"Of course." Ishtar subtly took my sleeve and tugged it, to make sure I was paying attention. I nodded. "We'll see you later, then." And we both left the room as soon as we could without it seeming like we were running away. I was a bit worried, because Julius's eyes narrowed, but Hekate pushed against my legs, making it seem like she was why we were moving quickly. That softened Julius's mood instantly. No matter his opinion on people, he still loved animals.

As soon as we were a safe distance away, I whispered, "we are _not_ bringing Riona and Seliph here." I reached down to pet Hekate, and she leaned into my side, licking my hand to reassure me. "We're not."

"It could be safe for them," Ishtar countered half-heartedly. Now that we were away, she let herself relax, and all her exhaustion crept through. "I mean… he genuinely wants to meet them. I'm sure of it."

"I think so as well." And I was certain that desire was a part of his old self still holding on. "But they're not coming here. Knowing damn Manfroy… it's just not safe." 'Not safe'... I had always wondered, growing up, why Mom hadn't try to escape from Belhalla. Why she hadn't come to Isaach. I'd always been scared to ask, but I had wondered. Bits and pieces over the years made me think she'd been too ill to make the trip, or she had feared she would lead soldiers straight to us. Now, though, I thought it was because she knew it wasn't safe. She had promised to find us when things were _safe_. So, she had remained, continuing to give us the only protection she could. "If we _do_ see them, we're pretending we didn't."

"You sure?" She took my arm to stop me from walking. "I mean… I know you've missed them."

"I have, but I'd rather keep on missing them and have them alive, than missing them like I do my parents." And I was certain that while Seliph and Riona would be 'captured', the others… Larcei, Ulster, Lester, Lana, Diarmuid… Aideen, Oifeye, Shanan… they'd be killed. I couldn't bear that. "Besides, while Julius might be genuine, that doesn't mean there's no plan for someone else to drop meteors on them or something. It's the perfect way to set up an ambush."

"Okay." She smiled kindly and warmly, with the tiredness still lingering showing it was a real smile. "Then I'll keep quiet. If we do meet them, we won't say a word. Just like the children we help."

"Exactly." Neither Ishtar nor I liked the Child Hunts, and while we pretended to go along with it when Julius was around, we were constantly helping as many as we could escape. It was never all of them. It was never enough. But it was at least _something_. "Thanks."

"Sure." She sighed and leaned forward to rest her head on my shoulder. "He's getting worse. He's still listening to us, but…"

"There are always illnesses that seem to get worse before people get better." I reached around to hug her with my free arm, not wanting to dislodge her. "I've not given up yet." I promised Julius I'd help him. And I would.

"...Right!" She looked up to smile at me briefly before resting her head back against my shoulder. This was just what we did. We supported each other as we tried to figure out how to help Julius. As we blunted the worst of things. As we held Julius back, as best as we could, and tried to not crack. "Cyas must think we're insane."

"Probably." Over the years, Cyas had become a high priest, one with a specialization in breaking curses, specifically to help Julius. But though Cyas had broken many curses, like the one that had haunted that girl Mareeta when she was given a cursed blade, he was slowly becoming more and more convinced that this wasn't a curse that _could_ be broken, if Julius was infected with a 'curse' at all. I was convinced we were just missing something. Maybe we just had to destroy that damn tome or kill Manfroy or… there had to be _something_. Everything was curable, eventually. You just had to keep researching and learning. "But we'll keep at it."

"Yes." She relaxed a little more, sighing in relief. "Thank you. I doubt I would've gotten through these last couple of years without you."

"I think you're flattering me." Still, I was glad I could help, even a little. The past few years have been rough. "But you're welcome."

"My, my… what a touching scene…" Manfroy's patronizing voice instantly made me lose whatever relaxation or good cheer I had. Though Hekate growling and Ishtar making an obscene gesture at him did help me regain a bit of it. "You must be careful, you two," he whispered, mockingly concerned. Ever since his grand plan finally bore fruit, he'd been the smugest bastard. It was irritating how well he'd played people. "You wouldn't want tongues to wag."

"Are you suggesting that there's a story you can concoct from the basest of circumstantial evidence that Julius will believe over Ishtar and me?" I asked dryly. It was worth his instant scowl. "I think you overestimate your importance, Archbishop." Julius would listen to Manfroy well enough, but he didn't have as much influence over Julius as he would've liked. Ishtar and I had used that to our advantage numerous times. I used it in Manster three years ago to burn Veld's stone spell, though sadly not in time to spare that swordswoman. "And overwork your imagination. You'll have to work harder to get rid of us, Manfroy." And I knew he wanted to. We held Julius back. We helped Julius cling to his old self as Loptyr tried to assert itself. We helped delay his total victory.

"Such hostility…" Manfroy sighed. I rolled my eyes and glanced down at Hekate. She pulled back her lips in a snarl, hackles up and ears pressed down. Ishtar muffled a giggle, knowing what was coming. "I was simply… ARGH!" And Hekate snaked forward and bit his arm. Hard. Blood everywhere. No crushed bones like the _last_ priest she bit. Then again, that one had been about to attack me, so they kind of deserved it. "You mangy-!"

"You raise one hand to my wolf, and I will burn you alive." I stepped away from Ishtar and brought my hand up, snapping my fingers to spark a flame. After a moment of concentration, the flame turned blue thanks to Luna. Manfroy narrowed his eyes at it. He had a great resistance to magic, but Luna bypassed it entirely. It was my greatest weapon, and one of the _very_ few reasons I wasn't dead yet. "Julius loves her, you know." Hekate growled, prepared to actually kill Manfroy. I was tempted to let her. But...

"Hekate, come back here," Ishtar called. Ishtar always requested we not kill him, yet. She worried about who would replace him if we did kill him. We knew Manfroy. There were ways to deal with him, and we knew how to keep him in a stalemate. His replacement could be worse, and likely would. Manfroy knew how to bide his time, and how to play a long and patient game. Many of his fellows were very zealous and zealotry could lead to wanton destruction. We saw that already. "You might want to get your arm treated. Before you bleed out."

"Yes, that would be _such_ the tragedy," I added, unable to keep from being sarcastic. I did whistle for Hekate and she slowly returned to my side, growling. "Truly, whatever would we do to lose such a wonderful member of society."

"Your tricks won't protect you two forever, you know," Manfroy hissed. Any attempts of being affable were gone. "When our lord rises…"

"Oh, go be doom and gloom elsewhere while Hekate is in a mood to listen to me." That said, I knew he was right. Ishtar and I both knew he was right. So long as Julius kept holding onto his old self, we could do things like this. The second he was gone, the second he disappeared forever… Ishtar and I were both dead. Manfroy would ambush us or something, if we were lucky. He only didn't now because Julius would slaughter everything, _including him_. And then he wouldn't be able to enjoy his vengeance against the world. "We're all busy people."

The four of us had a very tense standoff for a moment longer before Manfroy bowed his head and left, clutching his bleeding arm. We watched him leave, just to make sure he didn't whirl around and hit us with dark magic, relaxing only when he had fully disappeared down the hall. I breathed a sigh of relief, dismissed the flames, and knelt down with a handkerchief to clean Hekate's muzzle. Each time we had a confrontation like that, we were playing with knives. And one day, I knew, that knife was going to gouge me. It would probably kill me, actually.

"If I weren't so worried his replacement would be worse, I'd electrocute him to death ten times over," Ishtar hissed. I had to bite back a laugh, not because I didn't believe her, but because it reminded me of why she didn't obliterate Raydrik, despite how creepy he was. Though that though did make me worry about the group that escaped Manster the last time we'd been there. Leif, Nanna, Eleri… those were the only names I had gotten at the time. Last I heard, their army was under siege in Leonster by Friege. "Tempted to go to Alster and ask Father for Mjolnir so that I can better threaten the ass."

"I think we need to be more worried about the battles there," I murmured. It made me wince, thinking. Nanna… her eyes had reminded me of Diarmuid's. And Leif was Seliph's cousin. I wanted them to be safe. At the same time, they were fighting Friege, and I knew people there. I knew there was a good chance Tine would be sent out to fight them. I didn't like it at all. I didn't like knowing people on both sides, caring for people on both sides. I felt like I was being torn in all sorts of directions. "Preparations, though."

"Oh. Right. Damn, he makes me so angry. Smug, pretentious…" She muttered a few more curses, each more creative than the last. "Argh, whatever. Yes, preparations. Then I've got to meet Julius for the garden walk."

"Let's get things done quickly then." I finished cleaning Hekate's muzzle and kissed her nose. She licked me in return, panting happily and wagging her tail. "I doubt we'll be in Isaach long anyway."

"What's it like? I've never been."

"If it's like my memories, then it's beautiful." I couldn't help but smile. Despite the circumstances, I was glad to _finally_ return. "You'll love it."

"I look forward to it, then."

We finished up our preparations even quicker than we anticipated, both old hands at packing thanks to all the traveling we'd done in the past. Afterwards, she went for the walk, and I decided I needed to just… be away from everyone for a long while. That mean, irony of ironies, I headed to Arvis's study because no one bothered me when I was there. The gods had a sense of humor, making him any sort of refuge for me. But, then again, here we were.

"You'll want to watch Hekate's food for a while," Arvis noted absently, reading at his desk. Normally he'd be working, but thanks to everything, Manfroy had effectively removed him from power. He was a figurehead, with all the changes blamed on him. I found it pitiable, really. He sacrificed so much for his ideals, and someone else had been playing him perfectly. And no one knew until it was too late. "I overheard Manfroy mentioning something about poisoning it."

"I have Hekate hunt for her food nowadays anyway," I replied, reading through some old books, the oldest we had in the library, by the window, with Hekate curled up asleep at my feet. One was supposed to be a memoir written by Queen Gwyneth of Agustria and I was certain the answer to how to save Julius would be in that one, if none of these other ones yielded answers. "But thank you for the warning."

"Of course." He smiled slightly at me, a broken smile. The realization of how well he'd been played hadn't hit him well, particularly when you got into the… implications of Julius having Major Loptyr blood, when neither Arvis nor Diadora had it. It was something I preferred not thinking about, really. It could just be distant cousins, but… "Are you still looking for…?"

"Of course." My words were a little snappy. Arvis had given up on Julius, but I hadn't. I wouldn't. There had to be a way. There _had_ to be. I promised Julius I'd help him. "You know; you had to have thought it sooner."

"What? That sweet, gentle Julius could be the vessel for a demonic god?" Arvis's voice was very, very sarcastic. "Of course not. Why would I, or anyone for that matter, think Diadora had Minor Loptyr blood?" I wondered where her Loptyr Mark had been. Under her hair? Somewhere else? "I just thought Julius inherited two minors. Cyas had Major Fjalar, likely. Julia had Major Naga. Logic dictated that Julius would get minor. I thought it was just Minor Loptyr and Minor Naga, at worst. It's not like you could get a good look at his Holy Mark, Conall."

"True." Julius's Holy Mark had been on his scalp, not unlike Diadora's Major Naga Mark, meaning it had always been rather hard to see the full thing. Unlike Julia, his Mark hadn't appeared until he was three years old, and had a full head of hair that he definitely didn't want shaved. Any bits of 'orange' or 'red' would've just been assumed to be Fjalar. Any absence of silver was just 'oh, we just didn't see it yet'. Things that made sense at the time, but damn if you didn't kick yourself about them later. "And here I thought you were being willfully ignorant. Like Danann's soldiers."

"I told you; Aida was certain they were bandits. 'They were either bandits or the worst-trained army in all of Jugdral', she had said." He sighed. We'd had this discussion before. I just liked poking him about it, like the meteors. Less so, nowadays. It wasn't fun, poking someone with a deathwish. Many days, I wondered why he hadn't killed himself. I knew he wanted to. "Both of us agreed that no matter our opinions on Danann, they were soldiers Langbalt had governed and Langbalt wouldn't have poorly trained soldiers. Afterwards, between the spies I set up, and your former caretakers being _very_ clever…"

"Yes, I know." Danann's worst aspects had only really shown once Diadora died, and the Loptyrians seized control. Until then, he'd been just smart enough to pretend compliance. The second the restraints were off, though… "Well, he's likely going to die soon." Honestly, I was tempted to kill him myself, but the Isaachians had much better claim to that. I'd only do it if they couldn't.

"Right, you and Ishtar will be traveling to Isaach soon." Arvis chuckled. "You two could easily run and hide there. Make it to Silesse, even. They'll be hard pressed to find you among the snow."

"I'm not running." I looked up from my reading to scowl at him. This wasn't the first time we had this conversation. He always encouraged Ishtar and me to 'escape', to run before we were dragged down and stuck in the muck. "I promised I'd help Julius. And I'm going to."

"But are you helping him, really, by letting him slowly go mad and lose himself?" Arvis waited for an answer, but I had none. "Or, at the time, was he asking you to help in a different way? A different way than you're willing to consider, because you love him so. A different way that I already know I can't do, because even like this, he is my son."

Arvis left after that, to let me be alone. A good thing as just seconds after he left, the books fell from my nerveless fingers. One hit Hekate and she looked up, annoyed, but then she whimpered and sat up, just as I all-but-collapsed next to her to hug her, burying my face in her fur. She licked my head and did her best to comfort me, and I had to struggle to not cry.

I knew what Arvis was implying. I would admit that the possibility had occurred to me, in the past. But I couldn't… that was admitting that Julius was gone. That was admitting that Julius would never come back. That was admitting that Julius… that Manfroy had… and I couldn't admit to that. I couldn't. He wasn't gone. He wasn't! He was still there! He was still fighting! I could see it! He was clinging to his old self with everything he had! Loptyr hadn't won yet! Manfroy hadn't won yet! There had to be a way to save him! There had to be a way to get back that old happiness, or the traces left of it at least! I wouldn't admit defeat! I had promised to help, and by the gods, I would! I had to! I had to because… because…!

I lost the battle against my tears and began sobbing into Hekate's fur. She whimpered and whined, continuing to lick and nuzzle me, all that she could do to comfort me. I held onto her tightly, remembering the last time I'd broken down like this. It had been when I first arrived, when Diadora had taken me to visit my parents for the first time. I had bawled, screaming for Riona, screaming for Mom, screaming for Dad. Screaming-demanding why everything had to be taken away for a single dream. Now, I wanted to add more to the list. I wanted Julius back. I wanted Julia back. I wanted Diadora back. I wanted to know why they had been taken away for a single dream, one that wasn't even a _good_ dream for anyone but the bastards getting off on revenge.

But there was no answer. Only the gods knew, and they were silent. They left the lands long ago, certain the future would be bright in the hands of humans. And they were wrong. They were so, so wrong.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: And here we are, the last chapter. For clarification, yes, this is Conall's POV (and named after him as a parallel to _Memoirs of Velthomer_ 's prologue). The first scene takes place in the year 775, the year Diadora died and the moment where everything started going to hell (soon afterwards, you got the slavery-treatment of people, the labor camps, the Child Hunts, etc, etc. Before then, Danann was just a strict borderline tyrant, and Hilda's worst crimes were hidden behind closed doors under the shroud of 'honor-related abuse'). The second scene takes place in 779, shortly before/during the first couple of chapters of Gen2 of _Memoirs of the Holy War_. Conall and Ishtar are 15 in the first scene, and 19 in the second. Julius and Julia are 13 in the first scene, and 17 in the second.
> 
> Some designer notes have it where Diadora/Deirdre learned of Sigurd being her husband, felt horrendous guilt over her part, and let Julius kill her out of atonement after spiriting Julia away to safety. The Oosawa manga played things differently, and had her welcome death to reunite with Sigurd. As I was plotting this, though, I thought it might be more interesting if the reason Diadora let Julius kill her was because the alternative was killing her own son, and she couldn't harden her heart to do that (even though duty dictated otherwise). And so, I also let her actually remember, truly remember, one thing about her past: her son, Seliph.
> 
> Julius having a slow deterioration is partially for Ishtar and Julius having a courtship and the like, and partially for… a couple of other explanations for much later in _Memoirs of the Holy War_. It's also because Julius seems constantly confused during the second generation about whether he is Loptyr or not, hinting that he wasn't fully possessed/didn't have full control. Julius having a desire to see and meet Seliph comes from the Oosawa manga.
> 
> Holy Marks 'fading' and 'reappearing' is something I've come up with to explain a few plot points in _Memoirs of the Holy War_ and for a particular character in FE5. There's not really any evidence in the story about it (though in FE5, we do have a case where someone's mark apparently disappeared), but then again, the story between the two games tends to be a bit inconsistent when dealing with the Marks anyway. Ah, early fire emblems.
> 
> Because of when the second scene is set (779), it's three years past the beginning of FE5 (which starts in 776, hence the title). As a result, there's quite a few little references there to early events of that game (and of its status in late game). Raydrik is a major antagonist in FE5, for instance, and rules over Manster. During the game, Leif and company have to escape from the prisons there, which was referenced up above because Julius and Ishtar are shown to actually be present during that time in game (same with Manfroy iirc). Cyas knowing how to break and heal curses comes from FE5, and Mareeta is another FE5 char (and honestly considered one of the best units in the game). The 'Eleri' mentioned is the POV char for the eventual FE5 novelization.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for reading. If you want to read the FE4 novelization this story serves as an interquel for, check out _Memoirs of the Holy War_. If you want to read a bit of backstory, and how Arvis got tricked into all of this, check out _Memoirs of Velthomer_. And if you're curious about 'Queen Gwyneth of Agustria' briefly mentioned, check out _Memoirs of the Crusaders_. I hope you enjoyed!


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